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You'd risk offending your neighbor because you feel offended? Don't do that - particularly since there's no reason to be offended.
Babysitting doesn't always mean playing with kids or feeding them. It means ensuring nobody comes over, they don't leave, they're not getting into the booze, and an adult is present if something should go wrong. You babysat.
You said you could use the money - thank the heavens for providing it.
I appreciate that there have been responses but they don't really say anything. I shared that I was offended that he offered cash instead of just asking for a favor. No clue what realize it's not about me is even supposed to mean.
Can you explain why you feel offended? That's the part that I'm not getting. You provided babysitting services. Most people pay for that.
I can't help but think if it were someone else in your position and a neighbor didn't offer to pay for 3 hours of babysitting (which ended up being 5 hours), they'd be posting here about their entitled neighbor who is just looking for a free babysitter.
At this point, it's too late to say anything. Just pay it forward in some way if you don't want to keep the money.
Next time, if he says, "will you watch them? I'll pay you," say good-naturedly, "don't be silly! I don't want to be paid." Then he will likely insist and you can say, "I'll tell you what? Let's get together for pizza, your treat." Or something like that. These things have to be kept light-hearted. No reason to get offended... paying someone for work done vs being close enough to someone to expect that it will be a favor is a very fine line. Your neighbor erred on the side of compensating you. No harm, no foul.
Thanks - I did say that. I'm going to go w/the crowd and not say anything. He did say he values my time. Maybe (well I do) have an issue with thinking people will treat me the way I would them. I do think we'll continue in a friendly relationship (although I will think twice about asking for help) - Thanks to those that seem to understand the issue - much appreciated!
IMHO many times we decide to be offended about something because underneath, we are really trying to force someone else to behave in the same manner we would, or to take the same action (we've convinced ourselves that's the right way, so why wouldn't we? ). When the other person doesn't comply, we end up feeling thwarted, frustrated. So, I guess the solution is to not expect everyone around you do do things exactly the same way you would. The more you let go of some of those minor expectations of others, the less likely you are to struggle with what they do. You know, the pick your battles thing.
In your situation OP I'd object politely about being paid and then drop it. He was trying to be respectful. Take the good intention at face value for what it was. A lot better than the alternative!
Last edited by Parnassia; 12-17-2019 at 01:55 PM..
Why would you now think twice about asking him for help? I really don't get why you are offended.
I have a very good friend - one of my best and closest friends - who routinely asks us to farm sit for her. She pays us. Though we are friends, it takes time and especially because it's regular and ongoing (a couple days a month), it keeps it from becoming something that might be considered an abuse of friendship. If we didn't do it, she'd be paying someone else.
Please understand, if she was unable to pay, we would still do it as a favor. But she feels better, and we feel better, that there isn't an imposition on either side this way.
Thanks - I did say that. I'm going to go w/the crowd and not say anything. He did say he values my time. Maybe (well I do) have an issue with thinking people will treat me the way I would them. I do think we'll continue in a friendly relationship (although I will think twice about asking for help) - Thanks to those that seem to understand the issue - much appreciated!
Are you reacting this way because you don’t wish to pay them for sitting your kid(s)?
Why would you now think twice about asking him for help? I really don't get why you are offended.
I have a very good friend - one of my best and closest friends - who routinely asks us to farm sit for her. She pays us. Though we are friends, it takes time and especially because it's regular and ongoing (a couple days a month), it keeps it from becoming something that might be considered an abuse of friendship. If we didn't do it, she'd be paying someone else.
Please understand, if she was unable to pay, we would still do it as a favor. But she feels better, and we feel better, that there isn't an imposition on either side this way.
I don't understand either. The only thing I can think of is because she said he didn't have to pay her - and he insisted - that she's offended.
Flamingo, you'd prefer they invite you out but maybe they're not comfortable with that. No reason to be offended when your neighbor is obviously trying to be considerate of your time and feels the need to compensate you for it.
Chances are it makes your friend feel good to pay you for your time spent being there for his kids. That is what "it's not about you" means. Doing something nice for a friend, like paying you when he didn't need to, was a nice gesture, and I am sure was not in any way meant to offend you.
My husband does a lot of little odd jobs for his family at times, and even though he tells them he doesn't want any money they often give him some anyway. It's just people being nice. If you make a big deal about this, it may offend HIM, so just accept it with grace and move on.
Another thought...but I obviously don't know your neighbor OP. To many people money is the easiest way they know to offer thanks for something received. It has a finite established value unlike intangible things. If money is very important to this person (maybe more so than other "favors") that could be their default way to return something. Again, it is more about them than it is about you. My dad was pretty obsessed with money. It tended to be the most important thing in his life. He had a very hard time "reading" others emotionally. He wanted to be fair, to be appreciative, but had a hard time expressing it. He wanted to stay on very equal terms with others and to not be indebted. Paying people in money, giving gifts of money was how he handled it. Once you understood this about him it made it easier to accept his intentions as sincere.
Last edited by Parnassia; 12-17-2019 at 02:45 PM..
I think the OP is offended because he/she views the neighbor as a friend...and feels that friends do favors for friends. With the neighbor insisting on paying the OP, and making it feel like a business transaction, I think the OP now believes that the neighbor doesn't see him/her as a friend.
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). When the other person doesn't comply, we end up feeling thwarted, frustrated. So, I guess the solution is to not expect everyone around you do do things exactly the same way you would. The more you let go of some of those minor expectations of others, the less likely you are to struggle with what they do. You know, the pick your battles thing.
