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Boy are you right there! By the way, we like you Log in name!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lt. Dan
Here's another angle. People ,especially the younger ones, dont know how to communicate face to face any more! Email-facebook-texting. Always some form of non personal way to communicate. Conversation is a dying art in my opinion. Sad too!
Here's another angle. People ,especially the younger ones, dont know how to communicate face to face any more! Email-facebook-texting. Always some form of non personal way to communicate. Conversation is a dying art in my opinion. Sad too!
Well, I tend to be outgoing in these situations, but then, I am a people-person.
I do notice these other thngs happening, though, as you have said.
Its like people walk around with blinders on. If they can't see you, you are not there. if you are not there, you don't matter. If you don't matter, why should they talk to you?
Here's another angle. People ,especially the younger ones, dont know how to communicate face to face any more! Email-facebook-texting. Always some form of non personal way to communicate. Conversation is a dying art in my opinion. Sad too!
I think this pretty much says it all.. modern "world" now communicates using computers.. no need to do face to face communications... look in your neighborhoods... when was the last time you saw a couple of families sitting in the front talking and gossiping? How often do you see little ones running around playing a game of Football.. or for that matter any kind of game period? You dont.. I know in my neighborhood.. you do not see anyone at all.. it is a sad state of affairs that our lives have gone to!!
I remember a few years ago when I was in graduate school that I asked a female classmate who I'd met at a department social event out for a drink (I didn't know anyone at that point). She'd lived in town for about three years at that time. She told me that I was the first person, other than her husband's friends, who'd ever invited her to do anything.
So regardless of how others behave, you have to continue to take the minor risk of having your feelings hurt in order to create a circle of friends. It's a slow process that will gradually snowball until you finally find friends with whom you have personal chemistry.
And honestly, at times I've despaired at the difficulty of making friends. But now, looking back, I can tell you it is definitely worth all of the effort.
It seems to me like the couples who have school-aged kids make friends much faster than singles, couples without kids or older couples (55+). When you have school-aged kids, you meet other parents in PTA, sports and other school activities. And, if you have a "shy" type of personality, forget it in this "day and age" for making to many friends. Shoot, even if you have a "outgoing" type of personality, some folks can wonder why in the heck you are talking to them. I still think that a lot of this comes back to the "crime and fear" that I mentioned before. Many people just don't want to take the chance in making friends with a stranger.
It seems to me like the couples who have school-aged kids make friends much faster than singles, couples without kids or older couples (55+).
I'm more or less middle aged and single. I love unsettling people who aren't used to being talked to. Usually I find that people are starving to be spoken to and seem to genuinely enjoy a bit of light-hearted banter while waiting in line or whatever causes strangers to congregate. (and maybe I'm a crazy woman too)
And btw, I honestly believe, despite the fact that it can become a bad habit, C-D is usually healthy social interaction. It allows strangers to meet and discuss things that are mutually interesting.
And LB, since I've read your posts for a long time now, and I like you, if you were passing through town, I'd certainly meet you and your wife for coffee.
REPLY: I have a theory on your question . I find many people to be protective of themselves , somewhat withdrawn, very cautious, not very assertive in revealing themselves in conversation or establishing conversation...because of past trust-busting events thats happened in thier lives. Some people have experienced alot of betrayal, been used, been gossiped about, been targetted by cliques at work , been thru difficult marriages/divorces...and i think it all adds up to what degree others are willing to let themselves be known . Of course some people may be just shy but i think the majority of people in society fall into what ive mentioned above. What ive found more and more, are people not willing to take the risk at meeting new people and putting forth the effort at deepening friendships. Can you relate at all to what im saying by this ?? Thanks.
This makes a lot of sense. People seem to be so closed off. And depending on what they have been through, they may have an unconscious fear of getting too close. It seems they want friends just not close friends. As soon as someone starts to get close they start backing off. I personally don't understand this because I'm not that way. And it is hard for me not to take it personally when someone starts acting this way, even though I know deep down that it's their problem. Unfortunately, it could become a cycle because now I feel like I need to be more hesitant in the future and let potential friends come to me. But if everyone feels this way, no one will make the effort.
I'm dealing with this currently and it has thrown me for a loop. I have made an effort to make friends with a capital E, but when they back away it is hard to keep my self-esteem from suffering. Thank God I do have a few great friends to remind me that it's not me.
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