Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Sorry, but just dropping your life, career, and family isn't a piece of cake. Maybe for you it is. Yes, there are people who do it, but they've put a lot of planning into it usually especially when they live cross country.
And no children don't owe their parents taking care of them in life. If they want to and are able to, that's fine. But they don't owe it to their parents.
My parents already know I will not be taking care of them. My mother always thought it would be my sister, but she's moving and has a family now. So my mother is now wondering who's going to take care of her when she's old. She has numerous health issues already and I keep saying it will be a nursing home...she's not happy about that prospect, but we all have to be realistic. I live a 3 hour drive away. I'm not dropping my life, career, business, and family to take care of my parents. There are medical professionals equipped for that and I'm not a medical professional.
As far as asking for help from a sibling, what kind of help? I do think it's incredibly unrealistic and selfish to ask a sibling who lives across the country to come visit and help. Help with what? The OP still hasn't answered that question. The father is paying for his own nurse so what expenses are there?
I respect that you are not skilled at being compassionate towards the elders or those seeking help. It's your plan to be of that nature. The OP doesn't subscribe to that life snub attitude. So I consider it quite realistic for a mature adult to in essence be of support in family matters. I don't use miles as an excuse nor do I think it's unreasonable for kin to show up and be of good aide. Carrying a grudge like this sister is...is her security blanket. Who dares has the Gaul to tell her to resolve the painfilled memories or rise above something that happened thirty years ago. Boy talk about holding grudges. I dealt with an abusive past ...and that relative and I made our amends. (It's what some can do to live a less hindered life).
The Op deserves support not criticism during this family event.
I could be your sister. My dad and I were never close, and he pretty much ignored me my whole life. After moving away at 17, he never initiated contact, and after realizing that, I stopped contacting him as well. The icing on the cake was him going on vacation a few hours away from where I was living at the time and never contacting me (we lived on different coasts as well), and finding out that he helped his sister-in-law abduct her son during a custody battle, and he and his new wife (it was her sister) supported them while they were on the run (can't make this stuff up). Knowing that, I was done.
Almost 30 years passed, and he was diagnosed with cancer. My 2 brothers were extremely close to him, and told him I was going to be in the area for a short visit. My dad asked to see me, and I agreed. We had a nice cookout, hung out for a few hours, then I flew home.
A year later he died, and I never even considered flying home for his funeral. He couldn't spare more than a few hours in 30 years for me, so I felt no obligation to do the same. Being his blood didn't change that at all. I had NO duty or obligation to help him out in any way. I owed him nothing. I didn't hate him, I just didn't care at all. I found him a despicable human being for aiding his SIL in keeping her child's father from seeing him for almost 5 years. He was a horrible father to me, alternating between belittling me, ignoring me, and lashing out at me. No amount of health issues, suicide attempts or guilt trips would change any of that.
Stop trying to rule your sister's life. If YOU want to help your dad, do it. But if she doesn't, you have no right to demand that she does.
He actually did answer it. He wants his sister there to support him emotionally.
Yes. You read that right.
She's not his mother. The OP has some serious issues and really should see a therapist....could be leftovers from childhood, the abuse he witnessed, the divorce, any number of things.
I respect that you are not skilled at being compassionate towards the elders or those seeking help. It's your plan to be of that nature. The OP doesn't subscribe to that life snub attitude. So I consider it quite realistic for a mature adult to in essence be of support in family matters. I don't use miles as an excuse nor do I think it's unreasonable for kin to show up and be of good aide. Carrying a grudge like this sister is...is her security blanket. Who dares has the Gaul to tell her to resolve the painfilled memories or rise above something that happened thirty years ago. Boy talk about holding grudges. I dealt with an abusive past ...and that relative and I made our amends. (It's what some can do to live a less hindered life).
The Op deserves support not criticism during this family event.
protecting yourself from controlling and manipulative abusers is not holding a grudge, it's called setting healthy boundaries. Some abusers err, well they don't exactly always stop being abusive you know, it's not like it was one incident and suddenly became nice people.
The op asked for advice, and he got it or would you like us all to pretend and just say what he wants to hear?
I respect that you are not skilled at being compassionate towards the elders or those seeking help. It's your plan to be of that nature. The OP doesn't subscribe to that life snub attitude. So I consider it quite realistic for a mature adult to in essence be of support in family matters. I don't use miles as an excuse nor do I think it's unreasonable for kin to show up and be of good aide. Carrying a grudge like this sister is...is her security blanket. Who dares has the Gaul to tell her to resolve the painfilled memories or rise above something that happened thirty years ago. Boy talk about holding grudges. I dealt with an abusive past ...and that relative and I made our amends. (It's what some can do to live a less hindered life).
The Op deserves support not criticism during this family event.
I never said I didn't have have compassion for the OP's dad or anyone seeking help. In fact, I even said both the dad and OP need professional help. Clearly, someone who tries to commit suicide has severe issues. The OP has a number of threads on here that show he has issues as well.
It's great that you were able to get over past abuse. Not everyone can. We also don't really know the severity of it. If she wants to carry a grudge, then she has that right and no one can take it from her. She doesn't want to travel cross country to take care of someone who abused her. Someone who is already paying for a full time nurse. So exactly what is she supposed to do? The OP wants her to emotionally support him....whatever that means. The OP needs to put his big boy pants on.
Well, there are other ways to get adventure, including dealing with the cranky bull moose that tends to lurk around my woodshed. Going out for firewood after dark can result in a top grade adrenaline rush! Squirrel pucky pales by comparison
Aw he's looking for a lady and thinks it's the woodshed....LOL I've heard of looking for love in all the wrong places before, but this a whole different level!
I respect that you are not skilled at being compassionate towards the elders or those seeking help. It's your plan to be of that nature. The OP doesn't subscribe to that life snub attitude. So I consider it quite realistic for a mature adult to in essence be of support in family matters. I don't use miles as an excuse nor do I think it's unreasonable for kin to show up and be of good aide. Carrying a grudge like this sister is...is her security blanket. Who dares has the Gaul to tell her to resolve the painfilled memories or rise above something that happened thirty years ago. Boy talk about holding grudges. I dealt with an abusive past ...and that relative and I made our amends. (It's what some can do to live a less hindered life).
The Op deserves support not criticism during this family event.
The OP isn't handling this like a mature adult, nor has his attitude been reasonable. Had he posted this in Caregiving forum, posters there would too say forget the sister and change the expectations.
As for "holding grudges", you don't know if she really is. The OP has already stated that his family is dysfunctional, "every man for himself"... She's obviously moved on and created her own world without HIM in it. The sister is clearly indifferent, even when she was told the man tried to kill himself. It does not sound like there is any relationship to be had. Her life actually is already less hindered and the OP is trying to disturb that for his own benefit.
Aw he's looking for a lady and thinks it's the woodshed....LOL I've heard of looking for love in all the wrong places before, but this a whole different level!
Actually I suspect an extra-tasty willow shrub is foremost in his little brain until next September.
Well, there are other ways to get adventure, including dealing with the cranky bull moose that tends to lurk around my woodshed. Going out for firewood after dark can result in a top grade adrenaline rush! Squirrel pucky pales by comparison
LOL. This was hilarious..... but so true of wilderness habitation. Thanks for the laugh.
.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
