Do kids ever just toilet train themselves? (play, child, five year old)
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All kids are different, but this sounds like a power issue at this point, I think you need help. She can go to day care not being toilet trained, and all the kids go on schedule. I don't know how you got to this point, but at her age there are issues here.
My DD still had accidents at age 6, until I made her change her own sheets, and wash her own clothes. She realized it was a lot of work, and stopped her accidents.
Good luck, sounds like a challenge, you need to work with a teacher at her school on this.
My little brother insisted on drinking out of a bottle way past the stage of walking. Because he was really sick and frail as a baby, my parents allowed it. I guess they thought any way to get calories on him was ok. He was very thin his entire childhood.
He didn't care that we made fun of him, other relatives made fun of him, etc. He was determined to hang on to those bottles.
I think he was 4 or 5 one time when we were at the airport. The customs agent saw the bottles and asked, "Where's the baby?" My mother said my brother was the one using them. The agent said, "You're too old for bottles," confiscated them, and my brother finally was embarrassed. There were never any bottles again. Partly because of the shame, but I think MOSTLY because the bottles weren't around anymore. My mother could shrug her shoulders, put her hands up, and say, "What do you want me to do? You saw her take them away."
I wonder now if my parents and the agent were in cahoots...
We avoided head butting with one of our sons by allowing him to pick a potty training deadline for himself. I gave him a calendar, he picked the day and we put a big red check on that date. We explained to him that on that day there would be no more diapers.
As the deadline approached, I would remind him to practice using the potty. As the deadline got closer, he started to practice more and more. A week or so before the deadline, we went out and picked up some big boy underwear.
When "no more diaper day" arrived - we celebrated by pitching the changing table and the remaining diapers into the trash!
Number two of three did, honest to god one day said to me (about 28 months) NO MORE DI-DI and he threw it across the room...LOL! But I did use cloth and they were not comfortable when soiled.
At 5, there is something going on. Probably a power struggle. Power struggle stops NOW. If it were me, I would tell her that there will be no more diapers. If she decides to go in her clothes, she will simply have to clean herself up. Throw the diapers away. She WILL go in her pants just to prove she is going to win this power struggle. Bring her to the bathroom with a change of clothes. Hand them to her and tell her that when she is cleaned up, she can come out and play. No further comments.
We avoided head butting with one of our sons by allowing him to pick a potty training deadline for himself. I gave him a calendar, he picked the day and we put a big red check on that date. We explained to him that on that day there would be no more diapers.
As the deadline approached, I would remind him to practice using the potty. As the deadline got closer, he started to practice more and more. A week or so before the deadline, we went out and picked up some big boy underwear.
When "no more diaper day" arrived - we celebrated by pitching the changing table and the remaining diapers into the trash!
This is almost exactly what I did - except instead of the calendar, I had one pack of diapers, and told my son, "This is the last pack of diapers I'm buying. You will need to go on the potty when these are gone." He was 4 and a half. He transitioned into going on the potty before the diapers were all gone; I think he wanted the control of choosing when he stopped using diapers.
I see now that he's always had difficulties with transitions - when he was younger, he hated going from shorts to long pants, or long pants to shorts when the weather changed, etc. It wasn't that he wanted to be in control so much as it was a big change, and he's resistant to change. He's 19 now and still really, really likes a regular routine, and doesn't like big changes. It's just part of who he is, as a person. He's grown much more flexible and able to cope as he's gotten older, but it's still him.
With my youngest, I just put him in underwear when he was around 3, and he started going on the potty after just a few accidents. Very different personality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by somebodynew
If she decides to go in her clothes, she will simply have to clean herself up. Throw the diapers away. She WILL go in her pants just to prove she is going to win this power struggle. Bring her to the bathroom with a change of clothes. Hand them to her and tell her that when she is cleaned up, she can come out and play. No further comments.
I helped my sons clean up when they either had accidents or chose to go in their pants. You don't have to make something more unpleasant for them to not want to do it any more. They helped me rinse out their underwear and start the washer, but we did it together. Having to stop what they were doing and wash undies and get in the bath for a rinse and change their clothes was enough of a deterrent, I didn't have to create distance between us for it to be effective.
I helped my sons clean up when they either had accidents or chose to go in their pants. You don't have to make something more unpleasant for them to not want to do it any more. They helped me rinse out their underwear and start the washer, but we did it together. Having to stop what they were doing and wash undies and get in the bath for a rinse and change their clothes was enough of a deterrent, I didn't have to create distance between us for it to be effective.
From the sounds of things, your kids were much younger when you/they potty trained. Nor were they in a power struggle with you. I think with a five year old, it is appropriate to have her clean herself up. I'm sure she is capable.
This is almost exactly what I did - except instead of the calendar, I had one pack of diapers, and told my son, "This is the last pack of diapers I'm buying. You will need to go on the potty when these are gone." He was 4 and a half. He transitioned into going on the potty before the diapers were all gone; I think he wanted the control of choosing when he stopped using diapers.
I see now that he's always had difficulties with transitions - when he was younger, he hated going from shorts to long pants, or long pants to shorts when the weather changed, etc. It wasn't that he wanted to be in control so much as it was a big change, and he's resistant to change. He's 19 now and still really, really likes a regular routine, and doesn't like big changes. It's just part of who he is, as a person. He's grown much more flexible and able to cope as he's gotten older, but it's still him.
With my youngest, I just put him in underwear when he was around 3, and he started going on the potty after just a few accidents. Very different personality.
I think personality has a lot to do with the potty training approach you should take.
Rewards worked well for one of my sons - I took him to the dollar store to buy "anything you want!" every time he pooped on the potty. He was willing to make the effort but he wanted something in return for doing so.
The calendar approach worked well for my son who needs to feel in control of things.
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