awkward wedding/friend situation

[Parnassia]

Originally Posted by chessimprov

I think I finally understand. now.

I always did view friendships as a "quid pro quo" type thing. Not to the point that everything had to be exact, but a quality friendship has give and take. I've considered various angles.

aa6660, as harsh as your words are, you completely understand that I'm not looking for a free ride either.

When I met one of the friends of the engaged partner, he was single at the time. He had found someone later on.
I'm not opposed to meeting people whether they are engaged, single, or whatever situation. I do want to be able to plateau with people basically no matter what the situation is. That should be the situation. Society makes it less so otherwise.

I can say that I can and have been open to extenuating factors. I have such a job where such things can happen.

I wanted a level of friendship that seemed like it had gotten to that level but I turned out to get screwed over instead. I don't think my desire for such quality friendships is unreasonable, but it seems the way I think and have handled them is not acceptable in (American) society. I just simply need to say "no" in many contexts until/unless I have enough reason to do things otherwise and focus on things I can/want to do/things that will help me grow.

Its understandable that people might prefer relationships to be tit for tat, quid pro quo, black and white, yes or no, in or out. Especially if you happen to be someone who approaches much of your life that way; with a sort of precision. Those sorts of "absolutes" seem easier to predict and to manage. Unfortunately, most relationships are nuanced...therefore moving targets, less controllable. Going with the flow is hard for many, but sometimes that's the choice you are given.

[luzianne]

I would expect to be pretty much ignored by the people getting married on their wedding day. They have lots of guests they have to interact with so I wouldn't plan getting a lot of attention from them.

[chessimprov]

Originally Posted by luzianne

I would expect to be pretty much ignored by the people getting married on their wedding day. They have lots of guests they have to interact with so I wouldn't plan getting a lot of attention from them.

Thanks. That makes a lot of sense.

I decided that since the drive was 1.5 hours one way, it wasn't worth it. All things considered.

The person I met originally wanted me to come so bad he kept asking me even after I had declined online and through the mail.

If it was local, I would've gone. Then, even though I wouldn't get much time with the couple, I'd get some time to know their friends and maybe an opportunity to meet other people. Not that I couldn't do that at a distance farther away, but I already do a lot in my life.

In my situation and considering my feelings, it seems that was best for me overall.

[RJ312]

Originally Posted by luzianne

I would expect to be pretty much ignored by the people getting married on their wedding day. They have lots of guests they have to interact with so I wouldn't plan getting a lot of attention from them.

That's a justification that I use to skip weddings. If there are 50 or more guests, which most weddings I have been invited to have been, I'm not going to get quality time in with the groom (my friend). It is one of many reasons why I choose to skip weddings of friends.

[chessimprov]

I should add that several weeks after my decline, I got a casual request on a message wall from the husband to be that I'm not as close with to go to an indie concert in my area. This implies that they wanted to be hosted again as they do not live near my area of course. Apparently, I'm full of "energy" and "time" to be "slaved around and disrespected."

I chose not to respond.

I have enough other things to consider outside of this