NEPAs Own Off-Topic Thread ( family, home, photos) (moving to, park)

[Jungle George]

Ed can't get an erection so he goes to the doctor.

The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery.

Ed asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take some muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best.

Ed says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he says okay.

The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later he gives Ed the go ahead to try out his 'new equipment'.

Ed takes his wife out to dinner. While at dinner Ed starts feeling incredible pressure in his pants. It gets unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs an apple from the fruit basket, and disappears back into his pants.

His wife sits in shock for a few moments, and then gets a sly look on her face. She says, 'That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?'

With his eyes watering and a painful look on his face, Ed says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another apple up my a$$."

[lialleycat]

Originally Posted by Jungle George

After being in the aisles with people who've done the "can of beans" thing......ummmm.......NO!!!!!!

You have no sense (or is that scents) of adventure. LOL!

[Jungle George]

Originally Posted by lialleycat

You have no sense (or is that scents) of adventure. LOL!

God only nose...uh...I mean "knows"....I DO TOO!!!

[PITTSTON2SARASOTA]

Originally Posted by Jungle George

Ed can't get an erection so he goes to the doctor.

The doctor tells him the muscles at the base of his penis are broken down and there's nothing he can do unless he's willing to try an experimental surgery.

Ed asks what the surgery is. The doctor tells him they take some muscles from the base of a baby elephant's trunk, insert them in the base of his penis, and hope for the best.

Ed says that sounds pretty scary but the thought of never having sex again is even scarier, so he says okay.

The doctor goes ahead and performs the surgery and about 6 weeks later he gives Ed the go ahead to try out his 'new equipment'.

Ed takes his wife out to dinner. While at dinner Ed starts feeling incredible pressure in his pants. It gets unbearable and he figures no one can see him so he undoes his pants. No sooner does he do this than his penis pops out of his pants, rolls across the table, grabs an apple from the fruit basket, and disappears back into his pants.

His wife sits in shock for a few moments, and then gets a sly look on her face. She says, 'That was pretty cool! Can you do that again?'

With his eyes watering and a painful look on his face, Ed says, "Probably, but I don't know if I can fit another apple up my a$$."

And here I was complaining about a prostate exam...LOL....a big thumbs up... An apple a day keeps....the doctor at bay....LOL.

[lialleycat]

Funny Staff Meeting

The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous
staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. (This is one
pretty sharp boss!) When everyone gathered, the boss, who understood
the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the
meeting was to have a quick contest.

THE THEME: Viagra advertising slogans.

The only rule was they had to use past ad slogans - originally written
for other products - that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight
variations were acceptable.

About 7 minutes later, they turned in their suggestions and created a
Top 10 List. With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the
week went very well for everyone! Talk about raising moral of
employees. But, isn't that the purpose of Viagra~~~"raising"?

The top 10 were:

10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up! (Kayla's favorite!)

9. Viagra, The quicker pecker picker upper.

8. Viagra, like a rock!

7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.

6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.

5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.

4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.

3. Viagra, Home of the whopper!

2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!

And the unanimous number one slogan:

1. This is your peepee. This is your peepee on drugs.

[Jungle George]

There was an Italian immigrant man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real "miser" when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his Italian wife..."When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me."

And so he got his wife to promise him, with all of her heart, that when he died, she would put all of the money into the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there - dressed in black, (what else), and her best friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, and just before the undertaker got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a moment!"

She had a small metal box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertaker locked the casket down and they rolled it away. So her friend said,

"I know you were not fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband."

The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an Italian Catholic & I cannot go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in the casket with him."

You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!?!?!?"

"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account, I wrote him a check.... If he can cash it, then he can spend it."

AMEN!

[Jungle George]

A wife was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate
point in the process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.
Something he will use to log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the
shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention.
So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly
obvious to his wife that he was keying in...

P.....


E.....

N.....

I....

S.....

He then hit the ENTER key....


His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:

PASSWORD DENIED - NOT LONG ENOUGH

[Jungle George]

Hysterical!

1) - This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. (Kelly, age 6)

2) - Oysters' balls are called pearls. (Jerry, age 6)

3) - If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don't have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. (Mark, age 7)

4) - Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend any more. ( Chelsea , age 6)

5) - A dolphin breaths through an a$$hole on the top of its head. (Billy, age 8)

6) - My uncle goes out in his boat with 2 other men and a woman and pots and comes back with crabs. (Millie, age 6)

7) - When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn't blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. (William, age 7)

8) - Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? (Helen, age 6)

9) - I'm not going to write about the ocean. My baby brother is always crying, my Dad keeps yelling at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write. (Amy, age 6)

10) - Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. (Christopher, age 7)

11) - When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. (Jeff, age 6)

12) - Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can't go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. (Becky, age 8)

13) - On vacation my Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won't do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. (Julie, age 7)

14) - The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don't drown I don't know. (Bobby, age 6)

15) - My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn't know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. (James, age 7)

[Jungle George]

Lolcats ‘n’ Funny Pictures of Cats – I Can Has Cheezburger?

[poconoproud]

how do mermaids get pregnant?...i mean, like really!


funny stuff!!

Another Viagra ad could have been "HeadOn...apply directly to the Head" but i really like the pecker picker upper...