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There's a lot of caring in the above post and that is nice. I'm just afraid the man in question here is going to take advantage of this girl and waste both her time and money. That's why she's got to be tough with him. She's got ta be tough with him.
There is a guy I know who I didn't see for a while and his brother told me he lost his car and such. I was really sorry to hear that and finally got to talk to him when he got enough money to turn on his phone. Then it went off again. He can text and call with wifi only.
said he went to jail on a ticket he can never seem to get paid off. They don't let him totally 'sit it out'. Lost hours at work as a result.
He said he took a break from school which REALLY kills me. Only way out of his mess. Come to find out drugs are in play. ICE, meth, whatever people want to call it.
I suggested rehab paid for by the state! He said no worries, he doesn't have any money to buy any anyway. I was like but it messes with your mind. It affects school and work and all that.
What else can I say? I want to go on about it destroying dopamine receptors. Blah blah. Soon he won't be able to keep his job. And it's a crappy job. He was so proud when he started school. Made videos of himself going to and from. Talking about changing his whole life.
If there is a chance in heck I could say something to get him to go to rehab......heck they give you a roof and food! He is couch surfing.
I care about him despite not knowing him long. He is smart. A really nice guy.
What do you mean "drugs are in play?" That's not the same as saying he is an addict. Inpatient rehab is for hard core addicts, not recreational users. Which is he?
I do want to say, no amount of reasoning with someone is going to get them to stop if they don't want to. For that matter, no rehab can help him unless he is internally motivated to stop. If he doesn't see an issue, no rehab can help him. We have a neighbor who is a meth addict. He lost his wife and kid, lost the house (it's bank owned now but he's still staying there) and comes over once in a while asking for food, or for cat food. It used to be worse but we laid down the law about not wanting to be involved. But if losing everything isn't enough to get him to seek help, lecturing him on dopamine receptors certainly won't.
It took me 40-some years to quit smoking, despite knowing full well how bad they were and how much they cost me financially, health wise and socially. People have to be ready to seek help or there is no point.
What do you mean "drugs are in play?" That's not the same as saying he is an addict. Inpatient rehab is for hard core addicts, not recreational users. Which is he?
I do want to say, no amount of reasoning with someone is going to get them to stop if they don't want to. For that matter, no rehab can help him unless he is internally motivated to stop. If he doesn't see an issue, no rehab can help him. We have a neighbor who is a meth addict. He lost his wife and kid, lost the house (it's bank owned now but he's still staying there) and comes over once in a while asking for food, or for cat food. It used to be worse but we laid down the law about not wanting to be involved. But if losing everything isn't enough to get him to seek help, lecturing him on dopamine receptors certainly won't.
It took me 40-some years to quit smoking, despite knowing full well how bad they were and how much they cost me financially, health wise and socially. People have to be ready to seek help or there is no point.
I think anyone could go to rehab - at least the short term kind? IDK how much he uses. I didn't think he used any at all. I never saw him high or any other type of sign of that.
There's a lot of caring in the above post and that is nice. I'm just afraid the man in question here is going to take advantage of this girl and waste both her time and money. That's why she's got to be tough with him. She's got ta be tough with him.
At my mothers "celebration of life" party my father introduced a man I had never met but had heard a little about here and there from my mother. It was easy to do because this man had painted a painting that was really nice and had it framed for her as a gift. This picture is huge - 54in by 54 inches and was hanging in her family room so you couldnt help but talk about it somewhat. The reason this man made this for my mother while he was in rehab was to show her how grateful he was that she saved his life. This man got up and spoke at her party and told a story just like she had about the day she drove over to his house and convinced him to go to with her for lunch. He had hit rock bottom but didnt care.
He was sitting in his mansion on the mountain without any furniture but one chair with foil on his windows when she arrived- she barely got him to open door but would not leave as she told me later that same day. He had lost his life partner and was going in to his place of employment where he worked with my dad for 10+ years the next morning to be bought out of the company they all started years ago together. They just wanted to cut him lose after a few arrests and many personal problems and excuses that had started to roll into his ability to do his job.
Long story short she got him to go with her for lunch he thought and she drove him to a treatment center where she had been getting outpatient shots herself for alcoholism and really believed they could help him. He said that when they pulled up to a office looking building with no restaurant in site he started to panic. But my mom went around to his door - opened it and walked with him holding his hand all the way in where they were waiting for him since she had talked to them about bringing him in earlier in day. He checked in and walked out of that building 6 months later a new man. And at her funeral as I listened to him talk about my mom saving his life through my tears - I was amazed by the whole story still all these years later. He kept his job by the way and even has a art gallery for the many pictures he paints and sells when not selling commercial real estate- he even found a new partner that he has been married to happily for 10 years now. His painting now hangs in my living room so daily I walk past it and at the very least I think about him and my mom and marvel at how she was able to get him to do what so many others tried but had failed.
OP- if I were you I would be honest with this person about what you see in them. Tell them how this all has effected you and why. Then honestly tell them about getting help with some numbers to do so- this will take some leg work on your part BUT it will tell you just how committed you are to this whole thing as you call a few places to see what his options might be and spend a few hours of your time doing so. Maybe trick him like my mom and then tell him what I said once at facility? After you do this - its up to him to take action. If he doesnt - you at least know you tried to really help this person who seems to have touched you enough that are so worried for them. This is all you can do at this point unless you are wanting to enable him and throw away your own life by being around him while he is not rehabilitated and is still using? After you have this talk with him and if he doesnt get help walk away and dont look back all the while knowing how much you did by even taking the time when so many others would not . The end or a new start for your friend- you never know.
At my mothers "celebration of life" party my father introduced a man I had never met but had heard a little about here and there from my mother. It was easy to do because this man had painted a painting that was really nice and had it framed for her as a gift. This picture is huge - 54in by 54 inches and was hanging in her family room so you couldnt help but talk about it somewhat. The reason this man made this for my mother while he was in rehab was to show her how grateful he was that she saved his life. This man got up and spoke at her party and told a story just like she had about the day she drove over to his house and convinced him to go to with her for lunch. He had hit rock bottom but didnt care.
He was sitting in his mansion on the mountain without any furniture but one chair with foil on his windows when she arrived- she barely got him to open door but would not leave as she told me later that same day. He had lost his life partner and was going in to his place of employment where he worked with my dad for 10+ years the next morning to be bought out of the company they all started years ago together. They just wanted to cut him lose after a few arrests and many personal problems and excuses that had started to roll into his ability to do his job.
Long story short she got him to go with her for lunch he thought and she drove him to a treatment center where she had been getting outpatient shots herself for alcoholism and really believed they could help him. He said that when they pulled up to a office looking building with no restaurant in site he started to panic. But my mom went around to his door - opened it and walked with him holding his hand all the way in where they were waiting for him since she had talked to them about bringing him in earlier in day. He checked in and walked out of that building 6 months later a new man. And at her funeral as I listened to him talk about my mom saving his life through my tears - I was amazed by the whole story still all these years later. He kept his job by the way and even has a art gallery for the many pictures he paints and sells when not selling commercial real estate- he even found a new partner that he has been married to happily for 10 years now. His painting now hangs in my living room so daily I walk past it and at the very least I think about him and my mom and marvel at how she was able to get him to do what so many others tried but had failed.
OP- if I were you I would be honest with this person about what you see in them. Tell them how this all has effected you and why. Then honestly tell them about getting help with some numbers to do so- this will take some leg work on your part BUT it will tell you just how committed you are to this whole thing as you call a few places to see what his options might be and spend a few hours of your time doing so. Maybe trick him like my mom and then tell him what I said once at facility? After you do this - its up to him to take action. If he doesnt - you at least know you tried to really help this person who seems to have touched you enough that are so worried for them. This is all you can do at this point unless you are wanting to enable him and throw away your own life by being around him while he is not rehabilitated and is still using? After you have this talk with him and if he doesnt get help walk away and dont look back all the while knowing how much you did by even taking the time when so many others would not . The end or a new start for your friend- you never know.
Really amazing what your Mom did and that it worked. !
I know I've sort of dealt with it before a long time ago so I won't be doing any heroic measures, letting him crash on my couch, or any of that. I had just thought maybe maybe before it takes over his life..........he isn't there yet.
He still has his job. He's getting a cash car. He's still in the game to my mind.
Someone said he isn't smart but he is. I know whether someone is smart by how they hold a conversation, what they talk about. I never saw him high before. I feel like it can't have it's teeth all the way in.
He is a drowning man and will do anything to live - including pulling you under and then going on to the next person. Cruel and harsh, but true.
Only give him advice - your money and help are not enough for him but will end up hurting you in the end. Distance yourself emotionally as much as possible.
I've learned in life that if you like troubles, troubles will come to you. If you don't like them, stay far away from them.
Yeah, sometimes you care so much for someone, but that person does not care for you, or does not even care for him/herself (in a way taking care of him/herself), no matter how much you care for that person, it's never going to work. You just waste all your love, time, effort and energy. At the end, you feel what you did was was useless and feel disappointed.
The ones who don't take good care of themselves and don't care for anyone else are usually weak and tell lies a lot, one after another. They have habits to do that. It's very hard to change. Nobody can help them to change unless they want to change themselves.
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