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People's budgets are stretched tight, and they shouldn't be subjected to pressure from other people to spend money they don't have.
Yes, this.
It seems everyone is is having to watch their money more carefully these days.
We do not (?) know the OP's financial situation.
Just because the woman who is having her 2nd baby is in financial difficulties doesn't mean that the OP isn't. Maybe OP doesn't have a lot of extra to spare right now.
With the cost of gas and groceries, etc., maybe a lot of people don't have extra to spare right now (I know I don't!). Maybe the other women in the office feel the same way but are too embarrassed to say anything.
I'm sure if this should be under pregnancy, but I started it here.
I know the general rule is no second baby shower. Some exceptions might be say, if they have older kids (as in teens). But I am curious to know if this is changing or what.
A girl here at work has a 2 y/o with a second on the way. Her friend sent around an email last week that this week they were throwing her a shower. They were collecting money to buy the pizza/cake, giving her the remaining money PLUS wanted you to buy her a gift card. The reason given is "she is struggling financially". For the record, she is having the same gender baby so there is a lot she won't need to buy.
So today we get an email saying in a couple weeks they are having a shower for another girl having her second (same gender, child is almost 3). Obviously they are doing this because if you do for one you do for the other. It's being done the same way - asking for money to buy the food, then requesting you give her gift cards.
Now, MY feelings are "I gave for the first and I am not close with them, so I am not giving/attending for this one". Not to mention if I can't afford it, I just won't attend.
But is anyone else appalled by this or is it just me?
I'm not sure what's appalling about this. I don't find it appalling at all. Someone has a friend whom she feels is in need and she's asking her coworkers to help out. If times are tough for you, perhaps you can pitch in for the pizza/cake party and simply forego the gift card. If times are REALLY tough for you, don't feel guilty if you can't give! You can't squeeze blood from a turnip.
I do think this expecting woman has a good friend though. I mean, she's just trying to help her friend out. Some people DO feel an obligation to help others and truly feel hurt and left out if they are not given that opportunity. Therefore, the opportunity has been given. You are under no obligation to give to her, but you have been given the opportunity.
As I said earlier, what exactly is so appalling to you? Is it that you're feeling guilty because you don't feel as if you can afford to give anything? because you resent being "put upon"? ....that you will be thought less of, IF you don't give anything? Frankly, if I wasn't feeling guilty, I wouldn't be wasting any energy being appalled.
I'm not sure what's appalling about this. I don't find it appalling at all. Someone has a friend whom she feels is in need and she's asking her coworkers to help out. If times are tough for you, perhaps you can pitch in for the pizza/cake party and simply forego the gift card. If times are REALLY tough for you, don't feel guilty if you can't give! You can't squeeze blood from a turnip.
I disagree. A tough time is a co-worker who is very sick, or who has lost a loved one, or who's hubby has lost his job and her hours have been cut down to part-time. That is something co-workers pitch in and help for. A married couple deciding to have their second child does not fall under that category.
And it is tacky to tell people what to bring to a shower and how much to spend, in ANY circumstance. No one is obliged to give at a baby shower to help someone out. Nor should a co-worker feel compelled to chip in to pay for pizza and cake. How does that help someone in need?
ETA: CT has pointed out several times that this particular department tracks who give and who doesn't give. I find that appalling.
I'm sure if this should be under pregnancy, but I started it here.
I know the general rule is no second baby shower. Some exceptions might be say, if they have older kids (as in teens). But I am curious to know if this is changing or what.
A girl here at work has a 2 y/o with a second on the way. Her friend sent around an email last week that this week they were throwing her a shower. They were collecting money to buy the pizza/cake, giving her the remaining money PLUS wanted you to buy her a gift card. The reason given is "she is struggling financially". For the record, she is having the same gender baby so there is a lot she won't need to buy.
So today we get an email saying in a couple weeks they are having a shower for another girl having her second (same gender, child is almost 3). Obviously they are doing this because if you do for one you do for the other. It's being done the same way - asking for money to buy the food, then requesting you give her gift cards.
Now, MY feelings are "I gave for the first and I am not close with them, so I am not giving/attending for this one". Not to mention if I can't afford it, I just won't attend.
But is anyone else appalled by this or is it just me?
Well, technically, no-- it's not really on for subsequent babies.
But it's a nice gesture, if badly handled (the host should never demand specific presents, even in someone else's name). "Come celebrate Sara's new baby with us!" would have been better phrasing, and leave it up to the guests if they intend to offer gifts, or merely heartfelt good wishes, or not attend at all-- which would necessitate having it after work hours, in a neutral space.
Maybe this is where different regions/circles comes into play. What is considered expensive? At most showers I attend for first-time moms, most gifts seem to range in the $20 to $40 area, so not really breaking the bank. All of the big, pricey stuff (furniture, carseat, stroller) is typically bought by the parents, grandparents or siblings. I think the most expensive gift we received at ours was a $75 gift card from a very good friend. Most gifts were much, much cheaper than that. And that was wonderful and I was very grateful, but the big stuff came out of our pocket. For a second shower, I wouldn't do much more than a pack of Gerber onesies and a small pack of diapers.
In my area, a shower usually implies registering at Babies R Us for strollers, car seats, pack and plays, high chairs, swings, etc. Very close family might buy a big ticket item themselves, otherwise several of us will go in together on 1 big ticket item. Which reminds me, registering for a second or third child is a whole other level of tacky.
For example, the cousin I referred to earlier who thought she needed a shower for her second child because this one was a girl and her first (3 years age difference) was a boy. She thought she needed new car seats, strollers, swings, high chairs, etc. because she wanted everything for her daughter to be pink. It wasn't that she didn't already have this stuff from her son, it was that it wasn't pink. And she did have that second shower, but only her friends were invited, her mom said he!! no to inviting family because we don't do second showers in our family.
As far as giving a small gift, I was given small gifts of cute little outfits, etc. from friends and family when my DD was born. People will usually stop by to visit you and the baby and give a cute little outfit, pack of diapers, etc. And I usually do the same for others when they have their second, third, etc. This is perfectly acceptable IMO. But to throw a huge shower and register for strollers and car seats at Babies R Us for your second child? Uh, no. That screams tacky.
Celebrating a new baby is fine, but her friends should keep it amongst themselves if they want to throw her a second shower.
Well, yes. Honestly, showers in the workplace (or, Gods help us all, at the school lunch table) are really not appropriate because of the "captive audience" factor.
I agree, but they specifically asked for gift cards in the $20-$25 range and department/grocery stores. Yes, baby items can be purchased there, but that is just as tacky as asking for monetary gifts.
Well, you could say why have the first if you're struggling financially and need a baby shower?
The difference is that, with the first, one presumably doesn't already have the paraphernalia. A shower (wedding, baby, whatever) is traditionally held to celebrate a transition from one state to the next. It's not dependent on the idea of financial stress.
And honestly, yes-- why have any if you're struggling?
I am able to read. You have just said you feel the same way as others - that it is wrong and tacky. I say this means you are begrudging someone else because you don't agree with the celebration.
No, what it means, most likely, is that CT was brought up in a more traditional manner, rather than "everybody get what they can!"
Maybe this is where different regions/circles comes into play. What is considered expensive? At most showers I attend for first-time moms, most gifts seem to range in the $20 to $40 area, so not really breaking the bank.
That would depend on the bank, one supposes.
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And she did have that second shower, but only her friends were invited, her mom said he!! no to inviting family because we don't do second showers in our family.
