Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have a friend that I absolutely adore. We have known each other for 30 years.
She and her husband both have college degrees. They have four kids and she is a SAHM. He has a job that doesn't pay very well, but it's very fulfilling and helps the community.
Her dad helps them out a lot, flying them out for visits, buying them a car, etc.
I have now received the third GoFundMe for something to do with their kids. It is a fundraiser so one of their kids can go on a school trip.
I feel bad thinking this way, but I have always had a full time job and paid for this kind of thing with my own money for my kids. I kind of feel resentful that she feels like it's okay to stay home and basically beg friends and family for anything she wants.
I know I shouldn't be petty like this and I should just donate as it's for her kids and they didn't ask for this situation.
Am I wrong for this feeling of resentment?
Nope. They are low income by choice. She has the opportunity to work while the kids are at school, just like everyone else. He has the opportunity to work at a higher paying job, or take extra work, or a second job. They aren't disabled. They need to live within their means, or work more. It's not your job to support their decision to have children they couldn't afford.
It IS an educational trip. I guess that gives me pause too. But it happens to be the exact same trip that I paid for my kids with my own money.
I really do love her, but she has always had a sense of entitlement. Like when her dad takes her on trips or buys her a car, it's like she feels like he owes it to her to do these things.
I did donate generously to the last two, but it feels like there will be no end to it. This is just for her eldest child. I guess I will be expected to do the same for the other three?
Absolutely you will be expected to continue to fund their life style.
What they are doing is instilling a sense of entitlement in their children. I do not care that the husband does good in the community. He get's paid for it. Many do good in their communities and they don't get paid.
Are they teaching their children to hustle if they want something. No.
Are they teaching their children to find their own self worth in fighting for what they want out of life. No.
Are they teaching their children what are worthy causes to do charitable giving to. No.
Are they teaching their children that what they want they do not always get. No.
In other words, when they are grown, they will just set up a GoFundMe fund for a set of golf clubs.
You see my point.
Since you already paid for them they know you will continue to pay since you are such good friends and you adore her.
As they continue to have their hand out and you continue to give this relationship is on the skids.
I personally see your friend as a spoiled brat. What would happen if you stopped giving? Just said...sorry...I don't have the money.
Believe me! There will only be an end to this when you stop. They have absolutely no incentive to stop. Why should they...their scam is working and it is legit (supposedly) legally. Morally. No.
Your friend also needs to get at least a part time job.
Absolutely you will be expected to continue to fund their life style.
What they are doing is instilling a sense of entitlement in their children. I do not care that the husband does good in the community. He get's paid for it. Many do good in their communities and they don't get paid.
Are they teaching their children to hustle if they want something. No.
Are they teaching their children to find their own self worth in fighting for what they want out of life. No.
Are they teaching their children what are worthy causes to do charitable giving to. No.
Are they teaching their children that what they want they do not always get. No.
In other words, when they are grown, they will just set up a GoFundMe fund for a set of golf clubs.
You see my point.
Since you already paid for them they know you will continue to pay since you are such good friends and you adore her.
As they continue to have their hand out and you continue to give this relationship is on the skids.
I personally see your friend as a spoiled brat. What would happen if you stopped giving? Just said...sorry...I don't have the money.
Believe me! There will only be an end to this when you stop. They have absolutely no incentive to stop. Why should they...their scam is working and it is legit (supposedly) legally. Morally. No.
Your friend also needs to get at least a part time job.
Oh and your friend needs to understand the concept of birth control. If they do not believe in using birth control then they need to just do abstinence. Four kids, in this day and age. On one salary and one that is not high paying. And one of the adults stays home and bakes cookies (or not).
I have a friend that I absolutely adore. We have known each other for 30 years.
She and her husband both have college degrees. They have four kids and she is a SAHM. He has a job that doesn't pay very well, but it's very fulfilling and helps the community. Wow that is awesome. I had no idea that people do this until recently. I always tell my kids if you want to live around here you will need a job or career that pays well. We live in a high cost of living area. I have never at any time told them, if you want to live around here find a job that is very fulfilling but does not pay enough to pay the bills.
Her dad helps them out a lot, flying them out for visits, buying them a car, etc. I guess that is why I have always had to work, my parents can not help me out and my wife's parents have both past away. Lucky them. On a side note, I would feel a bit embarrassed asking a parent for money. But if the parent is willing then I guess that is nice.
I have now received the third GoFundMe for something to do with their kids. It is a fundraiser so one of their kids can go on a school trip.
I have had these emailed to me and found them on FB from a childhood friend that I knew. Her and her husband have made bad choices and although they have been bailed out time and time again they continue to make bad choices.
On a side note, I probably would not support something that my own kids did not get to do for fun. I have told my kids that if they want to accomplish something that they need to find a way to earn it. We did that when we were kids. Our schools had fundraisers for trips that the school sponsored or for Science camp, which happens during the end of the 5th grade school year. Our kids earned the money for that.
If they want to go bad enough they will find a way to earn the money.
I feel bad thinking this way, but I have always had a full time job and paid for this kind of thing with my own money for my kids. I kind of feel resentful that she feels like it's okay to stay home and basically beg friends and family for anything she wants.
I guess that is a choice that you will have to make.
I know I shouldn't be petty like this and I should just donate as it's for her kids and they didn't ask for this situation. The parents created this situation by having the dad work a job that pays little but is "fulfilling"
Am I wrong for this feeling of resentment?
Not wrong at all. I am sure that they will find plenty of others to support their lifestyle. I don't have a problem with giving money to those in need. I don't see this as a need though. I see it as a want.
This is what ruins it for people who are in dire need of help. There is so many of these go fund me things that are scams and frivolous. I would not donate for a kids school trip. If the mom can't be bothered to work for it, why should I?
Tell them you'll donate if they'll send 'em over to wash your windows or mow your lawn. They're teaching their kid the wrong thing. Grandpa isn't doing them any favors either.
You don't have to respond. She's certainly not going to call you up and say, "Why haven't you donated to Billy's go on the band trip to Disney fund yet?" Just don't respond. Move past it. Don't let it affect your friendship.
And yes, if you could use some chores done around the house, like raking the leaves, washing windows/cars, pet sitting, whatever, do call her kids and offer them the opportunity to work to earn the money. But understand, it takes an awful lot of chores to fund a band trip that costs several thousand dollars!
I appreciate all the feedback. Her family is not local to me, they are about 2000 miles away. So the kid can't come over and mow my lawn. At least I feel better now about not donating.
I know I shouldn't be petty like this and I should just donate as it's for her kids and they didn't ask for this situation.
Am I wrong for this feeling of resentment?
No you're not wrong. It's a scam
She should get off of her lazy a$$ and get a job!
I want to take a round the world cruise, should I start a Go Fund me page????????
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
