Why is it so hard to find people we share "personal chemistry" with? (sister, adults)
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Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I don't know the answer to this but it reminds me, I often wonder why good, honest, sincere and friendly enough but quiet people seem to be invisible or even not liked by so many, especially their own sex. They have no friends to speak of. I wonder if there's like an image consultant type person who they can go to to tell them what it is about them that people don't like.
They have a fear of rejection and of being hurt so as long as they mind there own business, they don't have to deal with it.
This comes from a public school system that is out of control. Few of the "students" are there to learn. They use the time on their hands to form cliques, bully and harass others, use people, get involved in criminal activities.
There is an extreme form of hierarchy in schools that is only exceeded by that of prisons. (This isn't surprising, since many inmates go almost straight from school to prison life and often with a poor role model at home, this is all they know) This is very anti-social and tends to favor only the alpha types.
Once people leave this environment, they tend to defer to and gravitate towards such people. They are fearful to do otherwise since they have been conditioned to this, since such actions were severely punished in the school environment. Consequently, they refuse to open up to others who are not alpha types and they kiss a$$ with those that are, hoping to be accepted or perhaps even taken into their circle.
This is the main explanation for most people only being interested in superficial attributes in making friends and acquaintances. The worry what the "pack" will think. This is something that has developed over the past 5 decades.
Here's another angle. People ,especially the younger ones, dont know how to communicate face to face any more! Email-facebook-texting. Always some form of non personal way to communicate. Conversation is a dying art in my opinion. Sad too!
This may be making the problem even worse butits been a major problem since at least the 1970's.
1. We have become an 'island of an island' -- Through years of social conditioning (TV, newspaper, family, etc.), we've isolated ourselves into little bubbles. We maintain these bubbles at work, school, etc.
2. Community is suffering due to #1
3. Many people have grown up in households which did not foster healthy relationships (no touching, no affection, etc.)
4. Modern day slavery (job, religion, etc.) has disrupted the flow of healthy interaction. Most of our time is taken by slaving for a mediocre wage which grants us 'temporary freedom' in the form of a few weeks vacation and holidays. There's little quality time to actually enjoy life, make new friends or participate in things we like
5. Many people are fearful of others due to misconceptions, prejudice, etc.
The state of culture is very sad. When the bottom falls out, we'll wonder what happened when we wake up homeless, hungry and without great people in our lives. We'll wonder what we did wrong and what we could have done right. Sadly, it will be too late to fix the mess we created as human beings.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Good_Teacher
In my office at work we have hundreds of people who come from a very similar background. Few are friends. Most people seem to keep to themselves and have lunch at their desk. On the street where we live people seem to share a common age and demographic but when we have social events at the end of the block most people seem to struggle to make any connection with each other. I teach classes at a local Community College and the people who have sat next to each other for months make no effort to make conversation before or after class. Why is it so hard for people to find others they share any personal chemistry with? Our relationships with the people we interact with seem so distant and forced.
There are too many dishonest people who are willing to say and do anything to get want. How can one let their guard done long enough to know if their is a shared chemistry?
In my office at work we have hundreds of people who come from a very similar background. Few are friends. Most people seem to keep to themselves and have lunch at their desk. On the street where we live people seem to share a common age and demographic but when we have social events at the end of the block most people seem to struggle to make any connection with each other. I teach classes at a local Community College and the people who have sat next to each other for months make no effort to make conversation before or after class. Why is it so hard for people to find others they share any personal chemistry with? Our relationships with the people we interact with seem so distant and forced.
Could be they're just not looking. I went through 7 years of college and only picked up one long term friend. I have several close friends from my women's group at church. It just depends on what you're looking for. My focus, during my college days, was my education. My focus in my women's group is self improvement and development of interpersonal relationships.
Most of my relationships developed out of mutual need. My one friend from college and I met when we both needed a lab partner on our level. We were study partners throughout college and stayed friends afterwards.
I have one close friend from my 18 year career as an engineer. She was a secretary in one of the plants I worked in and someone you could always count on. I admire that.
I find I don't need to develop a chemistry with most people I meet. Just because we're in the same place at the same time doesn't mean we need to be friends.
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