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The point of this post is:
1) Do most parents delude themselves into thinking that I've raised my child so well they would NEVER do that?
2) Do sleepovers for teens lead to all kinds of things that are out of our control?
Thoughts?
As for 1) - I think there are two camps. One thinks they babies would do nothing wrong, and the other suspects their kids will do everything wrong. Parents need to realize that their kids are as inherently good as they are raised, but will likely test limits when given the opportunity.
2) - sleepovers don't lead to anything. Kids that would sneak out during a sleepover will sneak out without a sleepover.
As for 1) - I think there are two camps. One thinks they babies would do nothing wrong, and the other suspects their kids will do everything wrong. Parents need to realize that their kids are as inherently good as they are raised, but will likely test limits when given the opportunity.
There is a middle camp. Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary children, teens, adults WILL do wrong. What does it mean to do wrong? What do we, as parents DO with this wrong? And what does that lead to when they are teens and presented with the opportunity to sneak?
My brilliant brother snuck out with two friends when he was in high school. One of them brought his bb gun and they were shooting out streetlights. Someone called the police because it looked like three grown men were walking the streets with a gun. The cop who responded drew her gun as she couldn't tell it was a bb gun in the dark. My brother waited at the police station until our mother showed up.
I think kids just don't think of the consequences of their actions, as they are teenagers and think they're immortal.
There is a middle camp. Babies, toddlers, preschoolers, elementary children, teens, adults WILL do wrong. What does it mean to do wrong? What do we, as parents DO with this wrong? And what does that lead to when they are teens and presented with the opportunity to sneak?
I meant to say that most people fall into one camp or the other. The camp in the middle is the place to be.
My parents had a simple rule - they trusted me. They watched from the wings and made it clear that the trust was there, but every day offered a chance to lose that trust. That trust was something I didn't want to betray. I had no issue with making them mad, but to betray their trust was something else. If I did something wrong and discussed it with them, I could earn that trust back - but not all of it.
My parents never hovered over me, they didn't have to - that mantle of trust was always there.
I remember my teenage years and sneaking out to boyfriends houses during sleep overs at my friends house. I remember drinking and other things going on. I had a reasonably good head on my shoulders and never got into trouble. You can't prevent kids from being kids, nor can you prevent them from doing stupid things. I guess you just have to ride the waves until they have children of their own and you can say I told you so when they come crying to you about something stupid their child has done.
Maybe because I'm still generally young there's no way they'd make it by me.
I almost hate to break it to you, but just thinking that (never mind the attitude) makes you vulnerable.
You think the Seals have the attitude "there's no way they'd make it by us"? I'll answer that for you. They know there is someone out there who can make it past them. And they're constantly on the alert for it. Alarm system? So it wakes you up. Big deal. They're still out of the house and running if that's what their goal is. (You obviously don't know the kids who sneak out who are going to be laughing their heads off because they know you're trying to shut off the alarm. And they've woken up half the neighborhood.)
My oldest "snuck out" several times (I say snuck, because I knew she was leaving the house and who she was going with). One of those times, she did get in some potential trouble. It turned out well, but it could have been a huge legal issue for her (me).
My son goes to visit his gf late at night sometimes. The thought of sneaking out is considered so cool by that age group, that he removed the screen from his window so he could "sneak out" (he comes and tells me he's leaving and his car sounds like a Sherman tank anyway). He "sneaks" back in the same way (and then comes to tell me that he's home). We have a town curfew... he knows he is violating it... someday he will get busted and he will have to deal with that.
My husband and I believe that our children will learn certain things from life. We have given them the skills to make good decisions and we have taught them right from wrong. Sneaking out is one of those things that most teens do at some point or another.
Yes, you can't prevent kids from being kids - that's probably it in a nutshell.
There are lots of great kids that do "kid stuff" and most of the time kids don't mean harm. But similar to the situation above (the teens w/the bbguns) things can go terribly wrong.
Just as we can all recall the dumb things we did as teens (and marvel that no harm came of it) I also remember the situations where things did end tragically: a HS classmate who skipped class and ended up dead when being dared into playing Russian Roulette, a 17-yr-old cousin who went for a 3 a.m. joy ride and died (the driver was drunk), an inexperienced 16-yr-old driver who pressed the accelerator instead of the brakes and went of the side of a bridge.
Anything can happen anywhere - that's life. But reckless behaviors increase that likelihood.
My friends and I used to have the wild and crazy kind of sleepovers that you're imagining. The best ones were when we all told our parents that we were sleeping over at someone else's house. None of the parents cared, they just wanted us out of their hair for the night. They never called another parent to confirm our plans. So we'd spend the entire night out. There was a big hill that people liked to offroad on, they'd park up there and drink all night. We'd hike up there and get beer from men we'd never seen before in our lives. When the police came, someone would say we were their daughters and had permission to be there. We also liked to break into buildings that were under construction and just hang out in them. Sometimes we would climb fences and go swimming, if we knew someone with a pool who was on vacation.
There was a curfew but we would just hide in the bushes whenever we saw any car coming, when we were walking in the middle of the night. We usually wore dark clothes to blend in better.
None of the parents cared, they just wanted us out of their hair for the night. They never called another parent to confirm our plans.
That's actually pretty sad.
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