How to fit in when no one has the same interests as you?

[mizzile]

Originally Posted by the_grimace

I agree I could probably dial this back. I don't throw it in people's faces, but I'll admit the fact I'm vegan does often come up quick when I meet someone.

Interesting

I can't remember the last time I met a person and the topic of eating habits came up "quickly."

I think this really means that YOU bring it up quickly, and believe me, people are sick to damn death of hearing about veganism.

[Icemodeled]

I do completely understand what you mean about difference in interest. I also notice most people enjoy and talk about TV and sports being most popular and neither of which I have interest in. Haven't had cable or any streaming service in years and never in my life have I been a sports fan. No interest, and never had any interest in partying either nor Hollywood culture. I do not drink at all. Though I notice that a little less brought up compared to sports talk. I'm still able to talk to people usually.. But if/when they change the subject to sports ect then I usually will just mention that I'm not a fan or expert on any of it/not something I enjoy. They usually are surprised by it but typically understand. Maybe part of the reason I don't have any close friends and I just don't connect very well with people anymore.

I'm vegetarian, I love being outdoors any chance I get, love to cook and have relaxing quiet days. We are pretty simple, very frugal. Being more frugal and not caring to spend money on things many people do I think has hurt me to with building friendships. They'll want to do things that will continuely cost money like going out for drinks, something I wouldn't have interest in doing. Friendships for me have come and gone, some with disappointment. I feel anymore I'm better off without them.

[stan4]

Originally Posted by the_grimace

- Cable TV shows
- Hollywood
- Sports
- Pop Culture
- Top 40s radio music and artists
- Politics (that they really know nothing about)
- Drinking/Partying/Bars


What do I like? What are my interests? Well I'm a vegan (which often makes people think I'm weird) and I love all manners of food, cooking, and baking. I love video games and anime. I love gardening. I like less popular sports like bowling and racquetball. I enjoy nature and taking walks. .

To the top items:
Don't care
REALLY don't care
Don't care most of the time
Nope nope nopity nope
Don't care bc most of music today sucks ass
Oh, god, can we stop talking about that?
Please, I'm not 20


Food and cooking are HUGE interests to LOTS of people. So is nature/hiking.

Same with gardening, and I especially know a lot of people who grow their own food. Funny thing is that this is not a hobby of mine, but I enjoy talking about it and listening to what others who *are* experts have to say.

Most of my friends/coworkers are not into the party scene you describe. So I don't really feel what you're feeling. Lots of my friends cook (and bring recipes to work to share) and read and participate in a variety of sports. I don't know where you live where grown adults don't have down-to-earth non-superficial hobbies, but if you cannot find them just by walking around or showing up to work, then I'd suggest joining specific activity-oriented groups.

[the_grimace]

Originally Posted by ocnjgirl

Of all these, bowling is the easiest to use to make friends with similar interests. Every bowling alley in America has leagues, men's womens and mixed. You don't have to know anyone. I joined a bowling league and stayed for several years. I didn't know a soul, but they called everyone whose name was on the sign up list, had a pre-league meeting at the alley, where they assigned everyone to a team. Bowling is probably THE easiest sport to meet other people doing because of the leagues. You don't have to be good either, they give the low scorers handicap points so no one on your team will get upset if you don't bowl well if that's a concern.

I live in a very low pop area off-season, but even here there are probably 2 dozen Meetup groups within 40 miles that focus on nature walks, kayaking, star-watching or even just daily neighborhood walks in the evening. There are also many book clubs on Meetup and I am sure groups with interest in gardening and cooking.

You're a nerd, that doesn't make you as unique as you seem to think, there are tons of nerds out and about these days, you just have to look a little but it shouldn't actually be that hard to do.

I used to do bowling a lot before I relocated to my current location, but it was easier then because we had one of those big bowling centers that offered a lot more affordable bowling leagues and open bowling, so I felt comfortable doing it more often and it was pretty decent. Where I currently live, our local bowling alley is VERY expensive. Leagues are $20+ a week and open bowling is also very expensive at around $4 a game. I probably could squeeze in the cost now, but not feel super comfortable about it. I miss having the big bowling centers around where you could get in a lot of cheap bowling!

Originally Posted by wasel

The funny thing is that since you said you were vegan, people on the thread automatically took that to mean you wanted/needed to live in a "liberal" or "progressive" place. In fact, most of the interests and hobbies you mentioned were not specific to liberal locales at all.

Particularly interesting that vegetarianism (I know, it's different from vegan) is a central component of Seventh Day Adventists and some other Christian denominations.

Finally, your other thread noted you live outside of Chicago. You have people thinking you live in nowheresville! LOL

I'm about 2 hours away (mostly due to traffic), so it's good for the one off things here and there, but both me and my wife are kind of homebodies who don't like to stray far, so the trips don't happen often. There are definitely some meetups and other interests I could pursue in the city, but I'm not about to drive 2 hours each way to make it!

Originally Posted by mizzile

Interesting

I can't remember the last time I met a person and the topic of eating habits came up "quickly."

I think this really means that YOU bring it up quickly, and believe me, people are sick to damn death of hearing about veganism.

I think it's because food is common gathering tool. People socialize over food. People share food. People talk food. It's not like I'm going up to people and saying "Hello, I'm the_grimace and I'm a vegan!". Usually what happens is something like people want to go grab lunch, or we talk about food, or something similar. Because of my allergies, the fact I'm vegan usually comes up shortly thereafter.

[cpg35223]

Originally Posted by oh-eve

How old are you and where are you located at?


I don't understand your frustration. Join a bowling club. Go to gardening meetings, join a video game chat room. Go to places where you find alike people. You don't need to socialize much with your coworkers and clients. Keep it professional.


I like motorcycles. None of my female friends do. If I want to be around other motorcycle people, I go to places where they are ...

This. It couldn't be more obvious.

That being said, it's a mark of maturity to be interested enough in other people to drill down deeper into who they are. If you find the conversations to be superficial, then try to not have a superficial conversation. You might be surprised at what you find.