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I have a friend that I absolutely adore. We have known each other for 30 years.
She and her husband both have college degrees. They have four kids and she is a SAHM. He has a job that doesn't pay very well, but it's very fulfilling and helps the community.
Her dad helps them out a lot, flying them out for visits, buying them a car, etc.
I have now received the third GoFundMe for something to do with their kids. It is a fundraiser so one of their kids can go on a school trip.
I feel bad thinking this way, but I have always had a full time job and paid for this kind of thing with my own money for my kids. I kind of feel resentful that she feels like it's okay to stay home and basically beg friends and family for anything she wants.
I know I shouldn't be petty like this and I should just donate as it's for her kids and they didn't ask for this situation.
Am I wrong for this feeling of resentment?
You have no reason to feel bad about not wanting to support this. I would not support anything that was not of an emergency type of situation. But that’s just me.
I have contributed to a total of two go fund me accounts:
1) A guy from high school's baby boy was born with congenital heart defects. He had a crazy amount of surgery, but it wasn't until *right* before the last required surgery at age 3 that he suffered a major stroke that developmentally sent him back to infancy. The health care was covered, but not the vehicle they needed for the wheel chair.
2) My brother-in-law's younger brother in Houston got flooded with the hurricane last year. He had been safe and dry, except the army corp of engineers released one of the dams. They didn't have flood insurance and weren't considered in a flood plain. They suffered $50k worth of damage and were expected to get $35k from the govt. We helped make up the difference.
I have a friend that I absolutely adore. We have known each other for 30 years.
She and her husband both have college degrees. They have four kids and she is a SAHM. He has a job that doesn't pay very well, but it's very fulfilling and helps the community.
Her dad helps them out a lot, flying them out for visits, buying them a car, etc.
I have now received the third GoFundMe for something to do with their kids. It is a fundraiser so one of their kids can go on a school trip.
I feel bad thinking this way, but I have always had a full time job and paid for this kind of thing with my own money for my kids. I kind of feel resentful that she feels like it's okay to stay home and basically beg friends and family for anything she wants.
I know I shouldn't be petty like this and I should just donate as it's for her kids and they didn't ask for this situation.
Am I wrong for this feeling of resentment?
You should not be feeling resentment, and you should also not be paying if you don't want to.
It's not a should, it's a can or will you. By the likes of it you are better off declining based on what you consider worthy of giving.
I gave to my nephew since my sister is a sahm. She has a rare heart disease so I have no qualms in giving my nephew some normal activity. He is having to see his mom whither away...
Most folks have limits. I do understand your limitation given that you have shown generosity in the past.
Asking isn’t the same as demanding, but also asking isn’t getting.
I wouldn’t contribute to that student’s school trip, which is far from necessary. This “friend” should learn to live with the consequences of the choices she makes. She decided to be a stay-at-home mom, and that’s fantastic. She gets more time to enjoy her children, and take great care of them. Families with two working parents give up 80 hours of their lives every week in order to be financially stable, and often their kids have a house key in their pockets because mom and dad are both away when they come back from school. You can’t have a cake and eat it.
Repeated requests for money in non-emergency situations are unacceptable. I’d downgrade this fake friend to the status of annoying acquaintance.
I know I shouldn't be petty like this and I should just donate as it's for her kids and they didn't ask for this situation.
Am I wrong for this feeling of resentment?
The kids also don't need to learn that they can get something just by begging for it.
Question, BookLover. Are you afraid your friend will know you did not donate and think you should just to avoid that potential conflict?
I have a friend that I absolutely adore. We have known each other for 30 years.
She and her husband both have college degrees. They have four kids and she is a SAHM. He has a job that doesn't pay very well, but it's very fulfilling and helps the community.
Her dad helps them out a lot, flying them out for visits, buying them a car, etc.
I have now received the third GoFundMe for something to do with their kids. It is a fundraiser so one of their kids can go on a school trip.
I feel bad thinking this way, but I have always had a full time job and paid for this kind of thing with my own money for my kids. I kind of feel resentful that she feels like it's okay to stay home and basically beg friends and family for anything she wants.
I know I shouldn't be petty like this and I should just donate as it's for her kids and they didn't ask for this situation.
Am I wrong for this feeling of resentment?
Not wrong at all.
If you don't want to fund her kids' activities, then don't.
We've received GoFundMe notices to help out someone we barely know buy a mobile home so she can quit renting, to help the daughter of a friend attend an event in another state, to help a neighbor attend a yoga certification class, to help the son of an acquaintance pay off his debts, to provide startup funds for a tarot card reading business, to help fund a student trip to Ireland, ...
The list goes on of those who want us to help pay for something they are unwilling to work and save for.
I'm amazed that so many of these actually get funded.
No don't donate. You have been more than generous with this person. There is a problem with your friend, and only she can fix it. It is not your problem. She has developed a lifestyle of depending on others. Continually providing to her requests is enabling here. Don't be an Enabler for your friend. Or things will never change, and only get worse. It would be better to flat out stop all the giving.
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