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I agree. Ugh. Well my MIL left. So I wont have to deal with much of this for a while i guess now. It will happen again though. I seem to have a lot of anger towards the situation...I just hate freeloaders.
If really pushed, you could suggest Golden Corral, Cracker Barrel, or IHOP! Something cheap with NO alcohol (runs up the bill).
much of my dealings have just been to avoid these people. I dont even feel like i have much of a relationship with them. I'm not sure if they even notice. i just can no longer take how ungrateful they seem. Just sitting there with them at dinner last night while they all laughed away then watched my DH and S pay the bill just felt awful again.
Was your husband part of the laughing away and enjoying himself?
What is the price tag you put on your husband feeling good and enjoying himself with his family?
You know, if this were putting a financial hardship on your family, I might suggest something different.
But, if its not, then I think you really need to rethink things and your priorities.
I would always pay or offer to pay for my in-laws, agreed. My wife feels the same. After that...for less-related people...we've had chats about it beforehand, like "should we pick up dinner tonight?"
Well, if it were every week, I might agree.
A few times a year, I just cant waste my time sweating or adding up this kind of stuff.
Life is too short.
And, lets not forget that S the other brother is picking up most of the expense of hosting Mother and friend in his home for a month or more several times a week.
Im just going to avoid it as much as i can. It amazss me that the non payers can just continue to carry on this way. Id feel like such a loser letting the same people pay again and again.
Im just going to avoid it as much as i can. It amazss me that the non payers can just continue to carry on this way. Id feel like such a loser letting the same people pay again and again.
How often do you, your husband and children travel to visit your MIL? Do you ever offer to pay her ticket out? Or help BIL with expenses associated with hosting MIL?
How often do you, your husband and children travel to visit your MIL? Do you ever offer to pay her ticket out? Or help BIL with expenses associated with hosting MIL?
No and i dont plan to start. Dh and i have visited her in az before we had kids. I mentioned before that dh would help with her plane ticket but i dont think he does now. I also mentioned that BIL takes their daughter out of daycare for the month and MIL watches her. So they save money there big time. The daycare is 2500 a month.
It's also beyond me why the woman can't just buy her own plane ticket. She already gets free room and board for her and the boyfriend plus free meals. She's the one who moved away.
No and i dont plan to start. Dh and i have visited her in az before we had kids. I mentioned before that dh would help with her plane ticket but i dont think he does now. I also mentioned that BIL takes their daughter out of daycare for the month and MIL watches her. So they save money there big time. The daycare is 2500 a month.
It's also beyond me why the woman can't just buy her own plane ticket. She already gets free room and board for her and the boyfriend plus free meals. She's the one who moved away.
You have no idea how petty all this itemization sounds. We get it - you don't like your in-laws; we don't need a spreadsheet.
No and i dont plan to start. Dh and i have visited her in az before we had kids. I mentioned before that dh would help with her plane ticket but i dont think he does now. I also mentioned that BIL takes their daughter out of daycare for the month and MIL watches her. So they save money there big time. The daycare is 2500 a month.
It's also beyond me why the woman can't just buy her own plane ticket. She already gets free room and board for her and the boyfriend plus free meals. She's the one who moved away.
So she does all the traveling, comes out and enjoys her children and grandchildren several times a year. You are not obligated with any of the hassle or expense involved with all of that yet you begrudge your BIL any benefit arising from it, and you begrudge paying a portion of a family dinner a few times a year.
Your mother and husband are correct. You are being petty. It's not an attractive feature.
I see no problem in at least going to a less expensive restaurant if the family and DH wants to continue the pattern which was probably set up long ago. It's the family expectation about what's going to happen and who is going to do it. And it's DH expectation that he will do it. Whatever it is.
We had a similar situation. At restaurants the issue was not who paid but that some in the group were drama queens and loved calling attention to themselves even when surrounding diners looked at them very unfavorably.
The thing was to plan ahead rather than to scramble to react and repair.
So next time they were coming I got a large tray of coldcuts, cheeses and breads, froze a lasagna, ordered pizzas one night, picked up something ordered from a caterer another night.
Some dishes, sometimes paper plates. We ate in.
Most of the guests were excited to be able to choose what they wanted and create some meals themselves.
But the drama queens. Boy were they mad. There was no stage. They fussed going back and forth from one pizza to the other back to the other back to the other like they couldn't decide and needed attention. We just kept on chatting.
Great time. Promised I'd do it every time the drama queens came. Funny. They never returned.
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