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Your brother is delusional. If it were my brother behaving like that, he would be looking for a new babysitter and would only see me at major family celebrations. Whether I would choose to interact with him there would depend on my mood at the time as well as on his behavior.
You don't have to tolerate his outrageous demands on your time. It seems that nothing you do will ever be enough. You have a right to live your life as you see fit. Cut him loose and do what you want.
Well you stated that you have told him how you feel and he keep ignoring you.Simple.STOP babysitting HIS kids and keep some distance from him for awhile and see how he likes that.I find it VERY rude when you tell someone how you feel and they STILL keep bringing it up.Why can't he babysit his OWN kids? Where is the other parent in this.Why doesn't he go to the other parent to help watch their kids.Is she out of the picture..? like living too far away to help out with the kids?
That's nuts. I'd tell him I am no longer coming over and helping out if he doesn't stop. You are way too nice. I am an aunt and my sister didn't ask me if I am there all the time to help out before she decided to have children. She has no right to expect that I am at her disposal all the time.
School activities?? Really?? Do you see alot of other uncles there? And is your brother there as well or are you the substitute dad while he is absent? His expectations are very unrealistic.
I agree that his expectations are unrealistic.
I live in the same area as my brothers and their children (same large city, but in a different suburb). We are extremely close. But, in all the years that our children were growing up I attended zero of their school activities and events and my siblings attended zero of my children's school activities and events.
BTW, we also didn't babysit for each other. When we needed a babysitter we hired one.
You are absolutely right that "when you have family in your life you sometimes do things that aren't just about you, it's about those you love." And I do that all the time when I spend my rare and valuable time and money babysitting his kids for extended periods and taking them shopping or to the park or whatever. Monthly. Sometimes weekly.
You're doing more than enough, OP. Ignore any comments to the contrary.
Some people on C-D come from families where there is what I call "compulsory togetherness." It's not love, it's control. You're uncomfortable with your brother's demands for good reason. No one likes it when another tries to control them.
My youngest brother was such a disappointment to me as an uncle to my kids. I can't even imagine your brother wanting more interaction from you than you're giving - I would have been happy with 1/4 of that!
That being said, I do agree that since the kids probably love you to pieces, you should consider attending some school functions occasionally. Not all the time - and I realize that becomes problematic because there are several of them - ugh. Maybe not - but I can see how they might want you to be there occasionally.
Maybe you should just talk with your brother and ask him if the kids are asking for you to be there. This would be a good opportunity (if they are asking) for them to learn how to approach adults with requests. But if it's just your brother expecting more participation from you - meh. I'd just say "Well, I feel like I do a lot with your kids - and I'm not complaining - I love them! Keep me in the loop and I may show up sometimes but meanwhile, I really feel like I'm involved plenty in their lives as it is."
He's envious (and maybe a little embarrassed?) when he attends events and other kids have a cheering throng of adoring extended family, and his kids don't?
THat's ridiculous. I'm a teacher and I can assure you that a vast majority of my students don't have a cheering throng.
I think your Brother isn't entitled, he's insecure. He wants you to go to be his buffer between him and all the chit chat he doesn't want to participate in with other families. does he show other signs of social anxiety?
This should not be that big a deal to him, and you should not feel obligated to attend.
You're doing more than enough, OP. Ignore any comments to the contrary.
Some people on C-D come from families where there is what I call "compulsory togetherness." It's not love, it's control. You're uncomfortable with your brother's demands for good reason. No one likes it when another tries to control them.
From your previous posts about your past I don't think you should be giving an opinion on what a close family is. Many families enjoy each others company. It isn't about control.
My brother is constantly complaining to me that I don't attend school activities, games, birthday parties for his kids. I already spend vast amounts of time with his kids every month (I babysit for him a lot), and I don't feel like I should have to attend those things (which involve parking, dealing with crowds, and other inconveniences). I have no kids. So going to school games and other things is extra annoying to me.
Instead of appreciating the fact that I am constantly babysitting his kids, he is complaining I don't do enough. But more specifically, why does he feel like the world owes something to him and his kids? I am under no obligation, and neither is anyone else, to spend even 5 minutes with him or his kids. No matter how many times I try to explain that he should be thankful that I spend ANY time with his kids, he just doesn't get it. He whines and complains that everyone he knows have "families who like to spend every waking moment together, etc." And I tell him: "And I know families who don't spend ANY time together! You should be thankful we have a good relationship as-is!"
Personally, I live my life expecting exactly ZERO from people, period. Family or otherwise. He lives his life comparing himself (especially other parents and their relatives) to others and longing for whatever better perceived family/life/etc. they have.
Does anyone have any recommendation as to how I can resolve this.
I can see an Uncle maybe being expected at birthday parties since y'all are close.
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