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I know,stupid title.
What made me start the thread was reading something in Ann Lander's book.
Someone had wrote their child wanted to become a model or actress,but that she wasnt particularly attractive.
Ann told the parent to help develop the child's other talents instead,and encourage those versus the ones having to do with beauty.
Do you agree with that advice? Part of me wants to,because I was an unattractive child,and I wished my Mom had been more direct in telling me instead of hearing it from others. I would have been "hardened" already.
I'm not talking about being brash,but she could have told me in a loving way.
Part of me doesn't agree with that because that's dashing a child's dream,which I hate doing
Just to add,is it hard admitting to yourself that your own child is unattractive?
I didn't even know people did this until I looked on the internet,and yes,people do.
I am sure they love them,but it just seems so weird.
I would suggest encouraging *all* the child's talents. As for physical unattractiveness, if she tried some modelling, she might quickly be discouraged, but acting does not necessarily depend on attractive physical features. Look at Kathy Bates or Sandra Bernhard or Whoopi Goldberg. It's talent, not looks that make good actresses.
I don't think I agree with Ann Landers's advice. Beauty is totally subjective, and short of the child being grotesquely deformed, she can find success in such beauty driven fields. And given that beauty is subjective, what is considered "unattractive" by some can be attractive to many others. How many models were ridiculed when younger because of their "weird" looks and when they grew up, those same unattractive features are very attractive? As a kid I was teased for being tall, my lips too big, my chest was too flat, I could go on and on.
As for honesty from the parents, I'm sorry but I could never bring myself to ever tell my child that she is unattractive for a number of reasons. One, they aren't in my eyes, and I could really give a flip about what some strangers think. There's always going to be someone who thinks that you're ugly. Two, a parent (even lovingly) pointing out a beauty flaw will hurt a child much more than outsiders, guaranteed. Would you really like hearing your mom/dad commenting on that mole on your nose? Or your lips? Remember, your parents are held in higher regard than strangers, so their words carry much more weight.
Kid: I want to be a model Parent: I'm sorry, I'm afraid with that nose of yours, I don't think so. How about a gymnast instead? You're so good at gymnastics
Sorry, but that hurts more than some shmoe out there calling me ugly. personally, if that's what she wants to do, then I'd support her endeavors as best I could -- pick out makeup, clothes, whatever (I don't know because I never desired to be a model or an actress). She'll probably burn out on her own because she'll realize that she has a one in ??? chance of being successful, and that has nothing to do with looks. Which leads me to say that I'd also tell her, "Always remember, sweetie, to have a backup career because there are a ton of pretty faces out there"
My daughter is actually quite pretty (don;t know where she got that from, lol). I try to focus on her other qualities anyway , and not emphasize her looks. I'd do the same for a less-attractive child -- emphasize kindness, hard work, etc.
I don't think it does any child good to rely on their looks, everybody should be encouraged to develop other strengths.
Personally, I don't think I've ever found a child to be ugly. One of the sweetest young girls I know was horribly abused at a young age, and consequently, has no nose, just a gaping hole. Once her current foster family is cleared to adopt her, they will go ahead with plastic surgery, but that is still in the courts while the abusers await trial. I met this girl through one of her best friends in elementary school. Despite having friends, and not being teased, her foster parents made the decision to home school her, and now she rarely accepts invitations that would require her to go out in public. It's almost as though her life is in a holding pattern until the surgery can be done.
That is an extreme case I realize, but it illustrates to me the possible damage of focusing on a child's appearance. Besides, one who is considered to be a gorgeous baby, or a homely toddler, won't resemble their baby pictures for long.
I would make the comment that most parents do not even see their children as homely. My cousin's son was ugly... not going to lie... even as a baby, his nose was too big, his ears were huge, his head was pointed... While out shopping one day, she looked at me and said "I wonder how Mom's feel who have ugly kids? It's a good thing ours are so cute, so we'll never have to find out". Leads me to believe that, once you see that baby for the first time, you are blindly in love and don't even see anything else.
My niece's daughter has a head shaped like a light bulb and a lazy left eye that stares at her nose constantly. Her Mom doesn't see these things as ugly... she simply has Mommy's beautiful colored eyes and Daddy's nose and Grandma's ears, etc...
This is how it should be though... if anyone should love a child unconditionally, it should be a parent.
If there is a model search happening in the area, and the child really, really, really wants to go, I see no harm in taking them. After endless hours of standing in line, filling out paperwork and smiling in a hot, itchy miserable outfit - the chid will have her chance. The reality is often way different than the dream.
And who knows what the judges are looking for, so be prepared for anything...
If my daughter was unattractive, I wouldn't do anything.
I have never known a parent that thought any of their children were unattractive. I'm thinking a parent that would see that, think that, is the one that is "unattractive"!
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