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When I was in college, my best friends were made freshman year while living in a coed dorm. I didn't make an effort to make friends with those I shared classes with unless we were on the same academic path and sharing several classes. And I am not greedy about trying to make lots of friends. I've found over the years that I am really happy with having about three close friends and about 10-15 casual friends. After that, it's too much time and energy trying to keep in touch with more people or care about their lives. Quality over quantity any day for me.
As to workplace friendships, I've never cared for them. Too much gossip and backstabbing for me. So workplace friends are only very casual friends and good for going to lunch with. But I can't stand office birthday parties and have always tried to avoid having to sign a card or get a gift. It just seems too fake an event. And the popular people get a better party than the ones outside the inner special clique. And at another job, I never went for drinks after work with the others because I just wanted to go home and relax. I don't need alcohol to unwind, bars charge too much for drinks, and lastly I didn't want to drive home tired and slightly tipsy.
So that is why I would seem like one of those people the O.P. was complaining about in terms of not being interested in making friends with my classmates or co-workers.
look in your neighborhoods... when was the last time you saw a couple of families sitting in the front talking
I think I can tell you exactly when... some time in perhaps '03 when the power went out...
Sad it is... I moved a little over a month ago. Since all the neighbors closed at about the same time, I met them all when we moved in. Haven't seen a single face ever since. Granted, I haven't put any effort into it, either. I did try to contact a woman I talked with for hours at the beginning (at about contract time; months earlier) and seemed to click with, but she hasn't gotten back to me. Don't blame her to tell you the truth... I've also been meaning to call a few people for some time now and haven't... Every day it seems I'm either tired or there's something to do... or any number of excuses. And what do I do?! Come right here at "Cheers" where everybody knows my nickname to yap with other nicknames instead of spending some time with real people... It's not that these people are not real... May very well enjoy meeting some of them, but it's not feasible as they're not local. It's pretty much like commitmentphobics looking for emotionally or otherwise unavailable people... Wonder if that's what we're doing... Are we all so tired of the other fellow humans that we can only take them in virtual form...
Thank You!! I'm very "outgoing" and some folks our age don't like that type of personality. Shoot, even though we don't have any friends here, we can still have fun at home playing poker, watching a Classic Rock video, drinking Bud Light and downing some "shooters" of Jose' Cuervo.
Another funny thing: We still love boating while some couples our age sold their boat when their kids got older.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ellie
I'm more or less middle aged and single. I love unsettling people who aren't used to being talked to. Usually I find that people are starving to be spoken to and seem to genuinely enjoy a bit of light-hearted banter while waiting in line or whatever causes strangers to congregate. (and maybe I'm a crazy woman too)
And btw, I honestly believe, despite the fact that it can become a bad habit, C-D is usually healthy social interaction. It allows strangers to meet and discuss things that are mutually interesting.
And LB, since I've read your posts for a long time now, and I like you, if you were passing through town, I'd certainly meet you and your wife for coffee.
Growing up in one home, going to school with the kids you grew up with and in adult life you move away. If you stay in your childhood hometown, you would still be friends with all of the kids you grew up with. Roots.
Growing up in one home, going to school with the kids you grew up with and in adult life you move away. If you stay in your childhood hometown, you would still be friends with all of the kids you grew up with. Roots.
Looks like pretty soon Americans may develop roots. After you no longer are able to afford anything, not even a move... Then you might be forced to live with parents or other relatives... deeper roots. Who says the government doesn't love us?!
This vent wasn't intended against you, 2goldens. I (being totally rootless) understand the concept of roots much better than many others. Oh, well, I planted deep roots on my job at least. Guess thank goodness at least for that.
As to workplace friendships, I've never cared for them. Too much gossip and backstabbing for me. So workplace friends are only very casual friends and good for going to lunch with. But I can't stand office birthday parties and have always tried to avoid having to sign a card or get a gift. It just seems too fake an event. And the popular people get a better party than the ones outside the inner special clique.
So that is why I would seem like one of those people the O.P. was complaining about in terms of not being interested in making friends with my classmates or co-workers.
I so understand this and get this! I guess it's just not at my business!
If I didn't know better, Miu, I'd say you work here with me.
how do you know they are "really" friends. It might be a dysfunctional circle of friends.
A real friendly person would not push you away on account they they have "too many friends" LOL.
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Originally Posted by therewego
This is my problem, the rejection. I have tried and have been hurt too many times to count. I am just not going to try so hard anymore. It also seems that people have "enough" friends already they don't want to bring anyone new into their circle........
Here's another angle. People ,especially the younger ones, dont know how to communicate face to face any more! Email-facebook-texting. Always some form of non personal way to communicate. Conversation is a dying art in my opinion. Sad too!
Nail head, meet hammer. This is EXACTLY what I was going to say.
I think it is a variety of things that make it difficult to make new friends. Sometimes it is the culture of the area you live in. I'm a people person--I'm friendly and will talk to anyone if I'm in the right mood--some people aren't sure how to take that. I've lived in a variety of places--grewup in the mid-west but lived mostly PA, NM, and WA and found I had different kinds of friends in each place.
In WA all my friends were women and couples--only one male friend and he moved there from New Orleans. Several times I met other single middle aged men that I found interesting but when I asked if they'd like to do something together, every time I saw them after that they wouldn't even say hi to me--happened several times. In NM I have mostly male friends and couples. This week at my last pottery class I gave my number to a woman that I enjoyed talking to in class and told her to call if she'd like to go hiking or do something. Later in the week when three of us were discussing pottery, the other two began talking about doing something and this woman pulls out her phone and shows it to the other and said "can you read my phone number." ?? I walked away to give them privacy--as if I would call anyone who didn't offer me their phone number. Then I remembered when I lived here before that whenever I'd say hi to other white women in my age category they would react like that--the "what does she want from me" atttiude. Sure it's a little off putting but says more about them than me. People that become my friends don't live their lives in fear. On the other hand, when I talk to women of Spanish descent, they will carry on a conversation--very friendly.
I think Ellie is right--it takes time--we tend to be an instant society--my close friends grew because we have the same interests and because we live close enough to see each other often and we're open to making friends. One of my mottos is "if you want a friend, be a friend." Tonight I'm missing my friends in WA--if I was there on a Friday night and feeling a little lonely I would have called and gone over and had dinner with them, put their little boy to bed, read a story to him, and then played cards or a game with them. I'm feeling a little impatient to make new friends. I just met another ceramic artist who just moved here with his wife--maybe it's take to make the effort to invite old and possibly new friends to dinner to see my new home.
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Every day it seems I'm either tired or there's something to do... or any number of excuses. And what do I do?! Come right here at "Cheers" where everybody knows my nickname 
Are we all so tired of the other fellow humans that we can only take them in virtual form...
