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Old 06-22-2009, 07:37 AM
 
1,815 posts, read 5,401,308 times
Reputation: 789

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Go to this site: (It’s pretty cool)

Type in what you want the dog to do… Like….. Roll, bark, etc……


http://www.idodogtricks.com/index_flash.html
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Old 06-22-2009, 10:26 AM
 
Location: Western Hoosierland
17,998 posts, read 9,065,071 times
Reputation: 5943
kool site!
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Old 06-22-2009, 12:24 PM
 
2,473 posts, read 5,455,621 times
Reputation: 1204
Default God's Dilemna With Bill Gates

Well, Bill," said God, "I'm really confused on this one. I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell! After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in the world and yet you created that ghastly Windows. I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to let you decide where you want to go!"

Mr. Gates replied, "Well, thanks, Lord. What's the difference between the two?"

God said, "You can take a peek at both places briefly if it will help you decide. Shall we look at Hell first?" "Sure!" said Bill. So they looked at the first wall monitor.

Bill was amazed! He saw a clean, white sandy beach with clear waters. There were thousands of beautiful women running around, playing in the water, laughing and frolicking about.

The sun was shining and the temperature was just perfect!

Bill said, "This is great! If this is Hell, I can't wait to see Heaven!"

To which God replied, "Let's go!" and they walked to the second wall monitor. Bill saw puffy white clouds in a beautiful blue sky with angels drifting about playing harps and singing.

It was nice, but surely not as enticing as Hell. Mr. Gates thought for only a brief moment and rendered his decision.

"God, I do believe I would like to go to Hell."

"As you desire," said God.

Two weeks later, God decided to check up on the late billionaire to see how things were going. He found Bill shackled to a wall, screaming among the hot flames in a dark cave. He was being burned and tortured by demons.

"How ya doin', Bill?" asked God. Bill responded with anguish and despair.

"This is awful! This is not what I expected at all! What happened to the beach and the beautiful women playing in the water?"


"Oh, THAT!" said God. "That was the screen saver".
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Old 06-22-2009, 01:57 PM
 
Location: Western Hoosierland
17,998 posts, read 9,065,071 times
Reputation: 5943
LoL..!!!
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Old 06-22-2009, 03:07 PM
 
Location: Sunshine N'Blue Skies
13,321 posts, read 22,669,821 times
Reputation: 11696
Quote:
Originally Posted by lialleycat View Post
Go to this site: (It’s pretty cool)

Type in what you want the dog to do… Like….. Roll, bark, etc……


http://www.idodogtricks.com/index_flash.html

Oh he is adorable, isn't he?
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Old 06-22-2009, 03:29 PM
 
2,473 posts, read 5,455,621 times
Reputation: 1204
I went into my proctologist' s office for my first rectal exam.

His new nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room and told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me.
She said that he would only be a few minutes.

After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down. While waiting I observed that there were three items on a stand next to the exam table:

A Tube of K-Y jelly,
A rubber glove
And a beer.

When the doctor finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. This is my first exam.

I know what the K-Y is for and I know what the glove is for, but can you tell me what the BEER is for?

At that Doctor Paul became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.

He flung the door open and yelled to his nurse .. . . . . .

"Darn it Evelyn!!!

I said a BUTT LIGHT"
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Old 06-23-2009, 04:47 AM
 
1,815 posts, read 5,401,308 times
Reputation: 789
Two elderly women were fussing about their husbands over tea one day.

"I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous!" the first one said.

"Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick."

"What did you do?"


"I hid his teeth."
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Old 06-23-2009, 06:58 AM
 
2,473 posts, read 5,455,621 times
Reputation: 1204
Default Sorry Ladies...Had To Do It...

Men strike back!


How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me.."
-------------------------------------------------------------------
How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Women will never be equal to men
until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
In the beginning, God created the earth and rested.
Then God created Man and rested.
Then God created Woman.
Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
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Old 06-24-2009, 04:35 AM
 
1,815 posts, read 5,401,308 times
Reputation: 789
A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans with a box of frozen crabs and asked a female crew member to take care of the box for him. She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator. He pointedly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, mentioned that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out. Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.


Shortly before landing in New York she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans please raise your hand?"


Not one hand went up so she took them home and ate them.
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Old 06-24-2009, 09:10 AM
 
2,473 posts, read 5,455,621 times
Reputation: 1204
2 women meet in Heaven...

1st woman: Hi! My name is Sandra.
2nd woman: Hi! I'm Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman: I froze to death.
2nd woman: How horrible!

1st woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman: So, what happened?

2nd woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking.
I ran up into the attic and searched,and down into the basement.. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds.
I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.
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