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"My phone died" is the weakest excuse going.
Here's how you get out of a phone call:
If your partner is home, mouth to him/her: "go ring the doorbell." Bing-bong!
"Oh, our company is here! Gotta go; talk to you later!"
If partner is not home, simply hang up while you are talking. That makes the cut-off a little more authentic.
I have to admit my bro in law’s old POS phone used to drop calls all the time. Legitimately. He got a new phone and Different carrier and guess what - no more problems. So I MIGHT give a person the benefit of the doubt a couple times.
I must say this deliberate tactic never occurred to me before and I might try it sometime with a cousin who drones on and on about nothing. Of course she’d probably call me right back.
I don't buy it. Does anybody? At least more than once?
I have a friend who will just cut off a conversation when she either is bored or arrives where she's going or whatever. Just, no connection mid-sentence.
I can't determine the intent of your friend or if there's anything technical happening with regards to the phone connection, but back in the 90s I dated this guy who was long distance. We were about 600 mi apart. We were only using landline phones back then (cell phones weren't yet common). Frequently enough our calls would suddenly disconnect after talking for however long (sometimes up to a half hour), and then if I tried to call him back he'd not necessarily pick up, though sometimes he would.
I finally understood he was playing passive/aggressive games, because there was nothing wrong with the major telecom provider we all used back then, and there were other red flags that started flying in my dealings with him.
Once or twice is one thing, but if there's a pattern of ongoing behavior then yeah, something's up.
I'd probably cut you off, too. I don't want to listen to long ranting monologues about your mother dying.
Your response is breath-taking; I'll give you that.
Is it a full moon tonight, or what?
Besides, it doesn't matter what the subject matter is. If you're ready to end the conversation, you woman up and come up with a way to end it. You don't pretend your phone died, at the frequency of every other week.
I have an acquaintance that would keep me on the phones for over an hour! I was nice and would just listen to her.
The final straw was when she complained about a mutual acquaintance talking to her too long. She said she never listened. I thought - Really - here I am listening to you jabber on and on.
I found that this is not uncommon. Another acquaintance told me the same thing. People will speak to her but she just blocks them out. I also listen to her go on and on. What the heck.
But then i guess i am lucky that i don't have the issues these people have that makes them rattle on and on.
But, have you dealt with the same situation where supposedly someone's phone magically died when you were in the middle of talking, and they didn't get back to you for a day? Hello, can't everyone else just plug their phone in? I know I can.
It's banal, commonplace, transparent and not conducive to real relationships.
You know you are a place filler and keep on being it. Why?
I asked myself this with a good long think about it the other day. I cut her off again last year. She then called asking for my help and I ignored her. But, she called again just recently begging for my help again in figuring out what to do in a legal employment matter.
The reason I allowed myself to get sucked in again is because it feels really good to be treated like I'm brilliant. She has always thought of me as being really smart and she has always respected my background and education and doesn't minimize it because of my disabilities.
I rarely get that from anyone else in my life now that I'm retired. I'll get asked for help, but then they'll question whether or not they should listen to me, or whatever. Or someone will just see a fat old lady - a woman - who can't possibly be smarter than their lawyer or know how to beat someone in small claims court, etc. Because of being a woman, a senior, someone with disabilities, etc., I just don't get the opportunity to be treated like I'm a brilliant person they honestly want advice from, very often.
And she gives me that. In spades.
So, I help her because it makes me feel smart. I know now going in, that I won't get much in return. It still irritates me sometimes and I use the internet to vent about her.
She will always also be a great personal reference for me and an emergency contact. So, it is beneficial for me to keep her as a friend, albeit at arms length.
I called her when I found out my mother had passed away, around 10:30pm. She didn't answer. I texted her and said my mother passed away and I really needed to talk if she's awake, and she called me. So, to be fair, she did call me. My mother had just died and I needed a shoulder to cry on. She did that for me, but I think she probably was just tired and wanted to go to sleep, so she just hung up.
There would have been nothing wrong with her just telling me she's falling asleep and maybe we could talk some more tomorrow, or something like that. The fake hang ups just hurt. It's insulting.
I had a counselor tell me once that I expected too much from her. Not that my idea of a friend was wrong - just that this particular person wasn't capable of giving like a normal friend. She's just not good at caring about anyone else's needs, really, or even a fair quid pro quo.
So, when I decided to help her this time, I accepted that I was doing it because I enjoy the research and strategy of legal situations, and did set boundaries with her this time that I was okay with.
But, the fake hang-up still pissed me off, and I came here to vent about it.
I'd probably cut you off, too. I don't want to listen to long ranting monologues about your mother dying.
I'll give you 2 minutes and make a few sympathy noises, but beyond that, I can no longer pretend to be interested in all of your personal problems involving people I don't even know.
Although, I wouldn't just hang up on you. But I would excuse myself and get off the phone. If you kept calling to tell me about your problems with your mother dying, I'd stop answering your phone calls.
You remember that when it's your loved one who is dying or just died.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hallouise
Your response is breath-taking; I'll give you that.
Is it a full moon tonight, or what?
Besides, it doesn't matter what the subject matter is. If you're ready to end the conversation, you woman up and come up with a way to end it. You don't pretend your phone died, at the frequency of every other week.
Exactly, I am currently over in Ireland. One of the many things I love about the Irish people in addition to being friendlier and politer than most Americans, is if they have to get off the phone or end a conversation they just tell you.
I don't buy it. Does anybody? At least more than once?
I have a friend who will just cut off a conversation when she either is bored or arrives where she's going or whatever. Just, no connection mid-sentence.
Then, the next day I get the excuse that so sorry, her phone died.
If it happened once, or maybe twice in a 12 month period, I "might" believe it. But, every other week?
Even if it's true, it's unacceptable. Charge your dang phone.
Funny thing, though, is that whenever she needs my help, she doesn't have these issues - or at most, they are instantly resolved.
When I need her help? Huh, phone died mid-conversation.
I guess the moral of the story for me, anyway, is to stop being available to this kind of person.
But, have you dealt with the same situation where supposedly someone's phone magically died when you were in the middle of talking, and they didn't get back to you for a day? Hello, can't everyone else just plug their phone in? I know I can.
I remember reading once the best way to get out of a phone conversation is to just hang up (in the days before cell phones) while YOU are talking. Maybe she's doing that but using the excuse of her phone died. I've had my iPhone for 7 years. I think it died once while I was talking. Most of us have chargers in the car as well as the office and home. Maybe she's just one of those people who hates talking for a long time on the phone? Who initiated the conversation to begin with?
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