At dinners where the same people never help pay the bill (jealous, member)
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I cant stand users and this seems to be the case.. its embarrassing... I had a cousin who would literally run out of a taxi as it stopped so that she wouldnt have to pay part of the fare.. she did it every time and on buses she always pushed her way in front to get to the inside seat at the window so that she could stare out the window when the conductor came round for fares...she just embarrassed herself,being mean isnt a nice way to be..
OP, while I kind of get your frustration I think you need to keep in mind a few things:
Inlaws live across country and go to the expense and hassle of traveling to see all of you several times per year;
They dont stay with you - they stay with BIL. For a month. Several times a year.
Be grateful they want to be a part of your family, and that you are not expected to host them.
If all that is expected of you is to pick up 1/2 the dinner tab a few times a year, and it doesnt sound as if it's really a financial burden, and drive 45 minutes to your BIL's house several times, you're ahead of the game if keeping score is your deal.
I would stop dining out at restaurants with these people. Just eat at home instead. Tell them you'd rather meet somewhere else for social time, not a restaurant.
I used to dine out with some women and they would pick a pricey restaurant, then talk about how they just lost their job or having to cut back on money. This was an attempt to guilt others into picking up their tab for them. Sometimes it worked. Then one of them eventually got real ballsy, and just outright told me I should pay for her broke friend, because my husband had a good job. These types of people don't need to be dining out in these types of places. They can't afford it. They need to go get some street food or McDonald's.
If all that is expected of you is to pick up 1/2 the dinner tab a few times a year, and it doesnt sound as if it's really a financial burden,
Picking up 1/2 the dinner tab, several times a year, could be a couple of hundred dollars. It's an extra expense that I personally, would rather do without.
As an alternative, I'd tell them I would pay their way, but I would be choosing the restaurant, not them. And it would be a very affordable, country diner type of place.
Picking up 1/2 the dinner tab, several times a year, could be a couple of hundred dollars. It's an extra expense that I personally, would rather do without.
As an alternative, I'd tell them I would pay their way, but I would be choosing the restaurant, not them. And it would be a very affordable, country diner type of place.
Traveling across country several times a year is pricey too; as is having month long houseguests several times a year.
Bet the OP would be griping more if her MIL refused to visit and demanded they travel to her several times a year. I still say she's financially ahead by only being obligated for 1/2 a dinner and some minor traveling a few times. How nice that the grandparent wants to be involved and is able to do the traveling.
I love it when someone says, "be the bigger person". It's like saying, "take the high road". Well, sometimes taking the high road is just as dirty as the low road. Same for being the "bigger person". Such BS and a way to ignore the issues.
I love it when someone says, "be the bigger person". It's like saying, "take the high road". Well, sometimes taking the high road is just as dirty as the low road. Same for being the "bigger person". Such BS and a way to ignore the issues.
YES! It's like my sister-in-law who didn't want to waste her time or money to come to see us. We had to go to see her all the time. When we finally complained about it, she replied "why does it matter who comes to see who?" Yeah, easy for her to say it doesn't matter---of course it wasn't mattering to her because she wasn't the one having to travel. Obviously it did matter...or she would be alternating with us.
Being the bigger person doesn't always work. There can be a fine line between that and just being a doormat. If nothing else, it's not good for the person who's using/abusing us to tolerate their behavior because then they will be ever more likely to use/abuse other people...and not good for those who may be next in line for the abuse.
Picking up 1/2 the dinner tab, several times a year, could be a couple of hundred dollars. It's an extra expense that I personally, would rather do without.
It is much better, don't you think, than them staying at your house and you cooking for them. right?
They aren't staying with the OP for the month, and they are spending money to travel to the area for visits.
It could be a whole lot worse (in time, housing, etc) than paying for a few meals.
Bottom line, though, is that the OP's husband wants to treat his family for these dinners.
That is not likely to change.
Well dh and i basically arent speaking right now over this. He wants me to just not mind i guess. I cant really talk to sister in law about it because it's her mom who is pissing me off. Also when C and her boyfriend come out for a month they take their 2 yr old out of daycare and C takes care of her and they save money. Everyone wins expect us it seems
My mom has her own issues with giving too much so i shouldn't be suprised. It maddens me what i see her do for her own siblings sometimes and no one does anything for her.
Also none of my husbands family does much at all for him. He goes out of his way to help the 35 year old brother, gets him nice gifts, gets nice gifts for S's family etc and they gifts they give back just suck. I have to bite my tongue but it seems like they dont know him or what he likes at all. He buys them top of the line stuff and every time he gets a gift from them it's obvious they just didnt want to spend they money. Really is gross. But he gets mad at me if i say anything. I know gifts are just that...gifts and no one is obligated to spend a certain amount on anyone but if you spend $150 on someone all the time and they spend $35 on you it starts to become painfully obvious. Im mad that my husbands generosity is overlooked or people just dont care. He works hard...he's a police officer, it's not a glamorous job, he's a good man who loves his family and i want to cry thinking about his brother and their fancy finance jobs and how they give so little to him. He could be dead next week with some of the areas of the city he works in. I just really feel that my husbands family does not appreciate him. They run him to the ground with wanting him to be around and spilt bills with it seems
This speaks volumes. There's an odd, inappropriate, sad dynamic going on. It is perpetrated in daily life and in finances.
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