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My oldest was totally resistant to toilet training. The harder I tried, the more she refused. She was almost four and she was so big I thought I'd have to start buying Depends. I tried threats, bribes, telling her to be a big girl, taking her to the bathroom with me, toilets that played music, leaving her bare from the waist down, etc. Nothing worked. Then I had to go into the hospital to have my younger baby, and my sister who doesn't change diapers came to watch DD #1. Her first stop was Target, where she let her pick out several packages of panties with cartoon characters that she loved on them. She put those on DD #1, and every time that she peed her pants, my sister threw them out and said, "Bye-bye, cartoon character. My niece is not ready to be a big girl yet and that's why she peed on you." I was in the hospital three days and by the time I came home, my daughter was using the toilet. They had gone through 20 pairs of underpants, and my sister put them in the dumpster each time so that DD knew they were gone. We still had minor issues after that with her not wanting to potty anywhere but home, but we worked those out.
My younger daughter decided on her 2nd birthday that she was done wearing diapers. She told me she wasn't going to wear them anymore, I bought her underpants that day, and she never had a toilet accident or trouble using the restroom when we weren't home. She wouldn't use one of those toddler seats either, and a couple of times she actually fell in the toilet, but that was her only issue.
If you're wondering, DD #1 has grown up to be a smart kid and an honor student, so problems with toilet training don't mean that the kid is of below-average intelligence. It's usually just stubbornness.
If you're wondering, DD #1 has grown up to be a smart kid and an honor student, so problems with toilet training don't mean that the kid is of below-average intelligence. It's usually just stubbornness.
Yes, and it comes down to the fact that in order to be toilet-trained, all kids have to toilet train themselves, they have to learn to hold it in, and release it out at the right time. The parent can't control the muscles involved, only the kid can.
I forgot to also mention that when we were potty training we made diaper changing the most boring thing in the world. We didn't look at her. We didn't talk to her. We didn't smile. It was just so boring that she realized she wasn't egtting any attention during diaper changes, but she got a lot of attention when she was in the bathroom.
My DS potty trained himself at 6 years old. He is developmentally delayed, but part of the problem was an undiagnosed yeast infection that made it painful for him to pee and poop. We had him a Nystatin, and within three days of being on the medication, he was going potty on the toilet. It could likely be something medical.
I've met some parents whose kids are resistant to potty training who simply can't be bothered with "pestering" their child every 15 min with a trip to the bathroom, too. When you're first starting them out, it has to be the parent who initiates the idea of the toilet. Also, remember this....what happens when you take a road trip? "We're leaving now. Everybody use the bathroom before we go." Some people don't have to go until they get into the car...didn't have to go when the idea was brought forth, but get in that car and they're thinking, "I should have MADE myself try to go!"
With one of my younger sons, I would say, "Is it time to go to the bathroom?" "No"...Five minutes later I'd take them to the bathroom and they'd go. It HAS to be a parent's priority though, even an obsession! The stress and energy of having a 5 year old wearing diapers would be far worse for me, than the stress & energy it takes to stick with the potty training. If you let your 5 year old win this battle, you can bet you're not going to be anywhere near prepared for what's to come!
I'm also with the moms on here who said, "Big boys/girls get to do certain things. Babies who wear diapers do not." Some of these kids need to know that one thing after another will become "big girl/boy" activities, if they can't start focusing on using the big person potty.
I think the issue lies not with your DD and it is an issue with your parenting. I would suggest talking to a counselor that specializes in parenting skills to teach you how to parent effectively.
Unless your child has some sort of developmental delay she should have been out of diapers years ago. At this age it will be much harder to train her than it would have if you did it 3 years ago. If you lack the energy and patience she will never get trained. I shudder to think of her future as well. If you lack the energy and patience to help your child attain a basic developmental milestone you are going to make life very difficult for her.
The child is 4. 3 years ago she would have been 1 year old. That is not the usual potty training age. The average age would be around 3. So the child is closer to being 1, maybe 1.5 years behind, not 3 years. Let's not lay more guilt on the parents than is necessary.
Our almost five year old literally refuses to stop using diapers; since we lack the energy or patience (all attempts turn into screaming matches within thre minutes) to fight this, do they ever just grow out of it?
The cost of buying diapers is not a burden on us. However, its embarrassing and she can't go to day camp and stuff like that since toilet training is a requirement.
Is she afraid of something? I mean, what is the screaming about? It does take patience and energy. You just have to do it. At her 5 year well visit, I suggest you ask the doctor about it. There might be something wrong that you don't know about.
I also suggest offering a prize every time she goes int he potty. We used dollar store toys for one child and M&M's for the other one. If there is something she wants to do like go on the big rides at the amusement park, tell her only big kids who go in the potty are allowed.
I was thinking the same thing. I took the OPs post to mean that the stress of it taking so long to potty train has turned it into a screaming match.
I think we have all had some issue with our kids that has made us yell from frustration. At least I know I have and I am comfortable enough in my parenting to be able to admit that. Our issue that turned into yelling was getting her to dress herself. Am I proud of yelling at her for that? No, but I am willing to admit that my frustration over that issue bubbled up to the point that I started yelling. I had to really stop myself when it came to that issue. When it was time to get dressed, I had to force myslef to stay calm and almost reboot my reaction to it.
With one of my brothers, my mom tried but to no avail to have him potty trained before a summer where they would be spending a lot of time at a cabin with just an outhouse. So she resigned herself to packing up a lot of diapers when he showed no interest in using the toilet.
Well he was so fascinated with the outhouse he quickly became potty trained and loved using it. Her next fear was that she was going to have to have an outhouse built for him when they went back to town but by then he was used to being out of diapers and just accepted the toilet.
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