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Oh, bull. Stop it with the "we macho men who put out fires are different!" It's like army buds. They are BUDS, close, they feel like family.
But after the war...and after leaving firefighting....those buds move on in different directions, often losing contact. Unlike family.
I beg to differ. I spent a little over 20 years at my local Air National Guard base. It's been almost 11 years since I retired and I am still in touch with many of those I served with. There are weekly lunch get togethers and a massive dinner get together every month. And there are other ways we stay in touch. The brotherhood is for life. It doesn't end just because you retire.
I beg to differ. I spent a little over 20 years at my local Air National Guard base. It's been almost 11 years since I retired and I am still in touch with many of those I served with. There are weekly lunch get togethers and a massive dinner get together every month. And there are other ways we stay in touch. The brotherhood is for life. It doesn't end just because you retire.
Same with my husband, heck we just saw about 100 of the guys over the holidays.
I'm still good friends with previous co-workers, and while some stuff seemed do or die, we weren't in any actual danger.
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I'm trying hard to give you the benefit of the doubt, but you seem to really dislike these men, and if you do, they may sense it, in spite of your efforts to hide your real feelings, which I assume are the ones you have expressed here. It's difficult for me to imagine that they are trying to cut you out of his life in the way you are suggesting, just because.
On the other hand, I find the idea that the bachelor party is to be for his work friends only, with you as the sole exception, to be a bit odd. Am I understanding this correctly? Doesn't your brother have any other friends from school or past jobs with whom he wants to celebrate? If that's true, it does seem strange.
Is there anyone who has observed this situation whom you trust to give you a fair, objective opinion about what's going on here?
His brother is a fire fighter. People in these type professions where life is risked all the time, where they spend hours together with lots of downtime in a firehouse with pool tables and TV and food, tend to bond more than co-workers in an office would. They also tend to hang together more simply because of their odd work hours. Even when I worked in a casino, I really lost touch with many of my friends in "normal" jobs because I worked 1pm-9:30 pm with Monday and Tuesday off. The only people who could hang out with me on my off time were other casino workers.
I can see how fire fighters and cops bond and become a second family. It sounds like OP feels jealous of that and left out, especially because most of the conversation is naturally going to be about stories OP doesn't know and wasn't part of. They also tend to be macho and outgoing, and if OP is not that type I can see how he'd feel intimidated in their company.
I can see how that is hard, but there is no way to bring it up OR to bail without being selfish and silly. OP needs to do the best he can and think of this as a present for his brother.
Van, I have to say, this is a very unusual attitude coming from a man. Women do this, not men, typically.
As a woman who has a brother who talks like the poster Best Man, I would say that the OP's attitude is very much like my own brother and not at all like me.
I beg to differ. I spent a little over 20 years at my local Air National Guard base. It's been almost 11 years since I retired and I am still in touch with many of those I served with. There are weekly lunch get togethers and a massive dinner get together every month. And there are other ways we stay in touch. The brotherhood is for life. It doesn't end just because you retire.
I agree with you. Also people in families lose touch all the time. My favorite Uncle and his wife and daughter moved to another state years ago. It starts out where you call regularly and try to see each other, then one day you haven't spoken for 6 months and haven't seen each other in 15 years.
Firefighters, soldiers, cops, all know they can count on each other to risk their own lives to save the guy next to them. Not all family's will do that for each other.
I'm trying to be the best man coordinator. I said in several posts that I was trying to put together a bachelor party.
Are you worried that they may be trying to get him to have a Firehouse birthday party or Firefighter theme rather than something you and your brother might have talked about earlier or an idea you had?
What does your brother say about what he wants in a party?
How can you be a best best man? Because that's your designated assignment. Not getting into or buying into a p*****g contest about who's closest to bro. That is not the hill you want to die on.
Quote:
Originally Posted by vanb1181
Look, i do appreciate whatever they do for my brother in their jobs and that's it. I just wish my brother would focus more on his blood family and not them.
My take: They are brothers-in-arms, much as military in combat or cops in the hot zone. You cannot replicate that our-lives-depend-on-each-other relationship unless you become a fireman and go out and face the fire. That is a relationship built on shared danger that is different from born kin.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mikala43
So they are being awesome groomsmen.
You can either be awesome too, or the only one in the group that complained to the groom.
Remember who the day is about. Hint: not you.
Do your best best man, let go and let God, things will work out as they will work out. You cannot control some things.
My older brother is getting married in July. I'm the best man in the wedding. I felt honored to be asked to do so. Anyway, my brother is a firefighter and has been one for close to ten years now. He is close friends with his fellow firefighters and a few cops. To be frank, I'm sick and tired of their "brotherhood" attitudes and the firefighter friends that are in the wedding almost act as if they are important to my brother than I am. It pisses me off and I can't stand their "brother" bull<bleep>. I have been in my brother's life for 31 years now and I feel like being shafted out by people that aren't related to us and also people who we didn't grow up with. Lately with planning the bachelor party and other pre wedding events, I'm tired of his firefighter friends trying to act like they are more important than me.
I'm sorry but I just imagined a bachelor party with a bunch of naked male firefighters sliding down poles.
His brother is a fire fighter. People in these type professions where life is risked all the time, where they spend hours together with lots of downtime in a firehouse with pool tables and TV and food, tend to bond more than co-workers in an office would. They also tend to hang together more simply because of their odd work hours. Even when I worked in a casino, I really lost touch with many of my friends in "normal" jobs because I worked 1pm-9:30 pm with Monday and Tuesday off. The only people who could hang out with me on my off time were other casino workers..
Although I totally respect firefighters, I wouldn't want this rubbed in my face all the time. So I can see where OP is coming from. I used to have a friend who worked as a RN and she let it go to her head in many ways. She was always bringing this up "I'm a nurse so I would know that" and "oh, but you don't have the experience I have in nursing or you would..." Got to the point where most people couldn't stand to be around her. She just wouldn't let it go. I think it's great that people love and are proud of their chosen career, but at some point, they need to learn respect for others around them.
Look, i do appreciate whatever they do for my brother in their jobs and that's it. I just wish my brother would focus more on his blood family and not them.
Do YOU have any friends that aren't related? Or are you too shy to make friends? Are you close to any other relatives, and could you discuss this with any of them? Best wishes.
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