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No, you had an easy night. Let's try a possible scenario.
10 year old is choking, you do Heimlich, but it's not helping, you have 12 year old to call 911, but they're screaming "He's dying! HE'S DYING AAAAHHHHHHHH!!" The dog is barking frantically and you go to the phone while the 12 year old starts trying to do some idiotic CPR on the fading 10 year old and sobbing/screaming intermittently. Lucky for you, EMS was 12 blocks away and gets there in time to render aid and they haul all of you to the hospital and the 10 year old recovers, the 12 year old still has nightmares and the father is wondering who to believe, you or the 12 year old....
Take the money and forget it. I have a friend who is a plumber and HVAC specialist. He comes over when my furnace doesn't run. He says I don't owe him anything. I force $60 or $80 in his pocket because that is what the job is worth. We are still friends and he comes when I call. Maybe your neighbor wants you paid so he can ask you again without it seeming like he is imposing on you.
I appreciate that there have been responses but they don't really say anything. I shared that I was offended that he offered cash instead of just asking for a favor. No clue what realize it's not about me is even supposed to mean.
Maybe he doesn't like to owe people. I really don't understand how one is offended by someone paying for their time, but you could always use the money to buy him a gift or gifts for the kids, or donate it.
You are making more of being paid for your time than need be.
A neighbor who I considered a friend and who has helped me out (and like-wise) asked me to babysit and said he would pay. I said I would but he wouldn't pay me - they aren't small children - not sure of ages exactly but around 10-12 (two of them) - turned out I was bored out of my mind. The kids disappeared the entire evening to go play video games, etc. - I did get to talk to the sweet dog, LOL - I sat there in complete quiet for 5 hrs. w/my book (it was supposed to be 3 hrs.) - he came home, said he'd hit up the ATM and handed me money - I said "I told you you don't have to pay me", he said he'd told me he would. I was so tired and brain-dead at that point I relented but I really don't want the money (yes, I could use it but it's outrageous to pay that when I did nothing other than put away some food in the fridge). I would have so much better appreciated this if he'd asked it as a favor, suggested that he/his family/he and his girlfriend took me out for dinner or something sometime. Sorry for the long post - this has been stressing me out. Trying to figure out how to return the money but let him know I was offended (I'm sure he didn't mean offense). Not good at telling people to their face how I feel (I tend to cry very easily). Any opinions? Send him an email explains this?
Maybe I'm missing something, but it's not even clear to me what you were offended about. That you were subjected to a boring evening? That your friend knew it wasn't fun and kindly insisted on compensating you for your time? Okay, you might have preferred dinner, but he couldn't read your mind.
As far as I can tell, there is nothing whatsoever to give offense. If the money bothers you, you can always mail it back with a nice note saying you were happy to do it - even though that appears to be blatantly untrue. Better, though, unless there's something you're not telling us, just to keep the money and shut up.
Why on earth are you offended?? Most people would be angry if they didn't get paid for this! He does the right thing and pays you for the service you performed for him, and you're angry and offended?? Why are you so adamant that you do it for free? If you don't like it, don't babysit for him again. And as someone else said, donate the money if you don't want it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Parnassia
Another thought...but I obviously don't know your neighbor OP. To many people money is the easiest way they know to offer thanks for something received. It has a finite established value unlike intangible things. If money is very important to this person (maybe more so than other "favors") that could be their default way to return something. Again, it is more about them than it is about you. My dad was pretty obsessed with money. It tended to be the most important thing in his life. He had a very hard time "reading" others emotionally. He wanted to be fair, to be appreciative, but had a hard time expressing it. He wanted to stay on very equal terms with others and to not be indebted. Paying people in money, giving gifts of money was how he handled it. Once you understood this about him it made it easier to accept his intentions as sincere.
It's also because of the very reason money was invented: things can't be equal all the time, and money is the equalizer between people who may not have similar/compatible/complementary talents or assets. If Sue Smith does something for Joe Schmoe, there may not be a way Joe can pay her back. Maybe she fixed his car, but what he's good at is roofing and she rents an apartment and doesn't need a roof fixed. Or maybe she has a brand-new roof and it might be ten years before he can "return the favor." What to do? He can pay her money and she can be compensated that way. It doesn't have to be about "money is the most important thing to a person." It may be precisely what you said in the beginning of your post: that they recognize it for what it is-- the most efficient tool to accomplish the ends.
Quote:
Originally Posted by redplum33
I think the OP is offended because he/she views the neighbor as a friend...and feels that friends do favors for friends. With the neighbor insisting on paying the OP, and making it feel like a business transaction, I think the OP now believes that the neighbor doesn't see him/her as a friend.
Whereas other people would see it as, the neighbor has respected OP has a friend by compensating them for a service rendered that is usually compensated, rather than treating OP like a free babysitter and seeming to take advantage of them.
Whereas other people would see it as, the neighbor has respected OP has a friend by compensating them for a service rendered that is usually compensated, rather than treating OP like a free babysitter and seeming to take advantage of them.
As far as I know, the OP isn't a babysitter. She was doing a favor for a friend and doesn't appreciate being treated like hired help.
You trying to figure out why he paid you is almost as hard as us trying to figure out why you were offended when he paid you.
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