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Saying, "Sucks to be you for choosing to be a SAHM! Skip your latte and save up, leech!" is the definition of petty.
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Originally Posted by KittenSparkles
It sounds like there is more to this story than her posting a request on go-fund-me. It sounds like you have deeper issues with this person, namely that you think she acts entitled.
Since this is an adult you have known for many years, its unlikely she is going to change, and its not realistic to think that you should or could change her. So that leaves you with the option of ditching her because you feel your values are not in sync. On the other hand, if you still value her friendship, then you just need to be clear about your own boundaries and act in accordance with them. She is allowed to ask people to donate, just as you are allowed to choose not to.
Exactly.
Quote:
Originally Posted by SparklesNShine
Does anyone remember the days when people actually paid their own bills and didn't expect friends and family to cover the cost of luxuries?
And if you should feel that you have to 'donate', do it directly so the kid gets the full advantage of your contribution. This way there won't be any "cut" to the go fund me people.
But just don't. Begging is begging, even if it is electronic. The school keeps a little kitty which will fund any child who is indigent and can't otherwise pay for the trip.
Ehhh...I don't know about that, applying it across the board.
I remember stories my mom and dad told, how when they were first married, they ate dinner at my mom's parent's house 2 or 3 nights a week, because they could hardly afford groceries.
And just recently, my niece and her husband had a Gofundme campaign to help finance their trip to India, to adopt a baby girl. I happily gave.
I've helped my oldest son out financially a few times, and my husband and I have helped my stepson out financially more than once.
It's REALLY hard, but I've asked for help from my parents for help a time or two, when I was young, single, and living on my own.
Anyway, when it comes to GoFundme's...I can ALWAYS pick and choose, and I can choose to NOT give, without feeling guilt about it. But I don't get angry about anyone setting one up either. (Shrugging shoulders.)
I think there is a big difference between helping out a family member (esp. an immediate family member) during a time of genuine need, and someone looking to friends and even more casual acquaintances to help fund a luxury item because they have chosen to live on a single income but prefer a more expensive lifestyle than they can afford.
But as I said earlier, I'm definitely more generous if the kid is putting in the effort to earn the money - that's behavior I think is worth rewarding.
Actually - you're probably right. A good example is a couple I went to high school with. The husband had to have brain surgery to remove a growth - very scary and I understand their concern and wouldn't wish ill on anyone. However, they started a GoFundMe to help with medical bills for like $8000...they both have full time jobs with health insurance. I understand that deductibles and max out of pocket amounts exist, but what got me though was that their boys play travel baseball. The baseball trips along with hunting and beach trips continued on along with dinners out, etc. All of this played out on Facebook in pictures and posts as they're asking for money for their GoFundMe....Needless to say I couldn't find it my cold heart to donate.
When people use social media and post pictures of many trips, people will think (right or wrong) that they do have enough money for their medical bills. So naturally, they will wonder why the person is asking for help.
The Go Fund Me list shows the names of people who donate, so they'll know who donates and who doesn't. I know someone who goes over her friend's GFM lists and makes comments about who gave and who didn't. I think it's wrong for her to focus on that, but she does.
When people use social media and post pictures of many trips, people will think (right or wrong) that they do have enough money for their medical bills. So naturally, they will wonder why the person is asking for help.
The Go Fund Me list shows the names of people who donate, so they'll know who donates and who doesn't. I know someone who goes over her friend's GFM lists and makes comments about who gave and who didn't. I think it's wrong for her to focus on that, but she does.
Your friend makes comments to you or actually calls people out on social media?!?!
It's not that I think they should have had $8k laying around for medical bills - it's that after this medical situation came up and they asked for the money, they never slowed down spending elsewhere....Which is their prerogative. But don't poor mouth me to get donations and then post on FB all of your fun nights out and trips at the same time. I'll never know the actual line item facts about their finances but optics go a long way when you're asking me for money, am I right?
For a friend's family member to go on a school trip? hell no. If she wants her kid to go so badly, she can borrow from her family or her husband's family, take out a loan, or save up enough themselves. Her kid can get a paper route, mow lawns, do odd jobs, etc.
Does anyone remember the days when people actually paid their own bills and didn't expect friends and family to cover the cost of luxuries?
I do but the economy now is not what it used to be. I would not donate to this unless there was a good reason. But it is way harder for middle and lower-middle class families to get by these days.
It IS an educational trip. I guess that gives me pause too. But it happens to be the exact same trip that I paid for my kids with my own money.
I really do love her, but she has always had a sense of entitlement. Like when her dad takes her on trips or buys her a car, it's like she feels like he owes it to her to do these things.
I did donate generously to the last two, but it feels like there will be no end to it. This is just for her eldest child. I guess I will be expected to do the same for the other three?
Then it sounds like the "community" needs to hit a re-set button for her. Show her that this is not the intent of crowd funding. The difference between want and need. If she finds that every whim isn't being funded just because she wants them to be, maybe she'll re-think what's important. Her kids will also learn that they need to earn their own way as far as they can, not beg.
I have a friend that I absolutely adore. We have known each other for 30 years.
She and her husband both have college degrees. They have four kids and she is a SAHM. He has a job that doesn't pay very well, but it's very fulfilling and helps the community.
Her dad helps them out a lot, flying them out for visits, buying them a car, etc.
I have now received the third GoFundMe for something to do with their kids. It is a fundraiser so one of their kids can go on a school trip.
I feel bad thinking this way, but I have always had a full time job and paid for this kind of thing with my own money for my kids. I kind of feel resentful that she feels like it's okay to stay home and basically beg friends and family for anything she wants.
I know I shouldn't be petty like this and I should just donate as it's for her kids and they didn't ask for this situation.
Am I wrong for this feeling of resentment?
i would not donate.
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