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It is Monday morning. I have not heard from my son. This is a very long time for a kid his age to be gone. He doesn't have clean clothes, money, or his cellphone charger. I have no idea how he is surviving. I know if he was with certain friends, I would have gotten a phone call from their parents. I think he must be with older friends who I don't know.
My mother came to stay with me this weekend and keep me busy, so I would be distracted and not worry too much. She called my son and left him a message that he could go home with her and stay at her house if he wanted to. I guess you're never too old to need your parents
I did look through his room and computer. That was a good idea, but no clues there. At least I did not find anything terrible, like a gun or drugs or something.
It is going to be a long day. Thanks for listening.
One thing to think about, one of his friends may have the same phone, and if that's the case, he can charge it at their place.
I called and spoke with son's girlfriend's parents last night. Apparently the girlfriend had neglected to tell her parents that my son was in trouble. The girlfriend and my son saw each other this weekend. She said he was with somebody who I have never heard of. Her parents didn't have a whole lot to say. I couldn't tell if they were in shock, or just annoyed that I called at dinnertime.
I think it was good to tell the girlfriend's parents what was going on. Maybe they can get some info out of her, or at least prevent her from running away with my son. I'm going to call them again tonight.
Twinkletoes, I'm so glad you at least know your son is OK. Perhaps now that the girlfriends parents know what's going on, you might get more information. As a parent, I can't believe someone would be irritated that you called at dinnertime. Hopefully, they were just shocked by the news and will be a great help to you. Anyway, that is good news. Take a deep breath.
Twinkletoes, I'm so glad you at least know your son is OK. Perhaps now that the girlfriends parents know what's going on, you might get more information. As a parent, I can't believe someone would be irritated that you called at dinnertime. Hopefully, they were just shocked by the news and will be a great help to you. Anyway, that is good news. Take a deep breath.
Yes, thank the Lord you know that much. I know that I more than once received calls from parents of my son's teen-age friends who told me their child had run away. Unfortunately, it's more common than one might think so don't feel bad about calling "disturbing" anybody. I
He went to public school through the 8th grade. He is super smart and was in gifted classes but got low grades. I thought homeschooling would allow us to focus on subjects that interested him in addition to moving quickly through the "boring" required subjects. It worked well for awhile. I don't think he could go back to public school now. Our goal is to get GED and start college courses, one or two at a time while he lives at home.
We tried sports. He was in karate for 2 years, kayaking for a year.
I have not allowed him to get a driver's license or car. He's too irresponsible. I also stopped his allowance when he stopped doing chores. He paid for his own computer with money he earned cutting lawns. I won't take that away because he EARNED it and I think that's a good life lesson. I'm afraid to take the phone (because I want to be able to locate him) and he is pretty good about not abusing the number of minutes we have. I do like the idea of giving him a "kid" phone though.
Smoking IS bad because I have allergies. Also, he nearly set his bedroom on fire when he left a burning cigarette in his trash can. The room filled with smoke before we found it. I have asked him not to smoke in the house but I have found ashes at times.
His father has been MIA since before he was a year old. My dad and brother are good role models. He has been raised to have good manners. He's just not using them! I can't imagine why he doesn't respect me. I work hard, obey the law, am very polite, and don't tell lies. I have provided a good life for him. Teenagers are so frustrating!
Have him go to landscaping school. It sounds like he enjoys the outdoors and nature. Some kids aren't made for school. Compromise by helping to get him into a trade school provided he starts calling you or answering the phone when you call. Stress that it just makes you feel more relieved. Moms worry. Also, don't call all the time.
Have a curfew, most cities have a curfew anyway for teens. I'd say midnight - 12:30 is good for a 16 year old boy.
His "older friends" that YOU DON'T KNOW are bad news. Get his girlfriends parents involved. Don't let him know. If he's not going to school, alone all day without supervison, hanging out with older kids, smoking, well sorry to say this, but most likely he is drinking and possibly doing drugs - at the very least smoking pot.
If he didn't have anything to hide he wouldn't be afraid to call (or perhaps he was in no condition to call or answer your calls.) and you really need to start snooping more. If he won't go to a trade school or night school, make him get a job.
Smoking is stupid in the house if you have allergies. Just say, look, it's your body, if you want to smoke, go ahead, but please do not smoke in the house because it makes it difficult for me to breathe. Please smoke outside. Then say thank you. *smile*
Positive reinforcement. When he does something that pleases you, say so. Try to ignore the bad. After a while, he'll be doing things just to get the positive comments. He'll realize that the negative behavior is not getting him the attention he craves, so he'll eventually quit. If not, tel lhim it's time he moved out.
Explain to him that even though he is a very intelligent young man, his brain is not fully developed and therefore is subjected to making stupid mistakes - like not going to school and smoking. Also, he has no life experience, he's still just a little kid! TELL HIM! Then hug him and tell him how much you love him and how grateful you are that HE is your son.
He's a 16 year old BOY who is incapable of making the right decisions. Just because he is smart doesn't mean he is polite or mature. He could also use a male figure in his life.
Good luck to you. And as someone else said - stay strong.
Last edited by londonbarcelona; 10-23-2007 at 09:17 PM..
My 17 yr-old son does whatever he wants. He is bigger than me, and I am also disabled. He doesn't go to school. (At 17 in PA, he doesn't have to attend school if he chooses not to.) He is ADHD and is now legally able to refuse all meds and therapy and Drs. appts. I told him if he wasn't going to finish school, he had to get a job. His 1st and only job lasted 3 weeks. When I try to discipline him for inappropriate behavior, either his father or grama give him a place to "runaway" to. He has done this several times with no help from the authorities who don't want to get involved because of his age. This has been going on for almost 3 years. He now has a baby due in January.His only c
**** is to cut the grass. When he recently refused, he was to be grounded for 2 days. He called his grama, my mother, whom I donot speak to, and she came to get him. I called the police and his father gave him permission over the phone to stay at his gramas. We have EQUAL custody! Again, no help with the legal rights I KNOW I have as his mother. I am very worried about my coming grandchild and his actions. His grandmother has and will continue to fill his head with garbage.Please any advice would be deeply appreciated
Let him go. Let him live with someone else. Let them deal with it for a while. Your mother will change her tune after a while if she has to deal with it on a day to day basis. He is playing you, so let him be. He's 17, he's still a kid, but since he's going to be a dad soon, he'll have to grow up quickly now. I'd let him move out. It may just do him some good.
Putting this kid in the public school system will not change anything. The worst thing teachers can do is demand respect, because they will not receive it. In order for teachers to get respect in this day in age, they have to give it to students. I agree the sports would be the route to go, only if you find a sport that he is really into.
The OP said the only chore that her son will do is cut the lawn. If that's the case maybe try to get him some type of landscaping job. Not all kids are cut out to go to school, and I believe that 16 is the age in which kids can drop out of school. If he doesn't want to go back to school, there's no way to force him to go.
I don't believe in conseling at all. Many psychologists just listen to the issues that you are having, ask you about ways you think you can change the situation, and then collect their money.
Reactive responses such as putting your son in boot camp or trying to get him into juvenile hall will not work. He will likely only rebel more when he gets out.
Be proactive and try to encourage the development of constructive skills your son already has.
some of your responses make me wonder if you have children.
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