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You have sort of a weird range of people going to dinner, weird IMHO primarily due to the addition of the once-removed MIL and her boyfriend. If it was just 'S' and you two, it should be an easy convo to settle the deal...probably take turns picking up the check.
Adding S's MIL and her boyfriend. If I was 'S' there's almost no scenario where I would expect others to pay for my MIL and her beau at a restaurant. Maybe once in a great while as an act of uncommon generosity or something, or at a wedding or funeral meal. But from your description they sound like just hangers-on. Maybe I'm wrong...
In any case a talk with your DH, doesn't have to be confrontational, is in order.
You have sort of a weird range of people going to dinner, weird IMHO primarily due to the addition of the once-removed MIL and her boyfriend. If it was just 'S' and you two, it should be an easy convo to settle the deal...probably take turns picking up the check.
Adding S's MIL and her boyfriend. If I was 'S' there's almost no scenario where I would expect others to pay for my MIL and her beau at a restaurant. Maybe once in a great while as an act of uncommon generosity or something, or at a wedding or funeral meal. But from your description they sound like just hangers-on. Maybe I'm wrong...
In any case a talk with your DH, doesn't have to be confrontational, is in order.
Pretty sure the boyfriend belongs to the OP's MIL, not the BIL's MIL.
Pretty sure the boyfriend belongs to the OP's MIL, not the BIL's MIL.
That's what I got out of it too. OP can correct if wrong.
Its not at all unusual imo for adult sons to offer/insist on paying for their parents meal and by extension their parents significant other in lieu of a natural other parent.
Its also not at all unusual for a man to offer/insist on paying for his mother-in-law. My husband would never let my mother or my father or either of their significant others contribute to a meal. The only time my parents pick up the check is my mothers birthday because my father wants to be the male that picks up the check on that occasion. Or, on the many times my sister and I take them to drs appts followed by lunch and they insist on picking up the check as an act of appreciation.
But, the bottom line in this case, if you realize that this is probably a traditionally gender driven thing among the two responsible brothers, all the OP's husband is really being taken advantage for is the one MIL who is not his and the freeloading brother. So one extra meal.
Granted the kids may be a bit uneven due to ages, but that will eventually even out.
All OP has to do is invite her parents and then she will be ahead in the score keeping.
That's what I got out of it too. OP can correct if wrong.
Its not at all unusual imo for adult sons to offer/insist on paying for their parents meal and by extension their parents significant other in lieu of a natural other parent.
Its also not at all unusual for a man to offer/insist on paying for his mother-in-law. My husband would never let my mother or my father or either of their significant others contribute to a meal. The only time my parents pick up the check is my mothers birthday because my father wants to be the male that picks up the check on that occasion. Or, on the many times my sister and I take them to drs appts followed by lunch and they insist on picking up the check as an act of appreciation.
But, the bottom line in this case, if you realize that this is probably a traditionally gender driven thing among the two responsible brothers, all the OP's husband is really being taken advantage for is the one MIL who is not his and the freeloading brother. So one extra meal.
Granted the kids may be a bit uneven due to ages, but that will eventually even out.
All OP has to do is invite her parents and then she will be ahead in the score keeping.
I would always pay or offer to pay for my in-laws, agreed. My wife feels the same. After that...for less-related people...we've had chats about it beforehand, like "should we pick up dinner tonight?"
*You are out to dinner a couple of times a year for family celebrations. Out of 10-11 people, there is 1 who is technically not related to you. You are going to divvy up the bill by separating her (BIL's MIL) out? Seems petty to me over the cost of 1 meal. For which you are only paying half anyway.
You've indicated it's not really causing a financial hardship, it just annoys you and you don't care for his family. It is important to your husband however. If I were you, and if I cared about my marriage, I'd let it go.
I agree with Blondy.
Last edited by maciesmom; 01-09-2017 at 07:19 PM..
Yeah, especially for the ones who don't pay for the "enjoyable time".
Well, the OP's husband is one of the payers; he seems to be okay with the situation. There are families who are naturally generous and others that feel a need to keep track of everything; time and effort as well as money. It's obvious that the OP is among the latter while her husband is from the former.
Since we have been told so much from the OP's point of view, it may be interesting to hear how the OP's husband relates to his wife's family and what that family's dynamic is.
I would suggest telling your husband that you will only go to fast food restaurants with these people. Or even better, sandwiches at home.
I agree. Ugh. Well my MIL left. So I wont have to deal with much of this for a while i guess now. It will happen again though. I seem to have a lot of anger towards the situation...I just hate freeloaders.
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