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Rkb: I have never passed any comment on working moms and wives, ever. Both single, married, with and without kids, and empty nesters have passed comments simply on my answer to what I do. They are simply offended by the fact I say I am a homemaker. I am shy in nature and often fail to defend myself, which I need to learn. Actually most men couldn't care less what I do as it seems it's mostly women who are in some sort of competition as to who works harder. The OP's views of the SAHM and her friends are a bit disturbing if you ask me.
Working all day and doing a second shift is not for me, kudos to what works for you.
Rkb: I have never passed any comment on working moms and wives, ever. Both single, married, with and without kids, and empty nesters have passed comments simply on my answer to what I do. They are simply offended by the fact I say I am a homemaker. I am shy in nature and often fail to defend myself, which I need to learn. Actually most men couldn't care less what I do as it seems it's mostly women who are in some sort of competition as to who works harder. The OP's views of the SAHM and her friends are a bit disturbing if you ask me.
Working all day and doing a second shift is not for me, kudos to what works for you.
Never huh?
"What frustrates me is when working moms complain that they just couldn't afford living on one income because they have to keep up with their expensive lifestyles. I have no problem with working moms, if working makes them happy and/or they have to work to put food on the table, I'm all for that! But when they keep whining about needing more designer bags while their kids are in day care for 12 hours a day, gimme a break"
So apparently you make value judgments about people as well, enough with the martyr act already.
And to be perfectly honest there is a world of difference between staying home to raise and take care of one's children and choosing not to work period.
To all the SAHMs I appreciate what you do and I KNOW it is not easy to do.
I am also honest enough to admit I personally have no respect for people who are educated and choose to not work (even if it is just volunteering somewhere) even when they have no children.
Given that I don't really need to work I would not feel right taking a job from someone who needed it to support themselves. I have worked in the past. I may decide to work again. I am sorry you don't respect that but honestly, it's your problem not mine.
NYSinger, I think what many people are trying to tell you is that, whether you realize it or not, reviving a thread with this salvo put a lot of them on the defensive.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NYSinger
Women are not trained to cook and take care of a home anymore, let alone be a mom. It is all about being as close to a man as possible and rejecting all femininity in order to become "better".
This is a Parenting board. Most of us here are parents. Some of us stay at home, some of us work. I think many of us identify as feminists--I do. The only comment I've seen since you started posting that suggests any of us should be more like men is one statement that unlike men, women still have so much anxiety and guilt regarding their life choices.
Meh. The SAHP vs. Working parent vs. Childless by choice threads are older than the hills and have been beaten to death - one day (sooner than later I hope!) we will get over this impulse to attack each other's choices. In this country we are all FREE to make choices for ourselves about our own lives, we are luckier than we know...
OP - the desire to have children is normal, although having children isn't for everyone. Whether a parent stays at home, works, goes part time, whatever is a decision based on individual circumstances and preferences. When I was in my 20's I had no desire to become a mom (much less a SAHM - eek!) but that changed in my 30's when I found out I was expecting my first child. I'm a SAHM now but I can see myself going back to work, too.
Don't allow a narrowed focus in life to become your rigid one way street.
Last edited by springfieldva; 09-14-2011 at 07:32 AM..
Meh. The SAHP vs. Working parent vs. Childless by choice threads are older than the hills and have been beaten to death - one day (sooner than later I hope!) we will get over this impulse to attack each other's choices. In this country we are all FREE to make choices for ourselves about our own lives, we are luckier than we know...
OP - the desire to have children is normal, although having children isn't for everyone. Whether a parent stays at home, works, goes part time, whatever is a decision based on individual circumstances and preferences. When I was in my 20's I had no desire to become a mom (much less a SAHM - eek!) but that changed in my 30's when I found out I was expecting my first child. I'm a SAHM now but I can see myself going back to work, too.
Don't allow your focus in life to become a rigid one way street.
The only comment I've seen since you started posting that suggests any of us should be more like men is one statement that unlike men, women still have so much anxiety and guilt regarding their life choices.
Are you referring to this comment?
Quote:
Originally Posted by formercalifornian
After reading through the past few pages of this thread, I find myself wondering if men are similarly angst-ridden over their choices....
Nah.
I can't say I intended to imply that women should be more like men, but I can see how it might have come across that way. Mostly, I was just poking fun at myself, as I commonly do when I see my personal crazy reflected in these pages. I must acknowledge that it's nice to see that I am not alone in being, perhaps, a little too sensitive about how others view me. That said, I'm finding it a bit easier as I age to rest comfortably in my own unique skin. I wish the same for all of you.
I can't say I intended to imply that women should be more like men, but I can see how it might have come across that way. Mostly, I was just poking fun at myself, as I commonly do when I see my personal crazy reflected in these pages. I must acknowledge that it's nice to see that I am not alone in being, perhaps, a little too sensitive about how others view me. That said, I'm finding it a bit easier as I age to rest comfortably in my own unique skin. I wish the same for all of you.
Yep, that one. I couldn't remember who said it, sorry. I don't have a problem with what you said. To me, it seemed like you were saying that women tend to worry too much about our choices and especially about whether others approve of our choices ... and so maybe we should try to worry a little less and just get on with our lives as best we can. That's how I read it, anyway. I definitely didn't think you were "rejecting all femininity," which is what NYSinger says women are "all about" now.
NYSinger: I seem to be a "Radical Homemaker". Without realising it. (But I have this thing about being labeled so my knee-jerk reaction would be to say, "No I'm not.") Anyway, apparently there is a bit of a revolution going on that I was not aware of.
Because of the label thing I hate to label myself a feminist but I believe in Women's Rights. I'm old enough to have been descriminated against in the workplace because of my sex. There were places I could not go, in the 70's and 80's when I was working, because I was a woman. But I never read Gloria or Betty. Never felt the need to. I'd been raised by two parents who brought me up believing I could do whatever I wanted to. So while my friends were all busy being liberated I thought, meh. Been there. Done that. (Though I did campaign for the ERA.)
Though I was successful in my field I chose to stop working when I had my children. Old fashioned. I'd always wanted to have a family so I saw no point in my working and sending them off to daycare. No, if my kids were going to get screwed up, it would be because of me. Joke.
I have a lot of Amish relatives on one side of the family. When my father came to live with us (kids were small) we went back to see them. It was pretty eye-opening. I liked their values and the simplicity of their lives. It changed our lives. We put in a garden. I learned to can. I baked bread. We centered our lives around our Christian faith more than ever. Thank goodness for the hippie left-overs in our neighborhoord or I'm sure we'd have been the whack-job back-to-Earthers.
It has worked for us. Some women need to have the fulfillment of a career. I understand that. I found fulfillment in supporting my DH in his career. (And when my kids were older I went back to work part-time.) More than anything, I believe people should find their own paths to happiness. I have great friends who couldn't can to save their souls. (I can also clean a fish and, if I had to, dress a deer and pack the meat. But I have no desire to, lol.)
I can recommend a couple of books for you: "Amish Peace" by Suzanne Woods Fisher and "Plain and Happy Living - Amish Recipes & Remedies" by Emma Byler. Yes, I can make a salve or brew a tea with weeds from the garden to help your cough. I've found a lot of mis-information about the Amish out there. These two books do a good job of explaining how they really live. Amish women have been Radical Homemakers for over 200 years.
Anyway, I wish you well in your own quest. We all have to find our own walk.
I wanted to come back and add that, even though I'm all for equal rights, and have been labeled a "feminist" in this thread, I do believe that men and women are inherently different. Equal, but different. I think that's why more often it is the woman who stays home, not the man. In general, women are more wired for it.
I also think I/we see thing differently in hindsight than we do in the moment, and I think the grass often seems greener on the other side.
When I worked full time, I couldn't wait to stay home. When I was home with 2 preschoolers, I couldn't wait for them to be in school. Now that they are both in school, I am bored and almost depressed at home. Even though they drove me nuts during the preschool years, I am glad I was able to be home for that part of their lives. Now that it is over, though, I need to go back to work. I need something scheduled and productive to do while they are not home. I am not good at being productive around the house when I don't have outside motivation. I only know this because i tried it.
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I don't have a problem with what you said. To me, it seemed like you were saying that women tend to worry too much about our choices and especially about whether others approve of our choices ... and so maybe we should try to worry a little less and just get on with our lives as best we can. That's how I read it, anyway. I definitely didn't think you were "rejecting all femininity," which is what NYSinger says women are "all about" now.