NEPAs Own Off-Topic Thread ( family, home, photos) (York, Hazleton: mall, recycle)

[Jungle George]

A professor at the University of Michigan was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your a**hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........

[lialleycat]

Originally Posted by Jungle George

A professor at the University of Michigan was giving a lecture on 'Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students.

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what your a**hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.........

That's hysterical!!!! Love it!

[lialleycat]

At a meeting of the AARP (American Assc of Retired People) they
showed a video that was submitted in a contest by a 20 yr old.
The contest was titled 'u @ 50'.

This video actually won second place.

When they showed it , everyone in the room was awe-struck and broke
into spontaneous applause.

So simple and yet so brilliant.

Take a minute and watch it.


YouTube - Lost Generation

[Jungle George]

On the first day, she sadly packed her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining-room table, by candlelight; she put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,and a bottle of spring-water.

When she'd finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimps dipped in caviar into the hollow centre of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left..

On the fourth day, the husband came back with his new girlfriend, and at first all was bliss.

Then, slowly, the house began to smell. They tried everything - cleaning, mopping, and airing out the place.

Vents were checked for dead rodents, and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which time the two had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they couldn't take the stench any longer, and
decided they had to move, but a month later - even though they'd cut their price in half - they couldn't find a buyer for such a stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, unable to wait any longer for a purchaser, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

Then the ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for having the house.

Knowing she could have no idea how bad the smell really was, he agreed on a price that was only 1/10th of what the house had been worth..... but only if she would sign the papers that very day.

She agreed, and within two hours his lawyers delivered the completed paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home....

.....and to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

[Jungle George]

YOU GOTTA LOVE A GOOD NURSE


A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.

However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his crotch. Worried that it might be a second surgery and the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown up enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Taped firmly across his pubic hair were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily.

Written in large black letters was the sentence: 'Get well soon...from the nurse in the Jeep you pulled over last week.'

[Summering]

Both of you............I don't know where you find all of this cute story lines..........
Its nice to have a late evening laugh........
I just got back from a Mardi Gras Party and it was a ton of fun. Lots of balloons, and beads....dixie singing....it was in Murrells Inlet, SC at " Flos".....
A nice bunch of joyful, merry-makers........Now to wind down....

[Summering]

This was so funny.......It ends with " You don't have to shovel HEAT"......
The entire article is about someone in the Poconos discontent with winter.......it is quite funny.
Winter of my discontent - poconorecord.com - The Pocono Record

[SteelCityRising]

Originally Posted by Jungle George

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?

I'm going to plead the Fifth here!

[Jungle George]

A husband walks into Victoria's Secret to purchase a sheer negligee
for his wife. He is shown several possibilities that range from $250
to $500 in price -- the more sheer, the higher the price. Naturally,
he opts for the most sheer item, pays the $500, and takes it home. He
presents it to his wife and asks her to go upstairs, put it on, and
model it for him.

Upstairs the wife thinks (she's no dummy), 'I have an idea. It's so sheer that
it might as well be nothing. I won't put it on, but I'll do the
modeling naked, return it tomorrow, and keep the $500 refund for
myself.'

She appears naked on the balcony and strikes a pose.

The husband says, 'Good Grief! You'd think for $500, they'd at least iron it!'

He never heard the shot.

Funeral on Thursday at Noon. Closed coffin.

[Summering]

Off to the beach today hopefully.........because even though today is in the 70's......This weekend will be "awful" "awful"......Sat, Sun and Monday.......Yikes. Do you believe Monday it just may SNOW.....Comeon', Comeon'.....Its spring isn't it? I saw daffodils down here......I did....
I hear it will be cold in Florida too.......JG are you listening?
March is usually the best winter month here in SC.....I really hope the weatherman is wrong....
The movie I want to see is not out yet. But, I will have to pick one or two and head there.....
I don't want to look out the window at bad weather, and the Coastal Mall is so bright, and sunny....