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If the delivery you use is anything like the delivery of your thoughts on the forum, I can sure see why you have misunderstandings with your friends. The way you write comes across as rude, sarcastic, and judgmental. There is a thing called tolerance, and a thing called patience. Might give them a try if you want to stay in contact with your friends as their families grow. You don't have to "like" kids but there is no excuse to be a sourpuss about it. I don't have kids, never wanted any, but I treat my friends' kids kindly. Funny thing is, other people's kids love being around me...their parents tell me. Maybe because I don't know how to talk down to them or treat them like children. Maybe it's because I overcompensate, being anxious about kids that start acting out so am quick to distract them with stories, nature facts, and questions. Next thing I know I am surrounded and can't escape.
This was my take as well. We are childless by choice as well but the disdain the OP showed for children is just not normal. I don't like the suggestions of just making excuses to miss the event. There will be another event, then another. Is the OP really expected to lie his/her way out of each one?
Yeah this friendship is over because, this just in, your friend will bring the kid(s) with them wherever they go, that's kind of how the whole parenting thing works. If the friend has to chose between their child and seeing you, well.....
OP, I couldn't agree with you more. I think our society is obnoxiously child-centric, and getting worse. To make matters worse, many people use having kids as a license for being rude, discourteous, and snooty, and letting their kids act the same way. When the kid damages something, the parent's only reaction is: "Isn't he/she cute?" Because "we are parents, we have it hard, you don't understand because you're not part of the in-crowd!" And anyone who complains is worse than the devil himself. Funny how until recently, politeness, courtesy, and humility were one of the first things people taught to their kids. What's even worse, actually disciplining your kids is looked down upon, and when you try to do so, busybodies with too much time on their hands go crying to CPS.
However, there's something to be said about being a good sport. Like it or not, we still live in a child-centric society, and us outliers have no choice but to grin it and bear it. If the parents are responsible, and discipline their kids well, a few hours with those kids won't kill you. You don't even have to play with them, if such a thing weirds you out. You can read a book to them, while they sit quietly and listen. Or if the parents do let the kids run around undisciplined and damage property, just tactfully turn down the invites and be done with it.
Yeah this friendship is over because, this just in, your friend will bring the kid(s) with them wherever they go, that's kind of how the whole parenting thing works. If the friend has to chose between their child and seeing you, well.....
Little kids don't belong at the symphony, the movies, grown-up restaurants, and a gaggle of other things that aren't geared towards families with little kids. That's what baby-sitters are for. If the friends insist on bringing their little howler monkeys with them wherever they go, I'd make other plans. If OP is annoyed by birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese or feels like the odd man out at a music recital for three-year-olds, she shouldn't go.
OP You are LOLing all over the place and state that your friends know who you are.
It appears they do...because they know how you behave around children, and about children and when they become parents they don't want to put up with your attitude. So they plan to dump you when they have kids. Sounds reasonable.
I mean, be honest...do you even want to be friends with them after they have kids?
OP You are LOLing all over the place and state that your friends know who you are.
It appears they do...because they know how you behave around children, and about children and when they become parents they don't want to put up with your attitude. So they plan to dump you when they have kids. Sounds reasonable.
I mean, be honest...do you even want to be friends with them after they have kids?
It seems like the kid thing is just a McGuffin...sounds like the OP would be a...ahem...difficult friend overall.
Little kids don't belong at the symphony, the movies, grown-up restaurants, and a gaggle of other things that aren't geared towards families with little kids. That's what baby-sitters are for. If the friends insist on bringing their little howler monkeys with them wherever they go, I'd make other plans. If OP is annoyed by birthday parties at Chuck E Cheese or feels like the odd man out at a music recital for three-year-olds, she shouldn't go.
Very, very true! There was an incident in Chicago, where a couple brought a baby to Alinea, a very expensive fancy restaurant. It was late-ish in the evening; not nightclub hours, but past most kids' bedtimes. The baby cried continuously for most of the meal, and disrupted everyone in the restaurant. "But, but, but... you're not a parent, so you don't understand!"
Source: http://articles.chicagotribune.com/2...an-crying-baby
With that said, I'm fine with being around kids in places where it's normal for them to be: city parks, zoos, some museums, sports facilities, daytime music festivals, swimming pools, etc. (In fact, as long as the kids disciplined and respectful, I commend the parents for bringing them there, because such places can be good for kids' physical and mental health.) With those places, kids come with the territory, and I know what I'm getting into. But I do have a problem with little kids getting brought to each and every place, including adult celebrations at "acceptable" venues.
Last edited by MillennialUrbanist; 05-20-2018 at 09:52 AM..
You're just being honest Sreysrey and you're right, kids aren't for everyone. There is a way to be honest without being rude and there is a way of being honest that's not hurtful. It seems like you're taking the high road and not intentionally hurting your friends feelings. Your friends also need to respect your not wanting kids in your life. I was a lot like you in my younger years but something changed in my later 20's. I've never had kids of my own but I grew to love my friends kids. I have many in my life now including their children and grand kids. There may come a time when you change your mind. I know what you're saying about how kids can ruin your day, but that's just one side of the coin. For me there's just something magic about a little hand holding yours, the trust, and the purest of love. I hope you experience that as well some day.
So I don't like kids, all my friends know this. I told them too if they have kids and invite me to birthday, don't be surprise I'm not going. Kids are cute, adorable, but I just can't stand kids. I'm not going to fake and pretend to be nice and happy being surrounded by their kids. Also, I don't want to waste my money on any of them haha.
Maybe I don't have neices and nephew so I don't understand them. A friend invited me over to her daughter's pre K graduation ceremony, I said NO. Then I told another friend what happened and she said she doesn't know how we are going to be friend if I don't like kids. I told her if she want to cut me off because of this fine with me. This friend is not married and no kids yet so the cutting off won't happen until she does lol.
I don't like kids either...which is why I don't have any. I don't know that you're being completely honest with yourself though - you swing from one extreme to the other, but mostly negative. And when you throw in a "haha" and "lol" you just sound facetious.
Do what you wanna do. It's more likely that people with kids will cut YOU off because they have less time and now also have less in common with you - that's kinda normal. But to unfriend people even before they have kids is weird and makes me think there is something more going on - a broader negativity that people don't like. There's no need to be miltantly anti-kid because that points to some other motivation.
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