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Northeastern Pennsylvania Scranton, Wilkes-Barre, Pocono area
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Old 08-13-2009, 06:44 AM
 
1,815 posts, read 5,400,079 times
Reputation: 789

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Meggie came home from grade school one day and told her dad that she wanted to be a cupcake.



Scratching his head, her daddy asked, "Why do you want to be a cupcake?"


"I want to join the girls and earn badges and go to camp," said Meggie.


Her dad grinned and said, "Honey, you don't want to be a cupcake. You want to be a Brownie."
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:50 AM
 
2,473 posts, read 5,453,877 times
Reputation: 1204
To all Italian friends and family, and a few who are not - enjoy! ...and if you're from Brooklyn , New Joisey, or LonggggEyeland, you'll really appreciate this!


E y e -T a l i a n


Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?
Because Italians hate all witnesses.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said

TO NY
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You know you're Italian when . . . .

You can bench press 325 pounds,
shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit
two cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles
into a regular lunch bag.

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant,
travel agent and lawyer are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the same block. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall owners

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9",
it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when . . . .

Your grandfather had a fig tree.

You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

Christmas Eve . . . only fish.

Your mom's meatballs are the best.

You've been hit with a wooden spoon or had a shoe thrown at you.

There's clear plastic covers on all the furniture.

You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

You fight over whether it's called "sauce" or "gravy."

You've called someone a "mamaluke."

And you understand "bada bing"
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:54 AM
 
2,834 posts, read 10,766,026 times
Reputation: 1699
fubnny as always JG...don't you mean though...
You DON'T know how to pronounce 'manicotti' and 'mozzarella'??
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Old 08-14-2009, 12:23 PM
 
Location: Lawn Guyland New Yawk
371 posts, read 938,306 times
Reputation: 127
"man-a-coti" and "mutts-a-rella" right???
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Old 08-14-2009, 01:36 PM
 
Location: Dallas, PA
1,418 posts, read 3,584,000 times
Reputation: 602
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYRed View Post
"man-a-coti" and "mutts-a-rella" right???
In my family it's "man-a-got" and "moots-a-dell"
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Old 08-15-2009, 07:56 AM
 
2,760 posts, read 3,953,372 times
Reputation: 1977
Quote:
Originally Posted by EnyaGirl View Post
In my family it's "man-a-got" and "moots-a-dell"
Yuppers in mine too!
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Old 08-15-2009, 09:11 AM
 
1,815 posts, read 5,400,079 times
Reputation: 789
Good one JG!

(oh - and it's gravy, not sauce)
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Old 08-15-2009, 04:45 PM
 
2,473 posts, read 5,453,877 times
Reputation: 1204
BOB'S SURGERY

When Bob first noticed that his penis was growing larger and staying erect longer, he was delighted, as was his wife.

But after several weeks, his penis had grown fifty centimeters.

Bob became quite concerned. He was having problems dressing, and even walking. So he and his wife went to see a prominent urologist.

After an initial examination, the doctor explained to the couple that, though rare, Bob's condition could be fixed through corrective surgery.

'How long will Bob be on crutches?' the wife asked anxiously.

'Crutches? Why would he need crutches?' responded the surprised doctor.

'Well,' said the wife coldly, 'you're gonna lengthen his legs, aren't you?
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Old 08-16-2009, 06:11 AM
 
Location: Lawn Guyland New Yawk
371 posts, read 938,306 times
Reputation: 127
Oh Thats Great JG...ROFLMFAO!!!
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Old 08-17-2009, 09:19 AM
 
2,473 posts, read 5,453,877 times
Reputation: 1204
Three Men on a Hike

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging, violent river.
Needing to get to the other side, the first man prayed:

'God, please give me the strength to cross the river.'

Poof! .. God gave him big arms and strong legs
And he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed:

'God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river'

Poof! . God gave him a rowboat and strong arms
And strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour
After almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed:

'God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence
To cross the river'

Poof! .. He was turned into a woman.
She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.
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