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The explanation of why would take this thread way off track.
I think all the worry and, sorry, paranoia is a reflection of the 24/7 sensational news society that so many have grown up with. Too much Chris Hansen and Nancy Grace will do that but there is money in scaring people. No reason for adult kids not to leave the nest when they can afford it, there is no education like being on your own and personally responsible for yourself. That is not selfish, it is selfless of parents to let kids learn to stand on their own.
I think all the worry and, sorry, paranoia is a reflection of the 24/7 sensational news society that so many have grown up with. Too much Chris Hansen and Nancy Grace will do that but there is money in scaring people. No reason for adult kids not to leave the nest when they can afford it, there is no education like being on your own and personally responsible for yourself. That is not selfish, it is selfless of parents to let kids learn to stand on their own.
Hmmm..I grew up long before Nancy Grace and Chris Hansen. I was always taught that "personally responsible for yourself" included letting someone know where you were and when to expect you. That and to wear clean underwear in the even you were in an accident.
It's just one of those niceties that comes along with being an adult. The recognition that others you interact with deserve consideration. Growing up is not an excuse to be thoughtless.
Last edited by maciesmom; 03-21-2012 at 11:24 AM..
Reason: stray apostrophe
Hmmm..I grew up long before Nancy Grace and Chris Hansen. I was always taught that "personally responsible for yourself" included letting someone know where you were and when to expect you. That and to wear clean underwear in the even you were in an accident.
It's just one of those niceties that comes along with being an adult. The recognition that other's you interact with deserve consideration. Growing up is not an excuse to be thoughtless.
Beautifully said, MM! That's the absolute truth. I too, grew up long before media was such a huge thing and the people who stayed safe, were the people who were AWARE.
Of course they are happy. Fewer than half pay rent regularly and they are not financially independent. This recession is making a new class of young adults who think nothing of living with Mom and Dad. We talk about "kick em out at 18" but it just isn't possible now. I worry about how this will change what being an independent adult means.
If you ask me, I think it's time for all of us to become less "independent" in families - and in fact more dependent on one other.
This doesn't mean not expecting adult children to contribute to the well-functioning of the family if they live with mom and dad. Even when they don't have a job because of constraints imposed by a terrible economy, they can still contribute significantly while living with mom and dad; and when they finally DO get a job, it doesn't necessarily mean they must move out.
Living in extended families is easier, more economical, more financially responsible, more environmentally responsible and often less lonely.
People will consume less overall: less space, less energy - and they will have more social support which, over and over again, has been shown the be the most significant predictor of happiness hands down.
Yes, such family members will also have to learn how to live with each other under the same roof, how to derive meaning from their interactions, how to have fulfilling conversations, how to share values and and how to develop common interests.
Also how to keep rooms tidied up, personal possessions out of the way, etc - so that living under one roof will not become physically annoying for everyone.
It's doable - even Americans can learn to live like this.
There is silver lining in a bad economy. It's called need for human solidarity.
Americans are notorious all over the world for defining independence as "living on their own" or "driving on their own", typically in comparatively large spaces per capita; even if this kind of "independence" involves hefty loans - which automatically makes you dependent, not independent. Only on the bank instead of your family.
Being a heavy consumer on large loans does not equal independence.
Several generations living under one roof, helping each other, with each individual contributing in his/her own way to the well-functioning of the family means much more independence than a young person on his own in debt up to his eye balls.
This too. You are much more independent if you live with mom and dad and contribute to the family - financially or in kind.
Independence doesn't simply mean "living on your own".
ABSOLUTELY!! It doesn't simply mean "having a place of your own, away from your family". It means taking responsibility for the upkeep, maintenance, finances, relationships, household chores, etc. It means that you're not continuing to live like a child, having your parents foot all of the bills, the upkeep, phone, insurance, the food & food prep, do your laundry....and flat out "take care of you like an underaged child".
What is wrong with multigenerational households, if everyone is pitching in and operating like a team? I too, think it can be a really smart way to live. We have 3 generations in our house and and MOST of us function beautifully as a team.
ABSOLUTELY!!
What is wrong with multigenerational households, if everyone is pitching in and operating like a team? I too, think it can be a really smart way to live. We have 3 generations in our house and and MOST of us function beautifully as a team.
Absolutely nothing wrong with it, on the contrary - a very, very smart way to live, as you said. But the very idea of living with one's parents - even if you are a perfectly contributing member of the extended family - has acquired a bad rep in the American culture over the decades, if not centuries.
Assuming all adults in the extended family contribute financially or in kind in a way that everyone agrees to be fair - why should getting along with your family be impossible? Why shouldn't even be desirable? What about the great company (people with similar values to yours) and social support you would get throughout life?
I, for one, would love to have a large enough house where I could live with my nuclear family as well as my sister and my parents. It would be a super life as we all get along wonderfully; but we can't - given we're oceans apart and there are legal/immigration issues involved.
What is wrong with multigenerational households, if everyone is pitching in and operating like a team? I too, think it can be a really smart way to live. We have 3 generations in our house and and MOST of us function beautifully as a team.
It sounds fine, but I don't think it's as easy or common as some might think for multiple generations to get along in sweet harmony. It's like the idea of utopia: not always so feasible in real life, especially as the group grows. The likelihood of various human foibles increases.
I, for one, know that I could not live with my mother. She knows it too and has said as much to me, and we laugh about it. That doesn't mean we don't love one another. We're just not the ideal family.
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ABSOLUTELY!! It doesn't simply mean "having a place of your own, away from your family". It means taking responsibility for the upkeep, maintenance, finances, relationships, household chores, etc. It means that you're not continuing to live like a child, having your parents foot all of the bills, the upkeep, phone, insurance, the food & food prep, do your laundry....and flat out "take care of you like an underaged child". 
