Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Look, I don't know how it works when one has a high paying job as nor me or my wife have one, but I'm sure that if urgent family matters come up, taking time off isn't that unattainable. She works a lot and I know that, but these are serious family emergencies that I'd appreciate her help with. It's not just a matter of appreciation, it's a need, more often than not I feel like I'm drowning.
It's probably not going to happen. YOU HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kenneth.24
I'm pretty sure her husband and kids are doing alright or she would have mentioned something on the phone.
You don't know that. Don't assume she tells you everything or is truthful. She may be telling you what she wants you to believe.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kenneth.24
I'm not expecting her to "drop everything" and run into my dad's arms, but really need her help and her apathetic attitude is really bothering me.
Say it with me ... It's probably not going to happen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kenneth.24
Again, yes he was mean to her, but this happened decades ago when we were kids and things have progressed since then. They're complicated and unstable, but they've progressed.
It doesn't matter that it was decades ago. It's not your pain and trauma ... you don't get to decide when it "expires." And you may believe things have progressed. Or maybe she just resigned herself to walk away for her own sanity.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kenneth.24
It's not just about her helping him, it's about her helping me. If the roles were reversed I would do it, if not for our dad, for her.
Then you're a better person than her. But that doesn't change the fact that you can't control her. She's going to do (or not do) whatever she chooses.
That iPhone was financial help that was a huge favor she did for me. It has absolutely nothing to do with our dad and her contributing to our family issues.
Like I said, the way he treated her is not okay in the slightest and I've never been okay with it, which is why I tried and still try to do my very best as a parent and take a gentler, kinder approach. But when it comes to a literal life and death situation, it's important to me that she flies over and helps me out because I really need the support. Especially emotionally. Throwing money at me once is not true support, it's just a temporary aide. And while I appreciate her buying that phone for my daughter, I would much rather have her support than her money. Also, it's a matter of me and my wife putting a lot of time and energy into making sure my dad is well taken care of. I can't just leave him hanging. And my sister shouldn't either just because they have a history. I find myself feeling very overwhelmed by this whole situation and it feels like I'm flying blind here, so if she doesn't want to do it for our dad, she could at least do it for me.
So, nothing she'll ever do is enough. Clearly you'll just move the goal posts to suit yourself.
Quote:
The fact that my wife, who isn't even related to my dad, cares more about him and does way more for him than my sister is definitely telling.
The fact that my wife, who isn't even related to my dad, cares more about him and does way more for him than my sister is definitely telling.
OP, I empathize with you and undertand that you need support. However, I suggest you seek support elsewhere.
I can also see why your sister is rude to you on the phone. You and your wife cannot or refuse to understand why she does not feel obligated to help a father who was verbally (and it sounds like physically) abusive to her as a child.
If you wish to maintain a relationship with your sister, I suggest that you accept she is not obligated to help and stop hounding her about it. If you keep on, she might just cut you out of her life as well.
Like I said, the way he treated her is not okay in the slightest and I've never been okay with it, which is why I tried and still try to do my very best as a parent and take a gentler, kinder approach. But when it comes to a literal life and death situation, it's important to me that she flies over and helps me out because I really need the support. Especially emotionally. Throwing money at me once is not true support, it's just a temporary aide. And while I appreciate her buying that phone for my daughter, I would much rather have her support than her money.
What form does this support from your sister take in your mind? When you envision her helping you out, what do you imagine happening? Suppose your sister was willing to fly over to see you for a few days, but NOT to interact in any way with your Dad. Would you find that supportive? Would talking to you regularly by email, over the phone, or by Skype, and/ or offering some financial help be enough?
I think you need to tell your sister that you'd really appreciate some emotional support for yourself, but not expect she's going to do much when it comes to directly interacting with your Dad. She has her reasons for not wanting much to do with him, and you need to respect that.
OP, I think you need to just accept the fact that your sister isn't coming, she isn't going to drop everything and put her own life, job, family on hold because your dad tried to off himself and needs his hand held now. Have you ever considered the possibility that maybe she resents him, has no sympathy for him and couldn't care less if he just dropped dead anyway?
Send her a communication asking for some financial assistance to help pay for health care workers for your dad. She'll either send money or she won't but don't expect her to show up. If she doesn't provide some financial assistance for health care then you are on your own and will have to learn to deal with it.
I think that's rather harsh, don't you? We're human above everything.
It may sound harsh, but it may well be true. Your sister may have no love for your father, and for good reason. Don't make the mistake of thinking you know all the details of their relationship, because you don't (and almost certainly never will).
What form does this support from your sister take in your mind? When you envision her helping you out, what do you imagine happening? Suppose your sister was willing to fly over to see you for a few days, but NOT to interact in any way with your Dad. Would you find that supportive? Would talking to you regularly by email, over the phone, or by Skype, and/ or offering some financial help be enough?
I think you need to tell your sister that you'd really appreciate some emotional support for yourself, but not expect she's going to do much when it comes to directly interacting with your Dad. She has her reasons for not wanting much to do with him, and you need to respect that.
This is going to sound incredibly sappy but I feel like she doesn't love me. This horrible attitude of hers isn't how you should treat an older brother who's been there for you whenever you've needed it. She's been so horrible on the phone lately and has said some pretty mean things. For someone who's childhood trauma is due to harshness and apparently justifies her completely turning her back to me, she sure has no problem inflicting pain on me.
My wife, her siblings and her parents are always there for each other and have each other's backs, no matter what. She never has issues like these with her family because they all care for and love each other the way a family should, unlike mine.
In my family, on the other hand, each person can be left in No Man's Land and to tend for themselves. We are such a dysfunctional mess and seeing normal families together makes me realize that and sometimes, it hits me rather hard. Everything is just overwhelming right now, not going to lie.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
