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Except, no, she doesn't have to live with it. Something like this would almost be grounds for a divorce (if nothing changed), at least for me it would.
Wow. That's kind of sad. All relationships involve give and take. People with long lasting marriages know that and figure out how to make things work.
Wow. That's kind of sad. All relationships involve give and take. People with long lasting marriages know that and figure out how to make things work.
Give and take when it comes to trivial matters? Sure, some sort of give and take/compromising is involved (and almost always is).
However, when it comes to finances? No, things like that and/or a situation like the OP's is where I'd draw the line. Usually I wouldn't say this, but if I'm the OP, I offer the husband an ultimatum. Either start having all the families split, or I'm gone.
The OP's husband is clearly soft. Lol, stuff like that wouldn't fly with my Mother. She doesn't tolerate getting used like that (even more now that she's gotten older).
Get a divorce? That's a LOT radical. The children need both a mother & a father.
It's hard to imagine now, but someday those folks will be gone & your husband will be happy he did what he did for them in the future as opposed to feeling regret.
Yup, it's a pain in the backside but try to concentrate on why you married him. Don't let this destroy your family.
Is it really causing a hardship in your budget? Are your kids actually missing out on something? Or is it just bugging you? The next time there is a financial discussion, be sure to bring up the amount that is being spent on these meals and gifts.
If it's upsetting you so much, I think you really need to figure out why, and present your case in a way that will make more sense to your husband. Perhaps he will give you a better explanation of his side that will make it clearer to you. Right now neither of you are really talking about what's really behind your argument which is why it's going nowhere.
Right ive wondered if im being petty and maybe it's just that my DH enjoys getting together with his family and he doesn't care about the money. However im in the picture now as his wife and it's my money too
I think he maybe is in denial about his brother making more than him. He told me his brother's salary is 120k and DH did make more than that last year but that's with OT and details. S will make 120k regardless of how much work he does and i think he must get bonuses. Hes been with the company 15 years, i think hes been lucky but in his lifetime he will absolutely make more than a cop as vp of finace and my DH just needs to accept that. And his wife makes more than i do so there ya go.
DHs brother who is 35 had some issues with drugs. He is the youngest and just seemed like he got left behind. He is an office manager and his boss contacted ME once when he hadnt shown up to work. I was horrifiedm apparently they know his history and dont want to fire him. Lucky guy. He also lives at MY aunts house in one of her apartments for free. This is a new situation. So yes he has the money to chip in for dinner.
I know my DH doesnt want to see anything bad happen to his brother but i wish S would wake up when it comes to the dinner bills. I know they probably spend more on the mother than we do since she stays with them but i want to slap his mother in law in the face. She clearly doenst give a **** about my family's well being.
I am more frugal than DH but we do have savings. I just wish to God he spent less on gifts. The icing on the cake was S told us theyre going to disney on friday. They go away a lot...so yes they certainly take care of their own family first
I dont mind paying for DHs mom...i mean that is his mom and if he wants to treat her fine i can live with that. It's beyond me why the boyfriend cant help out but i know there were issues with him where no one liked him at one point and i think theyve just accepted him because their mother loves him.
I just feel that im going to be angry everytime i go out with these people. My dh and i are not poor but it does seem ridiculous that my dh gives better gifts to fancy finance brother than he does to us and the equal splitting of the bill when it's S's mother in law angers me. I could give a damn about her but she is ALWAYs there. She lives closeby and she cant even give DHs mother alone time with her grandkids when she visits it seems
I just couldnt imagine just sitting there letting another family pay for my meal over and over without getting anything in return. I think that's also the kicker for me. I hate people who dont reciprocate or give back. It's sooo ignorant.
I understand peoples points that this isnt worth ruining a marriage over but dh needs to listen to my feelings on this. He knows i basically hate his family now.
Oh and i had to add that DH gives his dad who we never see $25 a week. His dad has a lot of health problems. I cant say im happy about this...but sometimes people have to help out aging parents and $25 a week isnt breaking the bank. I just dont know what the future holds with his family and it makes me uneasy. Who will need money next? Also last year S decided that he and my DH should get the brother a mattress for xmas. A mattress is a pretty expensive gift for a brother for xmas from two men that have families. I think if S wanted to buy his brother a mattress he should just do it.and leave my dh out of it. Of course my dh wont say no. So i have to just be the nag who askes why are you doing that etc.
OP, you've been married for three years. You've been busy having a couple of kids since the wedding. This is about the time when unexpected issues start to surface, such as one partner possibly being enmeshed with his birth family. Sometimes people go into marriage without fully understanding all that must change with the formation of a new family unit.
You two must work this out. Your family's future is at stake.
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