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There is a guy I know who I didn't see for a while and his brother told me he lost his car and such. I was really sorry to hear that and finally got to talk to him when he got enough money to turn on his phone. Then it went off again. He can text and call with wifi only.
said he went to jail on a ticket he can never seem to get paid off. They don't let him totally 'sit it out'. Lost hours at work as a result.
He said he took a break from school which REALLY kills me. Only way out of his mess. Come to find out drugs are in play. ICE, meth, whatever people want to call it.
I suggested rehab paid for by the state! He said no worries, he doesn't have any money to buy any anyway. I was like but it messes with your mind. It affects school and work and all that.
What else can I say? I want to go on about it destroying dopamine receptors. Blah blah. Soon he won't be able to keep his job. And it's a crappy job. He was so proud when he started school. Made videos of himself going to and from. Talking about changing his whole life.
If there is a chance in heck I could say something to get him to go to rehab......heck they give you a roof and food! He is couch surfing.
I care about him despite not knowing him long. He is smart. A really nice guy.
What, you don't have enough drama with your own family that you have to get it from somewhere else?
I think anyone could go to rehab - at least the short term kind? IDK how much he uses. I didn't think he used any at all. I never saw him high or any other type of sign of that.
It’s for addicts who want to stop using, people who are not addicts wouldn’t need rehab to stop. Choosing not to stop recreational use is not something rehab can help with.
It’s for addicts who want to stop using, people who are not addicts wouldn’t need rehab to stop. Choosing not to stop recreational use is not something rehab can help with.
I was thinking that a structured environment away from bad influences and the daily therapy and o forth couldn't hurt is why it came to mind.
You're a damn fool if you even think of entertaining this. Walk away, NOW! Not your circus, not your monkeys. Then again, based on some of your responses from other posts, I'm not surprised you'd even think of trying to help this guy out. Should you decide to allow this low-life into your home, don't be shocked when your stuff goes missing and you have random credit card purchases.
I haven't read all six pages of posts, but -- as a retired clinical counselor who earlier in life struggled with his own addiction to alcohol for a couple of decades -- an addict won't seek help until the pain of the consequences of using outweighs the benefits he gets from using. You can't get him into treatment, he's the only one that can do it. Don't enable his addiction in any way, and don't let him take advantage of your compassion. See:
You've given him your two cents' worth. Let him crash and burn - it could be the best thing that ever happened to him. And if not, well, that's his choice, not yours.
At my mothers "celebration of life" party my father introduced a man I had never met but had heard a little about here and there from my mother. It was easy to do because this man had painted a painting that was really nice and had it framed for her as a gift. This picture is huge - 54in by 54 inches and was hanging in her family room so you couldnt help but talk about it somewhat. The reason this man made this for my mother while he was in rehab was to show her how grateful he was that she saved his life. This man got up and spoke at her party and told a story just like she had about the day she drove over to his house and convinced him to go to with her for lunch. He had hit rock bottom but didnt care.
He was sitting in his mansion on the mountain without any furniture but one chair with foil on his windows when she arrived- she barely got him to open door but would not leave as she told me later that same day. He had lost his life partner and was going in to his place of employment where he worked with my dad for 10+ years the next morning to be bought out of the company they all started years ago together. They just wanted to cut him lose after a few arrests and many personal problems and excuses that had started to roll into his ability to do his job.
Long story short she got him to go with her for lunch he thought and she drove him to a treatment center where she had been getting outpatient shots herself for alcoholism and really believed they could help him. He said that when they pulled up to a office looking building with no restaurant in site he started to panic. But my mom went around to his door - opened it and walked with him holding his hand all the way in where they were waiting for him since she had talked to them about bringing him in earlier in day. He checked in and walked out of that building 6 months later a new man. And at her funeral as I listened to him talk about my mom saving his life through my tears - I was amazed by the whole story still all these years later. He kept his job by the way and even has a art gallery for the many pictures he paints and sells when not selling commercial real estate- he even found a new partner that he has been married to happily for 10 years now. His painting now hangs in my living room so daily I walk past it and at the very least I think about him and my mom and marvel at how she was able to get him to do what so many others tried but had failed.
OP- if I were you I would be honest with this person about what you see in them. Tell them how this all has effected you and why. Then honestly tell them about getting help with some numbers to do so- this will take some leg work on your part BUT it will tell you just how committed you are to this whole thing as you call a few places to see what his options might be and spend a few hours of your time doing so. Maybe trick him like my mom and then tell him what I said once at facility? After you do this - its up to him to take action. If he doesnt - you at least know you tried to really help this person who seems to have touched you enough that are so worried for them. This is all you can do at this point unless you are wanting to enable him and throw away your own life by being around him while he is not rehabilitated and is still using? After you have this talk with him and if he doesnt get help walk away and dont look back all the while knowing how much you did by even taking the time when so many others would not . The end or a new start for your friend- you never know.
Your mother was playing with fire and was very lucky - I wouldn't want to use this story to encourage others into thinking THEY have the power to save someone. Because they don't. The more given, the more taken. Leave it to the professionals or 99 times out of 100 you'll drown before they do. Those aren't odds I'd even want to take with family, much less someone else.
Your mother was playing with fire and was very lucky - I wouldn't want to use this story to encourage others into thinking THEY have the power to save someone. Because they don't. The more given, the more taken. Leave it to the professionals or 99 times out of 100 you'll drown before they do. Those aren't odds I'd even want to take with family, much less someone else.
? She drove him to the facility. How is that playing with fire?
He isn't that far down the rabbit hole imo. That is the only reason I'm even talking about it. He lost the car because he was destined to lose that car. It never made any sense to get a payment that high on a part time work wage.
But maybe he is, because he should be working full time now after taking a leave from school. So what is he doing all the time? Sigh.
Jen, I’ve known people who worked full time, went to school full time at night, got decent grades and attended to families, paid rent and car payments and had social lives.
Because they weren’t drug addicts. The reason his life is circling the drain is because his life circles around that drug.
Everything in life circles around that drug.
He can’t do his homework because he’s got to go out and get drugs. He can’t make his car payment because he can’t work because he’s got to go out and get drugs. He can’t go to school because he has to go to work which he can’t do because he’s got to go out and get drugs.
You can’t fix him. Hear me — you can’t fix this. Because drug use isn’t this is fun, I’m going to keep doing this. Drug use is often a symptom of a much larger problem that you are not capable of dealing with in any way, shape or form because I don’t think you’re a mental health professional, and he’s not asking you to help in that manner, if you are a mental health professional.
You got a get out of jail free card here — just walk away.
I recognize that the guy is minimizing and rationalizing things that are more serious than he is letting on.
Don't try to help him. He already knows what to do. Don't get involved or he will suck you in to a life of misery. I was one who got sucked in and it led to beatings and abuse that I cannot unknow and have nightmares about 30 years later.
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Solly says — Be nice!
