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I am getting my name changed and my mother does not like it. Ever since I was really young I hated it, the name being Gertrude, yuck (sorry to any Gertrudes out there). My mother has been trying to guilt-trip me from doing it, saying things like "But I picked out that name just for you" "You should be happy with it" "That's selfish thing to do" etc. etc.
I have always hated it and want to change it to something better like Allison, or Samantha. Am I being selfish?
I am getting my name changed and my mother does not like it. Ever since I was really young I hated it, the name being Gertrude, yuck (sorry to any Gertrudes out there). My mother has been trying to guilt-trip me from doing it, saying things like "But I picked out that name just for you" "You should be happy with it" "That's selfish thing to do" etc. etc.
I have always hated it and want to change it to something better like Allison, or Samantha. Am I being selfish?
A great many people use the accusation, "That's selfish!" in order to guilt others. I think your mom is the selfish one here. She is only thinking of herself. What kind, loving mom would want their child to go through life with a name that doesn't suit them? (Also, as I was once told, it's a good idea to be a bit wary of anyone who tries to "should" on you.)
If you take your mom's accusations and claims of hurt feelings out of the equation, is there any other reason not to change your name? I had a first name that made me cringe whenever anyone used it out loud. I thought it was ugly and didn't fit my personality at all. I finally got up the nerve to change it when I was 45 years old. I chose a name that made me feel good about myself. My mom was more like, "Oh, I'm so sorry you never liked your name!" which didn't make me feel great, but at least she didn't try to manipulate me into keeping it. I was so happy after I changed my name, I wished I had done it a couple of decades earlier.
My only caveat would be, don't do it impulsively. Make sure you really like your new name before you go to the trouble and expense of changing it. (Personally, I love both your choices.)
I would just use a nick name for the time being, use Samantha or whatever appeals to you. Only do the legal change once you are usre you like it, it can be costly.
There are actually very few situations where you can't use an alias. I would use a new name in all your dealings for a couple of years before actually changing it. See how your feelings evolve on it... and your mother's.
I don't think it needs to be a battle that seems rushed or hurts feelings. Let it be an evolution.
There are actually very few situations where you can't use an alias. I would use a new name in all your dealings for a couple of years before actually changing it. See how your feelings evolve on it... and your mother's.
I don't think it needs to be a battle that seems rushed or hurts feelings. Let it be an evolution.
No, no, no. Do NOT use an alias on any sort of document. It will come back to haunt you when you want a loan or credit or just about any legal matter.
I do agree that you could 'try out' names by asking friends to call you Sally or Sue or Whatever, but never put it on a document of any sort.
No, you aren't being selfish. It's nice that your mother gave you a name she thought was beautiful, but if it means nothing to you, go ahead and change it.
Your mother isn't being selfish and neither are you. She is hurt and it feels like a slight, but you can pick a compromise and keep it as your middle name and add a new first name.
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