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When I had a roommate, if she was home, i would say something like going out, wont be back until tomorrow. Dont wait up. But there was no extensive conversation about my coming and going. I think its just courtesy so that she knew to lock the door and if i didnt come home that day or the next to try and figure out what happened. Now that im married, when my husband is at work and im running errands i send him a txt saying going to x place. Just to let him know, even though he is at work. But I also think that in a cell phone driven world we live in it isnt always necessary to leave a note or even always leave a trail. Someone can text you or call at any point to find out where someone is.
I couldn't find the post I wanted to reply to, but I'll just say, my grandfather also grew up in the thirties and was practically pushed out of his house. My grandmother on the other hand (from Norway) was expected to drop out of school and help support her mother and younger sisters until and only if she got married. In fact that was part of her escape plan.
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Originally Posted by txtqueen
Thats one reason why i dont plan keeping my future roommates informed.
with the paranoia crap aside, this is not law and order, chances are if you turn up missing, youre already dead and your roommate saying oh well she was only supposed to be gone for a few days isnt going to make your bodg turn up in alive and pristine condition.
I think Elizabeth Smart, Jaycee Dugard, Elisabeth Fritzl, just to name a few, might disagree. Even the Stillman twins, whose homeless mother left them with a psychopath in their early childhood, might have had a different life if they'd have had close family that had said "hey, something's not right". Granted, people like this may be the exception rather than the rule, but it can happen. That's what people realize.
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Originally Posted by Oildog
I call them irresponsible and losers.
Nice.
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Originally Posted by supernaut112
I agree, and I think that we have to be a little more sympathetic to this generation. Times have changed. The economy is terrible. To expect that every single Gen Yer is going to graduate from high school/college and go out and get a living wage is absurd, when the number of people far outnumbers the spots available. Until the economy improves, perhaps we should all be more tolerant of these young people — especially if they're making an honest effort.
It's funny how nobody with their cushy 15-20-30-year jobs realizes reality until they're out there pounding the pavement themselves. Then they suddenly open their eyes.
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Originally Posted by syracusa
If you ask me, I think it's time for all of us to become less "independent" in families - and in fact more dependent on one other.
This doesn't mean not expecting adult children to contribute to the well-functioning of the family if they live with mom and dad. Even when they don't have a job because of constraints imposed by a terrible economy, they can still contribute significantly while living with mom and dad; and when they finally DO get a job, it doesn't necessarily mean they must move out.
Living in extended families is easier, more economical, more financially responsible, more environmentally responsible and often less lonely.
People will consume less overall: less space, less energy - and they will have more social support which, over and over again, has been shown the be the most significant predictor of happiness hands down.
Yes, such family members will also have to learn how to live with each other under the same roof, how to derive meaning from their interactions, how to have fulfilling conversations, how to share values and and how to develop common interests.
Also how to keep rooms tidied up, personal possessions out of the way, etc - so that living under one roof will not become physically annoying for everyone.
It's doable - even Americans can learn to live like this.
There is silver lining in a bad economy. It's called need for human solidarity.
While that's certainly an idea to consider, not all families are close in a healthy way and could live like that. Some people rightfully adore their independence and thank their lucky stars they live in a culture that is okay with being alone.
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Originally Posted by JustJulia
It sounds fine, but I don't think it's as easy or common as some might think for multiple generations to get along in sweet harmony. It's like the idea of utopia: not always so feasible in real life, especially as the group grows. The likelihood of various human foibles increases.
I, for one, know that I could not live with my mother. She knows it too and has said as much to me, and we laugh about it. That doesn't mean we don't love one another. We're just not the ideal family.
It seems almost like human nature for everybody to not get along. Although I argue that most people generally put themselves ahead of everybody else naturally, some people are extreme about it. Some people are difficult to live with, hardheaded, want everything their way, or want their own life easier at the expense of everybody else. There are others that are either people-pleasers, are afraid to speak up when they're not happy, or may not even realize someone else is causing them distress. There are also plain old personality clashes to consider. That's why utopia can never work. The idea of it sounds nice, but in reality, no...
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Originally Posted by tamajane
Most families are dysfunctional. This utopian idea of multigenerational families living happily ever after usually means some members are happy while others get to be the family scapegoat or some other unfortunate role that gets assigned to them.
I see the carnage that results years afterwards when the parents get sick and caregiving has to be done and they die and the estate comes into play, all the dynamics come to the surface and it's a mess. Add inlaws and a couple of messed up grandkids and it isn't so perfect.
My friend's mother went to live with friend and her husband because she was irresponsible, she "borrowed" money from them, the economy tanked, friend and husband were laid off, had no cushion because mother spent it, they lost the house they had for 20 years and now mom lives with a friend and the couple are essentially homeless. So much for helping out dear old mom.
My grandfather once said "nobody will abuse your finances more than family". It's a good idea to let everybody think you're broke.
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Originally Posted by beachmel
While it is true that all families have dysfunctional members in it, I find it laughable when I hear people say, "MOST families are dysfunctional". What in the heck is a "functional" family? Who judges that? Who sets that standard? I can't think of ANY family which is comprised of nothing but "perfect" people. The question is....how tolerant you are of each other. Just how perfect does a family member have to be in order to be tolerable?
Hey, I'm the first to admit that there are family members whom I would NEVER live with. Heck there are some I won't allow across my threshold. Like Julia, I don't think my mother and I could live in the same household. Probably one of the biggest reasons though, is that she constantly blames everyone else whenever one of her grown children screws up. I can't stand that and we'd end up fighting over it.....she accusing me of always finding fault with my siblings, me accusing her of constantly making excuses and enabling them to be bums and losers.
I don't enable my own children...so obviously, enabling my siblings is not an option. Everyone has something they can contribute....IF they're wiling. I do find it odd that so many "modern day Americans", feel that there's something wrong with sharing dwellings with multiple generations, especially considering how common it was 100 years ago.
Dysfunctional relationships per se may be hard to define, which is why it makes it so hard for members to reconcile their experiences in one and how it shapes them. People from dysfunctional families, simply put, never learn healthy ways of relating to others because they never learned about their own reality, boundaries, feelings, and give-and-take; their existence most often was about somebody else and not themselves. It doesn't take a rocket-scientist to see how this can cause major long-term problems in many areas of one's life.
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Originally Posted by Momma_bear
In Fort Lauderdale McDonalds is currently paying around the same wage, except that rent is more like 1000 per month and there are no 1000 cars to be had. Gas is almost $4 a gallon.
I lived in Fort Lauderdale for six months and couldn't even get a job. Too bad because I really liked it there too.
It's funny how nobody with their cushy 15-20-30-year jobs realizes reality until they're out there pounding the pavement themselves. Then they suddenly open their eyes.
I have more sympathy for this bunch of kids because the very year I graduated from university, the economy in my area collapsed. I worked temp jobs for two years until I finally got a full-time, permanent position. I also had two roommates crammed into a tiny 2-bedroom apartment. It wasn't the best of times.
I got a lot of flack from my older family members, who could not understand why I, who graduated at the top of my class, couldn't waltz in and get whatever job I pleased. I couldn't. There simply were no jobs. Seriously, I felt like Lelaina in "Reality Bites."
Anyone who's been through hard times and remembers what that's like will automatically have sympathy for this generation.
I think it's going to change society as this becomes more and more the norm.
There have always been the "failure to launch" situations where an adult child is unable to make it on his/her own and there have always been some boomerang kids who leave only to return because they were unable to leave the nest and make it. And - often everyone involved is perfectly happy so it's no one else's concern.
However as many people decide to never make it on their own, they can accept minimum wage and part time jobs and continue living as 17 year olds their entire lives. If jobs are easy to fill at lower wages, there will be no incentive for businesses to up wages. I also think it will lead to less ambition.
It's also cultural. A friend of mine is from a culture you don't push them out of the nest and let them fly. He's in his late 3o's and lives at home, but then so does his divorced sister and kids. For them, its the *norm*. He was very lucky that while he was working he didn't have to spend a huge amoung of money on rent on his own, since when his contract ended, and the work dried up it took over a year to find a new job. He takes care of his own personal expenses and adds to the family costs. For his family it would be wrong to have their kids out and strugling on their own when there was a room and a bed.
When you look at the cencus a hundred plus years ago, its very common to find grandparents, a couple of unmarried younger kids and married ones with their own kids living together. They didn't get free room and board, but worked with the family and contributed.
What's wrong is having a couch for the kids who are failing and abusing things and always be there when they fall so they never have to face the concequences. Or supporting kids who move back who don't even try. But if an adult can deal with other adults who happen to be parents, and they can be a functional family, what's so terrible about sharing a space past an arbitrary measure of years?
I think families who keep open the connections will increase and that its not necessarily a bad thing.
It can also be a terror as well, as i learned my first year in college.
I currently live alone, and like it, but when family was an option would MUCH have prefered that over the 'rented room'. I have also done that and am so grateful that although my house is 'tiny', its just got me and the furries. If my son needs a place to stay, he's welcome, of course.
But if you pick the roomates and you get along and you agreed its one thing. If someone is renting out rooms, then you play the lottery. Most nightmarish times have been renting out rooms and spending 90 percent of my time in my room so I didn't have to see them, but still had to hear.
Someone you have some kind of familiarity with and a social bond will make a huge difference, but still doesn't guarentee anything. But at least you have some sort of relationship to begin with.
I believe I'm a member of the alleged "Generation Y"...I've been on my own since 19-20 and would be miserable having to rely on my parent.
More often than not, things that older generations criticize the younger generations for are the result of poor leadership and/or parenting. "Today's young people are spoiled." Well, someone had to spoil them, didn't they?
I do find it odd that so many "modern day Americans", feel that there's something wrong with sharing dwellings with multiple generations, especially considering how common it was 100 years ago.
I could not agree more with your entire post but especially with this part.
"Why do modern day Americans feels there's something wrong with multiple generation households?"
Answer: Because for a while, they could afford to think this way.
Think about it for a moment: if the banking system did not exist and banks simply did not give out mortgages; also, if rentals were not as widely available...what would people do? Live in the rain in the name of "independence" and "personal freedom"?
No - they would learn to perceive mom's naggings or dad's opinions or what have you, in a much lighter way.
Why does X do this? The answer is always: because X can!
Of course they are happy. Fewer than half pay rent regularly and they are not financially independent. This recession is making a new class of young adults who think nothing of living with Mom and Dad. We talk about "kick em out at 18" but it just isn't possible now. I worry about how this will change what being an independent adult means.
That's the way it is throughout much of the world, and the way it's been for much of our history. Moving out before marriage was only common after WWII.
Plus, what are parents going to do when their McMansion is vacated? It's awfully inefficient to have 4,000 square feet split between two adults.
If anything, it's a sign of declining prosperity. Jobs are harder to come by and often don't pay as much as they used to. Rent and grocery bills are much more expensive. And the most interesting thing is Generation Y grew up with the highest standard of living of all generations back when the economy was booming and credit was easy.
Nevertheless, most of my peers (I'm 25) moved out when they were 18 or 19, 20 at the oldest. I'm one of the maybe 10% who stayed at home. My parents didn't want me to leave...in fact they encouraged me to stay. I do regret not going elsewhere for college, though.
But that was back in 2005. Completely different scenario today.
While that's certainly an idea to consider, not all families are close in a healthy way and could live like that. Some people rightfully adore their independence and thank their lucky stars they live in a culture that is okay with being alone.
Absolutely - very nice.
Except that very few people ever consider the historical and ecological serendipities that allowed this culture to develop in such ways to give people green light about feeling perfectly OK with living alone, as in "my way or the highway"; all this while consuming a ton of space, energy and junk in the process.
This "little" luxury is about to go out the window - a little bit every day.
You already see the changes in parents' desperate outcries as to why their little Johnny can be sent away on his own at 18, just like they were.
Take a wild guess.
Cultures are not stagnant because physical environments are not stagnant.
Just like the culture I am coming from has changed dramatically in only one generation (for the worse, if you ask me), this is how America is facing changes too.
Ecologically-dictated independence is not America's inalienable right for all eternity. Once upon a time it made sense. It will not continue to make sense forever.
Times, places and population density are changing everywhere; and by the way, we have just hit 7 billions recently.
Let me know how this "independence" thing is working for America in 50 years or so from now.
In the meantime, I suggest we try our hand at getting along with mama-in-law (or replace family member of choice).
The "independence" stock is about to go through the roof.
Except that very few people ever consider the historical and ecological serendipities that allowed this culture to develop in such ways to give people green light about feeling perfectly OK with living alone, as in "my way or the highway"; all this while consuming a ton of space, energy and junk in the process.
This "little" luxury is about to go out the window - a little bit every day.
You already see the changes in parents' desperate outcries as to why their little Johnny can be sent away on his own at 18, just like they were.
Take a wild guess.
Cultures are not stagnant because physical environments are not stagnant.
Just like the culture I am coming from has changed dramatically in only one generation (for the worse, if you ask me), this is how America is facing changes too.
Ecologically-dictated independence is not America's inalienable right for all eternity. Once upon a time it made sense. It will not continue to make sense forever.
Times, places and population density are changing everywhere; and by the way, we have just hit 7 billions recently.
Let me know how this "independence" thing is working for America in 50 years or so from now.
In the meantime, I suggest we try our hand at getting along with mama-in-law (or replace family member of choice).
The "independence" stock is about to go through the roof.
Regardless of all this, the rate of singles living alone is continuously increasing. They are a rapidly growing market. The terrible economy is forcing some young people to stay home for a while but when they become financially stable most will go off on their own. Some will refuse to fly from the nest since parents are not forcing them, but most will go off to live their own lives eventually when they can afford it.
Don't count the US out yet, we've made it through worse. We are not destined to become a third world country and should be encouraging independence in young people.
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I do find it odd that so many "modern day Americans", feel that there's something wrong with sharing dwellings with multiple generations, especially considering how common it was 100 years ago. 
