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I have been married 18 years to the girl that her father did not want me to see.
That must make the holidays a lot of fun. Decided to sell his car. Got cussed out yesterday by him on the phone when he noticed how his car was suddenly clean. He even got into my email account and found a person that was coming to see it Monday and he told them the car was sold! I can't even be in the same room with him anymore. My heart is broken by the way he speaks to me and the bad decisions he keeps making.
I have been married 18 years to the girl that her father did not want me to see.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bbekity
That must make the holidays a lot of fun.
I think you're overly focusing on his respecting her father's wishes. He's an adult. He can see whomever he wants to see.
The fact that she's a minor is irrelevant in most states because most state laws allow for an age span that takes boyfriend/girlfriend relationships into consideration.
You need to choose your battles, not try to control every single aspect of his life. He's an adult.
It's fine to establish health boundaries for yourself, not paying for him to have a car, but you can't dictate who he sees and what he does.
He took my car out last night...didn't even ask...just said I'm going out minutes before he left. After he came home I checked my car and it smelled of smoke. It's like he just doesn't think or care about my wished. He know no one is allowed to smoke in my car...it was weed before but this was cigarettes. Opened all the windows to air out my car...can't wait till he gets up.
Where is your son's father?
Someone needs to take a firm hand with this kid fast.
That must make the holidays a lot of fun. Decided to sell his car. Got cussed out yesterday by him on the phone when he noticed how his car was suddenly clean. He even got into my email account and found a person that was coming to see it Monday and he told them the car was sold! I can't even be in the same room with him anymore. My heart is broken by the way he speaks to me and the bad decisions he keeps making.
Hm, I agree with dropping the gf issue, that is his problem and he will learn. At this age he feels you don't really know him, and you probably don't because they don't share that much anymore and teens go through this change for a reason. He is caught in kid/adult limbo. lol We are sort of suppose to hate them to let them go.
I would be careful to not feel like he makes you look foolish, it's not your responsibility it's his. Don't get mad at him because he didn't become who you want him to be yet, it's too soon for that. This is the time when mistakes are made, sometimes life long mistakes and your going to have to let go of that control or it will drive you crazy. It's hard to let them fall because you don't want them too. It's like getting surgery, you know it's the best thing but who wants to get cut. lol
Try less anger and more manipulating. That way he won't feel the need to compete his way into oblivion. Sounds like he is trying to be an adult without the skills. Tell him he is family and you need his help with the car because you can't afford to keep it without some money from it. Ask him if he needs help finding a job, or with his interview skills. That might work out better in the long run. You have to think of the future.
He might be lacking skills to get or hold a job, if that is the case you can yell all you want but it won't work he will just be a jerk. Buy a little safe, lock up your wallet, keys and whatever else you can think of. Tell him it's for general safety as a friend mentioned it and don't tell him you're afraid of him. If you leave anywhere for vaca or something have a neighbor watch your pets. Tell him you are having a neighbor come in once a day so not to worry about it. Use distance instead of anger. It's worth a try at this point. He will be a different person in a few years, this hard time will come to an end. Trust me. For your own sake you need to move back from him and have you time.
Thanks BB. Makes sense. He will be starting a new job this week...one that I got him by filling out the online app! Holding it is his job. Sounds good to have someone come in and take care of the animals...maybe even stay at our house the whole time too. Would rather he stay at a friends without a key to get in and have a responsible person house sit. Wish it wasn't so hard all the time. Last night I found a cut off part of a Bic pen....the plastic part in my car. Looks like a hard straw....just want some piece of mind and no more surprises.
Last night I found a cut off part of a Bic pen....the plastic part in my car. Looks like a hard straw....just want some piece of mind and no more surprises.
Hopefully it's piece of mind to know the outer part of pens are typically used by teenagers to make a bong with a soft drink bottle for marijuana, not harder drugs.
In other words, it isn't a sign of anything new happening that you didn't already know about.
bbekity....at 18 ,kids are a definate challenge...sometimes too young to make responsible desicians,..and yet they want to be treated like they are.....I wouldn't fight him too much about the car...just quit paying his insurance etc....that's HIS responsibility, not yours, unless he wants to walk, or take a bus......as for seeing the young woman...there's really nothing you or the girls father can do to stop it...if he can't be upfront about his actions to you, without you becoming angry and opinionated....guaranteed he's just going to do it behind your back...and she will too....
bbekity....at 18 ,kids are a definate challenge...sometimes too young to make responsible desicians,..and yet they want to be treated like they are.....I wouldn't fight him too much about the car...just quit paying his insurance etc....that's HIS responsibility, not yours, unless he wants to walk, or take a bus......as for seeing the young woman...there's really nothing you or the girls father can do to stop it...if he can't be upfront about his actions to you, without you becoming angry and opinionated....guaranteed he's just going to do it behind your back...and she will too....
Thank you. I might as well sell the car because to insure an 18 year old boy requires about a $1200 down payment with insurance being at least $2500 a year. Bagging groceries just wouldn't cut it. No bus service where we live either. Cars are a necessity to get into town. I agree about the girl...I just won't allow her to come here when we are home out of respect for her father. Now that he has started Jr. College, I think he will soon forget the 12th grader.
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