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Does anyone besides me see the importance of a good smile? Looks are nice, but it's the friendly smile, the happy eyes, and the good-to-see-you look that is going to win points.
Make sure that your child, regardless of actual facial features, understands the need for a pleasant face. Good posture is another thing that's often overlooked.
Beauty is easily forgotten if the total package is flawed.
I know,stupid title.
What made me start the thread was reading something in Ann Lander's book.
Someone had wrote their child wanted to become a model or actress,but that she wasnt particularly attractive.
Ann told the parent to help develop the child's other talents instead,and encourage those versus the ones having to do with beauty.
Do you agree with that advice? Part of me wants to,because I was an unattractive child,and I wished my Mom had been more direct in telling me instead of hearing it from others. I would have been "hardened" already.
I'm not talking about being brash,but she could have told me in a loving way.
Part of me doesn't agree with that because that's dashing a child's dream,which I hate doing
I don't think the parents should dash the child's dream. A child could be an actress without being gorgeous. Sandra Bernhard, Kathy Bates, Rhea Perlman, Mark Wahlberg, Anjelica Houston are all pretty unattractive but have been successful. She will figure out if she is model material on her own. Her parents don't need to do it for her.
I agree with developing skills outside of those that require beauty. However, acting is not dependent on beauty. I think it is healthy for girls to have a positive image that revolves around something other than their looks.
As to what I would do if I had an unattractive child. What could I do? The vast majority of parents love their children exactly the way they are.
"ugly kids" ( I hate that term ) many times grow up to be beatiful adults. So who cares anyways. If adults can figure out how to handle it then no wonder kids teas each other.
I don't think it does any child good to rely on their looks, everybody should be encouraged to develop other strengths.
Personally, I don't think I've ever found a child to be ugly. One of the sweetest young girls I know was horribly abused at a young age, and consequently, has no nose, just a gaping hole. Once her current foster family is cleared to adopt her, they will go ahead with plastic surgery, but that is still in the courts while the abusers await trial. I met this girl through one of her best friends in elementary school. Despite having friends, and not being teased, her foster parents made the decision to home school her, and now she rarely accepts invitations that would require her to go out in public. It's almost as though her life is in a holding pattern until the surgery can be done..
That is a horrible story. Poor kid.
Part of me thinks the foster parents are right in keeping her out of the school system. Those kids can be awfully mean. That could do more damage than sheltering her until the surgery can be done. No?
All children/adults are different, and all have there own unique qualitys, like another poster mentioned, a great smile, freindly eyes.... Its not all about looks, its the type of person you are, and if people warm to you and like you.
Its all about who you grow to be, and how you treat others, The child mentioned in the original post must be encouraged to do what ever they dream of, and not have it dashed by a parent at the first step.
As a child they just need encouragment, and nothing said that will effect there self esteem, then as they mature and step out on there own, they will discover this world is a negative and judgmental place. But i feel if they are encouraged , loved, and made to feel beutiful... they will deal with this alot better than a child thats told they have big ears or a fat backside, or wonky eyes from a young age as they will grow up loathing themselves.... being made to feel worth whatever they dream of, and know that no matter what people say to them. They are 100% beautiful no matter what.
Though thats just my thoughts, and what i tell my children, they are all handsome/preety, as i grew up compared to my younger blond cute faced sister... i was pale skinned, skinny, and black hair, my gran called me 'wednesday' and i grew up hating myself, and even now 30 yrs on i still have no confidence... i wish so much id been told just once i was attracive them i would of had the confidence to do what i really dreamed off
I could understand it if they made the decision just prior to the notoriously difficult middle school years, but they took her out in 4th grade. She had already been in the school for 3 years, and the stares had died way down. She used to attend birthday parties, sleep-overs, etc, and now refuses the invitations. I am sure her foster parents think they are acting in her best interests, they are lovely people, but somewhere this little girl has gotten the message that her inner beauty isn't enough.
I don't think the parents should dash the child's dream. A child could be an actress without being gorgeous. Sandra Bernhard, Kathy Bates, Rhea Perlman, Mark Wahlberg, Anjelica Houston are all pretty unattractive but have been successful. She will figure out if she is model material on her own. Her parents don't need to do it for her.
I agree with developing skills outside of those that require beauty. However, acting is not dependent on beauty. I think it is healthy for girls to have a positive image that revolves around something other than their looks.
As to what I would do if I had an unattractive child. What could I do? The vast majority of parents love their children exactly the way they are.
You are the second poster dishing on Kathy Bates!! Leave poor Kathy alone, hehe.
I know that my views are out of the norm but I find some of the Hollywood actors and actresses bland. Sure they are conventionally gorgeous with the perfect nose, teeth, hair but sometimes they all look the same to me. Perhaps I suffer from that facial recognition malady but I especially have troubles with some of the actresses---they just look the same. The actors and actresses that jump out the most at me are the ones that have that commanding presence but may not win a beauty contest. I'm a sucker for many British films and don't mind seeing some crooked teeth, noses, etc. Then again, I've always been attracted to the less conventional faces out there. When I was a kid, I had the worst crush on George C. Scott (showing my age here) for a long, long time. My friends would have their posters up of the latest teen idol and I would be mooning over poor old George.
Back onto topic though. I agree with you Momma bear completely (aside from Kathy ). Working on a multitude of skills is so important. If I had an unattractive child, wouldn't matter a bit. As long as they are a good person and well adjusted and happy, that is what counts.
Does anyone besides me see the importance of a good smile? Looks are nice, but it's the friendly smile, the happy eyes, and the good-to-see-you look that is going to win points.
I think everyone has encountered someone who is conventionally "beautiful" but whose personality or character makes them seem less so, and someone who is not conventionally "beautiful" but is made attractive by their character or personality. I totally agree about the welcoming smile that reaches the eyes, the interest in others, etc. as being very important to perceived attractiveness. I'm not sure how much stock I set in physical appearance taken on its own. Maybe it's an asset in a picture, but in real life, we all have to open our mouths and the rest of the package comes into play. Or maybe I'm just weird.
I think I wouldn't necessarily do anything different between having an "attractive" vs. "unattractive" child. I am trying to wrap my head around a parent who doesn't see his/her own child as beautiful, whether in a conventional sense or not.
.
Take out the botox, and implants, and wipe off all of the make-up,
smeared on their face, and you will see most women don't all look that great in real life. ...
Some women are just plan ugly, and some others are to ugly to be called ugly
so they are called down right ewgly. ...
I could understand it if they made the decision just prior to the notoriously difficult middle school years, but they took her out in 4th grade. She had already been in the school for 3 years, and the stares had died way down. She used to attend birthday parties, sleep-overs, etc, and now refuses the invitations. I am sure her foster parents think they are acting in her best interests, they are lovely people, but somewhere this little girl has gotten the message that her inner beauty isn't enough.
Oh, well that's entirely different. I see your point.
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). Working on a multitude of skills is so important. If I had an unattractive child, wouldn't matter a bit. As long as they are a good person and well adjusted and happy, that is what counts.
