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It was, I remember that I received a notice that I qualified for Sec 8 housing so pretty close to minimum wage for New York. I made 20K a year and shared a railroad one bedroom apartment with two other people, we each paid $300 a month and it was in a very sketchy neighborhood which is now an ok neighborhood (near the Atlantic Center if you know Brooklyn at all). We were rent stabilized which is a bonus in NYC, although our electricity never worked correctly and no one would ever come and fix anything. I knew people who shared two bedroom apartments with 5 roommates. It is doable even today to live without Mom and Dad. It may not be comfortable but there are young people all across the country doing it.
While I do believe that a child should have to make their own in the world without relying on mommy and daddy to foot the bill, i would never make my child share a bedroom with 2 other people in a 2 bedroom apartment just because i can. I would encourage them to be independent and would not make living at home easy and certainly not free. But if i have the room, i would not make thing unnecessarily difficult. When I turned 18, i was handed $2000 and put on the street. I was in foster care. And the things I went through and the things i did to pay my rent and put food on the table are things I would never require my child to do. I worked, and I worked hard. I also walked miles everyday going to and from work because i didnt have a car and there was no public transport. I think that children need to learn to do things on their own but i also think that as parents our job is to find the balance between teaching them a lesson and being extreme for the sake of that lesson. Yes I paid my dues, hell im still paying them. And im doing it to make life better for myself and for my children and if my children cant benefit from that, then what did i work so hard for? So I could sit in my empty 4 bedroom house and look at all my things and take trips and the like, while my child lives in a crappy 2 bedroom apartment with 5 other people?
While I do believe that a child should have to make their own in the world without relying on mommy and daddy to foot the bill, i would never make my child share a bedroom with 2 other people in a 2 bedroom apartment just because i can. I would encourage them to be independent and would not make living at home easy and certainly not free. But if i have the room, i would not make thing unnecessarily difficult. When I turned 18, i was handed $2000 and put on the street. I was in foster care. And the things I went through and the things i did to pay my rent and put food on the table are things I would never require my child to do. I worked, and I worked hard. I also walked miles everyday going to and from work because i didnt have a car and there was no public transport. I think that children need to learn to do things on their own but i also think that as parents our job is to find the balance between teaching them a lesson and being extreme for the sake of that lesson. Yes I paid my dues, hell im still paying them. And im doing it to make life better for myself and for my children and if my children cant benefit from that, then what did i work so hard for? So I could sit in my empty 4 bedroom house and look at all my things and take trips and the like, while my child lives in a crappy 2 bedroom apartment with 5 other people?
I think it is a question of balance and highly dependent on the situation. If my kids were going through a really tough time but truly trying, I would happily welcome them at home. Please try to contribue---pick up your dirty dishes, do your laundry, take a full trash can out to the trash, etc. Common sense type of things and I'm not asking for big things. Be a decent human being. Also, keep looking for a job and do your best. I understand the econmy really is bad right now. Keep trying.
However, if you don't make the effort and want mom and dad to keep bailing you out, support your clubbing habit, I have no sympathy. Mom and dad aren't charity. If a kid is making a genuine effort, that is great. If not, that is a different situation and very frustrating, mostly to the parent who already paid their dues.
I am empathetic to your foster care situation. Although I wasn't in foster care, I was shuttled off to a boarding school (charity church case) from 7-12th grade and then encouraged to join the military which really changed my life. We were poor, poor, poor. Now very comfortable but really want my kids to make their own way in the world. It will do them a great deal of good, especially when mom and dad are gone and they only have themselves to rely on.
Of course they are happy. Fewer than half pay rent regularly and they are not financially independent. This recession is making a new class of young adults who think nothing of living with Mom and Dad. We talk about "kick em out at 18" but it just isn't possible now. I worry about how this will change what being an independent adult means.
I am a Gen Yer and I plan on moving back home with my mom. My projected 50k starting salary as a nurse would help pay off the house in a year and I would help put my two younger brothers through school.
And you know what? I love being with family. I see nothing wrong with a non-nuclear household. And I plan to stay there even after I start having children (mom wants to be near her grandbabies).
Not all twenty somethings who live with their parents are lazy leeches. My mom is a single woman and there is plenty of room for me. And it makes no sense for me to get my own place when I could stay at home and help my mother and two younger brothers out financially.
I moved out at 18 but my parents supported me through college and my dad continued to pay for my car insurance for several years after I got a "real" job. I went back to school for a few years and worked/borrowed to pay for that and supported myself. My dad insisted on paying my car insurance til I was about 28, I think. He was a sweet guy.
But in lots of cultures it's the norm for kids to live at home until they marry and if they don't marry they just stay at home. Also, it's not uncommon for people to live in multi-generational households.
I read one of those grow-your-own-food, live-off-the-grid self sufficiency books a few years back (can't remember the name or the author). One of the things she talked about was how crazy it is that you'll often see families with young children struggling financially and living in small starter homes while their parents are well off financially and living in homes that are too big for them and are increasingly harder for them to take care of. Plus they're lonely. She pointed out that, barring family squabbles and personality difficulities, if the young family moved in with the older generation, all of them would live more comfortably, both financially and physically.
People find themselves in all kinds of living arrangements. As long as everyone is happy, it's not anyone else's business.
Exactly. My mom is fifty and has a four bedroom home. Her youngest is fourteen (March 17) and my other younger brother plans on leaving a never coming back. She would be more than happy for me to live back home and help pay bills and take care of the home.
I am a Gen Yer and I plan on moving back home with my mom. My projected 50k starting salary as a nurse would help pay off the house in a year and I would help put my two younger brothers through school.
And you know what? I love being with family. I see nothing wrong with a non-nuclear household. And I plan to stay there even after I start having children (mom wants to be near her grandbabies).
Not all twenty somethings who live with their parents are lazy leeches. My mom is a single woman and there is plenty of room for me. And it makes no sense for me to get my own place when I could stay at home and help my mother and two younger brothers out financially.
You have a great attitude and your mom is lucky to have you around. If she is happy and you are happy, that is a great thing. You sound like a very responsible person and have a great relationship with your mom. You are coming in almost as an equal, contributing to the household greatly. That is a wonderful thing.
My point is that every family is very different. All very dependent on the situation.
While I do believe that a child should have to make their own in the world without relying on mommy and daddy to foot the bill, i would never make my child share a bedroom with 2 other people in a 2 bedroom apartment just because i can. I would encourage them to be independent and would not make living at home easy and certainly not free. But if i have the room, i would not make thing unnecessarily difficult. When I turned 18, i was handed $2000 and put on the street. I was in foster care. And the things I went through and the things i did to pay my rent and put food on the table are things I would never require my child to do. I worked, and I worked hard. I also walked miles everyday going to and from work because i didnt have a car and there was no public transport. I think that children need to learn to do things on their own but i also think that as parents our job is to find the balance between teaching them a lesson and being extreme for the sake of that lesson. Yes I paid my dues, hell im still paying them. And im doing it to make life better for myself and for my children and if my children cant benefit from that, then what did i work so hard for? So I could sit in my empty 4 bedroom house and look at all my things and take trips and the like, while my child lives in a crappy 2 bedroom apartment with 5 other people?
It was totally the norm for 4 women to share a two bedroom, one bath, apartment, --yes and with only one land line telephone. I did just that. I didn't own a car until I was married, and I used public transport. --But that too was the norm for young adults on their own in the 1960's.
Kids should not expect to live just like their parents.
Your child would learn a lot about life and other people living like that.
Of course you don't want your child to have to do the things you say you had to to survive--but living with roomates is a great life lesson, in sharing and getting along, and learning what kind of personality you get along with, and how to cope when you don't.
They're content with living at home?!?!?!?!
WHAT THE HELL?
I'm legitly thinking about putting my stuff in storage and sleeping at a super cheap hotel on the nights I can't st ay at TG's.
I honestly can't see how so many people are OK or happy with it.
Im 26 and live at home and don't have an issue with it . Of course my domicile is detached by about 300 ft from the main house which probably does help .
It was totally the norm for 4 women to share a two bedroom, one bath, apartment, --yes and with only one land line telephone. I did just that. I didn't own a car until I was married, and I used public transport. --But that too was the norm for young adults on their own in the 1960's.
Kids should not expect to live just like their parents.
Your child would learn a lot about life and other people living like that.
Of course you don't want your child to have to do the things you say you had to to survive--but living with roomates is a great life lesson, in sharing and getting along, and learning what kind of personality you get along with, and how to cope when you don't.
Sorry but it aint the sixties. And living with a room is just fine. But I firmly believe in 1 person per bedroom. You can argue it all you want, I feel like an adult should have personal space and many people in one room is just ridiculous. In the sixties you did what you had to do, now you dont have to do it. And why shouldnt a person expect to live at home, at least until they are married. I moved in with my inlaws before we got married and we lived there until we were married. My BIL and SIL lived with my inlaws until they bought a house, a few months after their marriage. My SIL and her new husband have been married 9 months and live at home while saving money for a house. My dad lived at home until he went in the navy, then after his 4 years, he moved back home until he got married. My mom lived at home until she was married, as did my aunts and uncles. My best friend is 25 and has a child and lives at home, until she finishes college. Roomates teach many lessons. But working in the world and going to school and just everyday interactions teach you who you get along with and how to cope if you dont. You shouldnt have to cope with people you hate or dont get along with in your own home.
ETA at one point, my inlaws have a 4 bedroom house with 1 bathroom. There was DH uncle, aunt and 3 children (they lost their home), my SIL and BIL, me and my DH (BF at time) and my MIL and FIL. There were 4 dogs a ferret and 2 birds. That taught me and DH a whole lot about getting along in confined spaces. Its not like we were rambling around some big mansion
It was totally the norm for 4 women to share a two bedroom, one bath, apartment, --yes and with only one land line telephone. I did just that. I didn't own a car until I was married, and I used public transport. --But that too was the norm for young adults on their own in the 1960's.
Kids should not expect to live just like their parents.
Your child would learn a lot about life and other people living like that.
Of course you don't want your child to have to do the things you say you had to to survive--but living with roomates is a great life lesson, in sharing and getting along, and learning what kind of personality you get along with, and how to cope when you don't.
It can also be a terror as well, as i learned my first year in college.
[A]t one point, my inlaws have a 4 bedroom house with 1 bathroom. There was DH uncle, aunt and 3 children (they lost their home), my SIL and BIL, me and my DH (BF at time) and my MIL and FIL. There were 4 dogs a ferret and 2 birds. That taught me and DH a whole lot about getting along in confined spaces. Its not like we were rambling around some big mansion
Eleven people (if I am counting correctly--was your husband listed twice?) in a four-bedroom house is not to code, at least in some areas. Where we lived in California, the legal occupancy limit was two per bedroom plus one, so a maximum of nine people could live in a four-bedroom house.
I fully agree with people who say that young adults living on their own should expect to be poor and uncomfortable. We had our share of cockroaches and crummy neighborhoods when we were young too. But loading up a house beyond its legal occupancy code is a bad idea. At the very least, it'll probably get you evicted. I guess it's one thing if one of you own the house and the neighbors don't call the cops, but an ordinary bunch of 19-year-olds in a rental are not likely to be able to live like that.
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In the 60's
. Of course my domicile is detached by about 300 ft from the main house which probably does help 
.
