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For the past 10 years, I've found it extremely difficult to fit in with people, whether it be co-workers, clients, general public, club members, or any other acquaintance. In these 10 years of observation, I've found people are generally and collectively obsessed with the following things:
- Cable TV shows
- Hollywood
- Sports
- Pop Culture
- Top 40s radio music and artists
- Politics (that they really know nothing about)
- Drinking/Partying/Bars
I could care less about any of that, but these are the topics that always dominate the conversation. Some people have said, just try to broaden your interests and entertain other people's interest, but it gets frustrating when you entertain someone else's interests but they don't entertain yours! There are also some things on that list I really dislike talking about such as sports, hollywood, and bar culture.
What do I like? What are my interests? Well I'm a vegan (which often makes people think I'm weird) and I love all manners of food, cooking, and baking. I love video games and anime. I love gardening. I like less popular sports like bowling and racquetball. I enjoy nature and taking walks. I like reading non-fiction books. I like making up stupid silly songs with my wife and son. I like a lot of simple pleasures like drinking a cup of tea or just sitting on a comfy couch. Needless to say, the things I'm interested in no one really cares about, at least not the vast majority of people. I think over the past 10 years, I've only been lucky enough to find 3-4 individuals who I could actually talk to about stuff we're collectively interested in, and unfortunately all of them have moved out of my life due to various work relocations and what not.
So what is a guy to do? I get so frustrated at work or at other gatherings because I feel so excluded and left out. Try to talk about my interests and no one cares. Every once in a blue moon I stumble across someone who is on a similar page with me, but it doesn't happen nearly enough. Thank god for my wonderful wife who happens to interested in many of the same things as me, but it would be nice to have some other friends and at the very least feel a bit better about my interactions with other people.
I don't understand your frustration. Join a bowling club. Go to gardening meetings, join a video game chat room. Go to places where you find alike people. You don't need to socialize much with your coworkers and clients. Keep it professional.
I like motorcycles. None of my female friends do. If I want to be around other motorcycle people, I go to places where they are ...
What do I like? What are my interests? Well I'm a vegan (which often makes people think I'm weird) and I love all manners of food, cooking, and baking. I love video games and anime. I love gardening. I like less popular sports like bowling and racquetball. I enjoy nature and taking walks. I like reading non-fiction books. I like making up stupid silly songs with my wife and son. I like a lot of simple pleasures like drinking a cup of tea or just sitting on a comfy couch.
Based on what you say above....
Frequent vegan restaurants and talk to people there.
Seek out cooking and/or baking classes.
(video games and anime are off my radar)
Join a gardening club.
Get involved with a bowling and/or racquetball league.
Seek out like minded nature lovers (I love Venture Outdoors).
Read and sing (open mic night? )
Enjoy tea on your couch... I sure do, especially with a great black loose leaf!
That's what I was going to ask. I know a ton of vegan foodie gardener types, people who like to read non-fiction and drink tea, etc. but I can imagine that they wouldn't be plentiful everywhere.
Well I'm a vegan (which often makes people think I'm weird)
I certainly don't think a Vegan is weird, but I have a question: do vegans hear tomatoes scream when you cut into them??? (Sorry, just a bit of levity. I'm trying to become a vegetarian, but it is difficult for me to do.)
I don't understand your frustration. Join a bowling club. Go to gardening meetings, join a video game chat room. Go to places where you find alike people. You don't need to socialize much with your coworkers and clients. Keep it professional.
I like motorcycles. None of my female friends do. If I want to be around other motorcycle people, I go to places where they are ...
I'm in my late twenties and in the rural midwest. Trying to find people who are close to my age and have similar interests is near impossible. Usually when I do find someone there is a 10-15 year difference minimum which creates some barriers.
This area is terrible for my interests. Very meat and cheese heavy. No vegan, heck even vegetarian restaurants or grocery stores closer than the hour and a half drive to the big city closest to us. People around here aren't really into technology or video games at all. I actually tried a gardening club, it was filled with 65yo+ women, I felt terribly out of place. The bowling center in town is also heavily dominated by retirees and older individuals. No racquetball court anywhere within 45 minutes driving distance... It's been a struggle to find groups or events involving my interests around here.
I'm in my late twenties and in the rural midwest. Trying to find people who are close to my age and have similar interests is near impossible. Usually when I do find someone there is a 10-15 year difference minimum which creates some barriers.
This area is terrible for my interests. Very meat and cheese heavy. No vegan, heck even vegetarian restaurants or grocery stores closer than the hour and a half drive to the big city closest to us. People around here aren't really into technology or video games at all. I actually tried a gardening club, it was filled with 65yo+ women, I felt terribly out of place. The bowling center in town is also heavily dominated by retirees and older individuals. No racquetball court anywhere within 45 minutes driving distance... It's been a struggle to find groups or events involving my interests around here.
Thanks for clarifying.
I get your point, I have lived in VA and felt completely out of place for 3 years and couldn't wait to get away from there. I felt like I was stuck in the 80s there.
I don't have any advice other than trying to find alike people - maybe even through CD at one of the local forums for your area. Or try meetup.com
In view of your latest post, your problem isn't that you're not able to fit in with people in general. It's that you're what I call "geographically challenged". In your part of the US, fitting in (community-wise) means going to church, volunteering with 4-H, and being enthusiastic about the other things you mention. Still, there must be a few misfits like yourself who are a bit lonely. Think creatively about how to reach those people; post a sign at the grocery store (is there a food co-op anywhere within a reasonable drive?) seeking out oddballs for activities of mutual interest, or something. I bet there are kindred spirits who are in the closet, so to speak.
Your other option is to relocate to an area where your interests are more common. And I assure you, they're actually pretty common in large swaths of the US. Also, don't be so quick to dismiss people who are a little older than you. I've always loved the age diversity among my friends; older people can be fascinating, and can make good friends.
Yes, but its not possible at the present moment. It's on our "down the road" plan. I do feel it would help a ton, but we've had some bad experiences with past relocations not working out financially so we want to make sure our next one is done when we can handle any surprises.
We're sort of here right now because it's my wife's hometown and it's "safe", financially that is. Jobs are plentiful because a lot of folks are leaving this area in favor of more trendy states such as California, Texas, Washington, etc. The low cost of living plus the ability to find work easily (albeit work that doesn't suit my fancy - its a lot of manufacturing, agriculture, trucking, etc) has been very nice to have.
So that's the deal for now. The plan was to probably stay in the area 3-5 years while I finish up my MBA and professional certification, then make a really big job push country wide at places I actually WANT to work. I figured my resume should be fairly strong at that point (Masters, professional cert, 5-7 years of experience in field) that I shouldn't have a problem landing a job out of state and finding something else if I was laid off.
But back to the original point, yes, it's a terrible fit for me here and it would help to move where there were more like-minded folks. Best to learn how to deal with it for now!!!
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(Sorry, just a bit of levity. I'm trying to become a vegetarian, but it is difficult for me to do.)
