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rkb0305, I am trying to relate my post to the OP because he has given clues to his character and his relationship with his wife. The wife comes from a house of lousy housekeepers, his mom was perfect. He needs the distinction between wants and needs.
Yes, I could go to work and pay for a housekeeper but I chose to stay home. I am just as happy either way because if I wasn't my life would be a waste.
I guess I'm lucky my husband was raised by a terrible housekeeper. LOL. Actually, I'm kind of a clean freak, but I work really hard not to judge others by my standards. You're right, though. Depending on how we were raised, we have different ideas of what is clean and what isn't.
I'd still like to know how dirty the house is. If it's just a matter of clutter, it's easy enough to come up with a system to deal with it. But if the house is truly dirty (crusty dishes, dirty clothes about the house, crumbs and food on the floor, sticky countertops, etc.), it may well be time to bring in some help. That kind of filth will attract vermin, and then you've got an even bigger problem.
As for the kids, they can be taught to clean up after themselves. My girls have a terrible habit of taking off their socks and leaving them in the living room. So I tell them that if I find dirty socks, I'll put them in the lunch box and then tomorrow at school, before you can eat, you'll have to remove your dirty socks in front of all of your friends. I know it sounds ridiculous, but if I even so much as start to say "whose socks are these?" my girls come running! I never had to follow through, but they believe that I will. Too much? Maybe, but it's definitely one to tell the grandkids!
Ok... I don't normally come here but I need some imput.
First off, my situation: I work 2 jobs (1 full-time and the other as I please/need for the family business). My wife is a stay at home mom; we have three kids (ages 10, 8 and 3) and live in a smaller home (about 2000 sq ft.)
The problem is she just cannot keep the house clean. It slowly becomes a wreck as the week progresses and by the time Saturday rolls around it's a disaster. I spend about 4-5 hours cleaning it from top to bottom EVERY Saturday. My wife makes dinner maybe 1/2 of the week and I have to do pretty much all of my own laundry if I want clean clothes.
We've had repeated fights over the issue... she says there is not enough time to do all that mom's have to do and that I should help more. The kids tell me she sleeps in late every morning and watches TV all the time. During school time the kids have really lousy tardy records too.
I feel like I'm getting a raw deal here... How do you get somebody to pull their weight? Am I the problem? Is it really impossible for a homemaker to keep a little house in order?
She is lazy
You are married to a lazy women
Oh there is plenty of time for her to get the job done.
Im sorry to say you got what you asked for.
My mom had 7 kids and we all had to do chores, and our house was never dirty, and my mom made supper every nite.
I have kids too a single mom work fulltime and attend college too
my house is never cluttered.
My boyfriends house was messy one time and I told him it was ashame how his house could look like that when its only him and his 20 yr old daugher. I also told him he needs to clean it cuz I dont date slobs
Now he keeps it clean.
Who knows maybe her love making outweights her home making skills thats why you put up with it
How embarassing cant bring family or friends over.
People will talk about how dirty your house is..
Y'all can philosophically analyze it all you want, I still think she needs to get her bottom off of the couch and out of that bed and keep her house clean. No excuses. If depression has set in, then hard physical work like scrubbing the kitchen floor or bathrooms will actually occupy her mind and help her. She needs to get busy.
OK. you've given your opinion on WHAT. What about the HOW? You haven't solved any problems for this poster. and I'm willing to bet you've never scrubbed a floor in your life.
Ok... I don't normally come here but I need some imput.
First off, my situation: I work 2 jobs (1 full-time and the other as I please/need for the family business). My wife is a stay at home mom; we have three kids (ages 10, 8 and 3) and live in a smaller home (about 2000 sq ft.)
The problem is she just cannot keep the house clean. It slowly becomes a wreck as the week progresses and by the time Saturday rolls around it's a disaster. I spend about 4-5 hours cleaning it from top to bottom EVERY Saturday. My wife makes dinner maybe 1/2 of the week and I have to do pretty much all of my own laundry if I want clean clothes.
We've had repeated fights over the issue... she says there is not enough time to do all that mom's have to do and that I should help more. The kids tell me she sleeps in late every morning and watches TV all the time. During school time the kids have really lousy tardy records too.
I feel like I'm getting a raw deal here... How do you get somebody to pull their weight? Am I the problem? Is it really impossible for a homemaker to keep a little house in order?
I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing....and work full time. I think I'M getting a raw deal.
She is lazy
You are married to a lazy women
Oh there is plenty of time for her to get the job done.
Im sorry to say you got what you asked for.
My mom had 7 kids and we all had to do chores, and our house was never dirty, and my mom made supper every nite.
I have kids too a single mom work fulltime and attend college too
my house is never cluttered.
My boyfriends house was messy one time and I told him it was ashame how his house could look like that when its only him and his 20 yr old daugher. I also told him he needs to clean it cuz I dont date slobs
Now he keeps it clean.
Who knows maybe her love making outweights her home making skills thats why you put up with it
How embarassing cant bring family or friends over.
People will talk about how dirty your house is..
When I was a single working mom, my house looked fabulous. Know why? No one was there to mess it up.
I'm out the door about 7:20 AM, back at 5:30 PM M-F and work Sat, sometimes Sun too about twice a month. The family isn't very helpful about watching our kids; our kids have a "reputation" for being monsters I guess. We sometimes get neighbor girls to babysit for a couple hours and do a date night, but the only real break she gets from them is school, (which is out for the summer at the moment).
It's funny too, because she wants to do homeschool, but I've talked her out of it (for now anyway). She needs the break but doesn't want to take it.
Our three-year old isn't in preschool and we didn't plan to put her in one (we did that with our son and didn't feel like it was really worth it in the end, so we haven't done it since)...
If you don't already know then I would ask her what her days are like. Does she get out of the house with the kids? Do they stay home all of the time?
I think that dividing up the chores is a good idea. Maybe she could be in charge of running all of the family errands (running to the bank, grocery shopping etc.) since those are way easier to get done during the work week then they are on the weekends and be responsible for cleaning the kitchen and cooking dinner every night since you're not home in time to help with that. After dinner take 30 minutes to an hour where everyone in the family cleans. We call it "cleaning frenzy". We split up the rooms and spend 30 minutes to an hour doing nothing but cleaning. For some reason it's easier to clean when everyone is doing it. Blasting the stereo helps keep the mood light. With everyone pitching in your house could be clean by 7PM every night and then you can all have time to relax.
On Sundays sit down with your wife and come up with a meal plan for the week. From the meal plan come up with a grocery list. I'm betting this will help her keep up with getting dinner on the table every night. Part of the problem with getting dinner on the table every night is not knowing what to make, not having the right ingredients or not planning ahead. Make sure some of the meals are easy things like soup and sandwiches, burritos or something that can be made in the crock pot so that she's not trying to cook a 5 course meal every night.
Come up with laundry schedule. Maybe she can put the clothes in right before she starts cooking dinner and you can put them in the dryer when you get home. After dinner assign someone in the family the chore of folding and getting the clothes to their proper rooms during your family cleaning time. These are just suggestions, obviously you'll need to come up with a plan that works best for your family.
If your kids have a reputation for being monsters then it's understandable that she doesn't manage to get a whole lot accomplished during the day. You are home enough to help out. It sounds like your wife is in a rut and needs help getting out of it. She may need some kind of schedule or routine for her days. She will probably have to figure this out for herself. If you could have afforded to send your 3 year old to preschool but aren't then you should have enough money to hire a cleaning person 2 days a month.
When you talk to her about this, approach it in a way to let her know that you are concerned about things and want to figure out a way to help. If you do this calmly without pointing fingers I don't see how she couldn't be receptive.
I don't have any real answers for you, but if it means anything at all, I agree with you that your wife is lazy (it's not your imagination or a difference of opinion).
My DH is out the door 6:30am and back 7:00pm M-F and works most Sat's (7 - 4). I have 2 boys, 9 and 2. DS1 is on the AS. I became a SAHM a couple of years ago and it is soooo hard! Home mgmt doesn't come as easily for me as many other SAHM. Even though my philosophy is that our boys come before housework, somehow our house is somewhat presentable, dinner is ready, and there are clean clothes. I even manage to polish the cabinets once in awhile. I agree that you can't get everything done, but a SAH person should be able to get some of the basics done. BTW, I grew up in a lazy homemaker home.
Here's an idea: instead of doing the housework this Sat, you spend time with the kids and your wife do the cleaning.
How messy is messy? You never answered that question either. Without knowing what you consider to be messy I'm not sure that any of this is particularly helpful or even relevant because it could just be a case of a husband with unrealistic expectations. It'd also be helpful to know how many hours you wife is home alone with the kids each day. We aren't getting the whole story, just your side of it. If you just want people to agree with you that she's lazy and put all of the blame on her then I guess that will do but if you really want to figure out solutions then it sure would be helpful to know the answer to those questions as it would shed some light on the situation as a whole.
I'm having a hard time keeping up with this thread. I only posted it last night and got a boatload of replies.
I'm looking for ideas to help the problem, not for "poor baby" comments and the critical posts have actually been the most helpful.
Clean to me means the dishes are done, the stuff is off the floor and organized, no crumbs, food or trash laying around, laundry cleaned and put away at least weekly and no scary smells. I would personally like to have a picture perfect "magazine house" but realistically it ain't gonna happen with three little kids. I know this, but I don't like it.
Perhaps my expectations are on the high side, but I have my reasons for that too. We live in a one-of-a-kind National Historic Register listed home that most folks would agree is "special" and I've put A LOT of work into restoring and maintaining it, not to mention a lot of money. It pains me to see it be abused and neglected by the rest of the family.
Maybe I should just move into a "throw away" modern home that I don't care so much about...
WTH do those kids do to get a reputation as "monsters"?
They are very active, assertive and very independent... just like daddy.
Plus my son, being legally blind with emotional problems is "high maintenance" all by his self.
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You're right, though. Depending on how we were raised, we have different ideas of what is clean and what isn't.
It'd also be helpful to know how many hours you wife is home alone with the kids each day. We aren't getting the whole story, just your side of it. If you just want people to agree with you that she's lazy and put all of the blame on her then I guess that will do but if you really want to figure out solutions then it sure would be helpful to know the answer to those questions as it would shed some light on the situation as a whole.
