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Public restroom in the mall, sometimes, the doors are just broken. The door popped open twice already on me , and big boys were standing out there staring. It was embarrassing for both him and I. Don't you think?
This is not about YOUNG boys, this about boys as old as 11 or 12.
Anyone at any age, male or female, staring at others in a restroom is rude. If a door pops open and there is someone who happens to be stading right there, I'd guess they'd be pretty horrified as well. Most people, even preteen boys really don't care to see someone using the restroom. Ew.
Just how often are you seeing 12 y.o. boys in the ladies' room? The situation you describe indicates they are not there just loitering, but accompanied by an adult female. Again, not knowing any individual circumstance (any issues they might have that require assistance, or any history they might have that would make going to the men's room traumatic etc) why not just presume their parent made the best choice she could for her child in their circumstance?
I do think locker rooms are a separate issue. Public restrooms with individual stalls - not so much.
Anyone at any age, male or female, staring at others in a restroom is rude. If a door pops open and there is someone who happens to be stading right there, I'd guess they'd be pretty horrified as well. Most people, even preteen boys really don't care to see someone using the restroom. Ew.
Just how often are you seeing 12 y.o. boys in the ladies' room? The situation you describe indicates they are not there just loitering, but accompanied by an adult female. Again, not knowing any individual circumstance (any issues they might have that require assistance, or any history they might have that would make going to the men's room traumatic etc) why not just presume their parent made the best choice she could for her child in their circumstance?
I do think locker rooms are a separate issue. Public restrooms with individual stalls - not so much.
I have never said they were there loitering. I was just wondering what is the max age for women to take their sons to girls' restrooms? The one I have seen in this restroom, he is at least 5'3" and looks like he is at least 10. Of course the age could be way off, he might be 9 who knows?
It's helicopter parenting at its finest, people thinking they have to be chained to their kids 24/7 and if anything happens to them, even just a small boo-boo, that it's their fault for being "absent" for 5 seconds out of the entire day.
Someone cited that 1998 case--so based on a single occurrence 16 years ago compared to the untold millions or billions of bathroom experiences where nothing happened, now you're a bad parent or "engaging in risky behavior" if you, "OH EM GEE," let your NINE year old just go the bathroom? That's a large part of what is wrong with our culture, no risk is acceptable, however how minute it is, no matter how much inconvenience it creates for the parent compared to the extreme minute risk of danger (and yes convenience DOES matter, it's not laziness), no matter how much it stifles a child's independence and belief in the world it lives in, no matter how much it robs them of the joy of learning how to do things on their own that they're capable of doing for themselves.
I suppose we're bad parents in that we let our children start going to the bathroom alone starting by age 3 or so. Sometimes that even entailed them going "around the corner" as it were. As far as I'm concerned, if they have 2 legs that can walk, 2 arms that can open/close the door and turn on the light, they can remove (and re-attach) their clothing, and they know how to aim and wipe, they're old enough to go alone. Period.
I don't judge anybody's parenting skill, but I think you have made excellent points.
I have three nephews, 5, 6, and four years old. One thing I do notice that they just don't want me to bath them and I am their favorite aunt. They don't want any females bathing them if they have a choice.
So I was wondering if these boys even want to go to the girls' restrooms in the first place. and The boy I have seen in this public restroom, he looks like a preteen!!!
I have never said they were there loitering. I was just wondering what is the max age for women to take their sons to girls' restrooms? The one I have seen in this restroom, he is at least 5'3" and looks like he is at least 10. Of course the age could be way off, he might be 9 who knows?
I know you didn't state they were loitering, I was just providing an example of when it would be inappropriate or threatening to women. The situation you provided just doesn't seem that big of a deal, and certainly not threatening. Which is why I don't understand the problem I guess. Personally, I'd guess my son went to the men's room on his own around 6-7. I don't really recall. But, we were typically in places I wasn't too concerned. Or if we were somewhere I was not too sure, my husband was with us. But not everyone has that choice. And some children have issues that are not visibly apparent. Or they could have been in situations previously that could cause them anxiety. I guess, the older I get, the more I understand that we do not always know what is best for another person in another situation.
ETA - I also know that looks can be decieving. I have a nephew who has always been tall for his age. It was very difficult sometimes because people (even those who knew him) tended to often forget that he was actually a couple years younger than he looked. And they frequently expected him to behave the age he looked rather than the age he really was.
I know you didn't state they were loitering, I was just providing an example of when it would be inappropriate or threatening to women. The situation you provided just doesn't seem that big of a deal, and certainly not threatening. Which is why I don't understand the problem I guess. Personally, I'd guess my son went to the men's room on his own around 6-7. I don't really recall. But, we were typically in places I wasn't too concerned. Or if we were somewhere I was not too sure, my husband was with us. But not everyone has that choice. And some children have issues that are not visibly apparent. Or they could have been in situations previously that could cause them anxiety. I guess, the older I get, the more I understand that we do not always know what is best for another person in another situation.
Yeah, I do agree with you. I don't have any children, so when I have a boy, I might change my mind about this.
This is just a discussion really, it has nothing to do with criticizing parenting skills or anything like that.
That last time I recall going into the women's restroom was when I was five or six. I was with my mother, and I remember feeling very awkward. The odd part is that I believe we were at a country club, so it wouldn't have at all been dangerous for me to go into the men's room by myself with her waiting outside. Maybe there's some crucial extenuating factor that's slipping my mind.
This was in the '90s, so "stranger danger" etc. was in full force then--perhaps even more so than today. I'd imagine this is a highly circumstantial issue that depends both on the setting of the restroom and the maturity of the child. I'm not yet a parent, but I have some friends/acquaintances with children (along with my own, admittedly anecdotal, third-hand observation), and no matter what decisions you make on behalf of your child, there will always be some busybody out there waiting to criticize.
Barring some physical or developmental disability requiring special assistance, puberty would seem to be the "line in the sand" that no one should dare cross. But even then, maybe there's some hypothetical situation which would warrant breaking that rule.
That last time I recall going into the women's restroom was when I was five or six. I was with my mother, and I remember feeling very awkward. The odd part is that I believe we were at a country club, so it wouldn't have at all been dangerous for me to go into the men's room by myself with her waiting outside. Maybe there's some crucial extenuating factor that's slipping my mind.
This was in the '90s, so "stranger danger" etc. was in full force then--perhaps even more so than today. I'd imagine this is a highly circumstantial issue that depends both on the setting of the restroom and the maturity of the child. I'm not yet a parent, but I have some friends/acquaintances with children (along with my own, admittedly anecdotal, third-hand observation), and no matter what decisions you make on behalf of your child, there will always be some busybody out there waiting to criticize.
Barring some physical or developmental disability requiring special assistance, puberty would seem to be the "line in the sand" that no one should dare cross. But even then, maybe there's some hypothetical situation which would warrant breaking that rule.
I don't recall to have been in the men's restroom when I was a little girl, but my ex boyfriend has taken his daughter to men's restrooms because he was a divorced single father at the time. Not my kids, not my problem. I certainly am not a busy body who criticizing other people's parental skills.
The big kid I saw in this public restroom makes me very uncomfortable. First of all, he is at least 5'3", secondly, he looks like a preteen. The door was not fixed and it popped open on me and there he was, standing right in front of me while I was pulling up my pantie. Imagine that!
This is an embarrassing experience for both him and I. I do wonder if this kid even felt comfortable going to that girl's restroom in the first place.
Hence the discussion, what is the max age of boys been taken to the girls' restrooms.
This is not politically correct for me to say and I truly am not trying to create a controversy here. But I am getting pretty annoyed seeing boys as old as 8 or 9 going to the female restrooms with their mothers.
This is the second time I have noticed that boys as old as 8 or 9 years old in the women's restroom with their mothers in one month. Even though i am 29 years old and I am not a little girl, I have to admit that seeing 9 years old boys (at least they look like 9) in the women's bathroom makes me a little bit uncomfortable.
I think it is far worse when proud Dad's bring their daughters in the men's room. Unlike the women's restroom, men's restrooms are "open." Which means men stand in front of urinals, urinating. Also, in an attempt to not get urine on their pants, they don't always press that close to it, rather step several inches away from the urinal, allowing clear viewing if you get the drift. Urinals are something we are stuck with, it's part of the way guys are socialized growing up. And when a guy is finished, he hauls his equipment back in, and zips up; sorry but this is not something girls should be seeing, at any age. Pretty amazing when you consider how hyper vigilant most parents are these days being so over-protective of their children. Many parents often don't even take the time to notice a "family" restroom that is often present in some of the newer shopping malls. Although, boys ages at least eight years old and up should be using the men's restroom, truthfully, women have stalls, and everything is kept private.
I think it is far worse when proud Dad's bring their daughters in the men's room. Unlike the women's restroom, men's restrooms are "open." Which means men stand in front of urinals, urinating. Also, in an attempt to not get urine on their pants, they don't always press that close to it, rather step several inches away from the urinal, allowing clear viewing if you get the drift. Urinals are something we are stuck with, it's part of the way guys are socialized growing up. And when a guy is finished, he hauls his equipment back in, and zips up; sorry but this is not something girls should be seeing, at any age. Pretty amazing when you consider how hyper vigilant most parents are these days being so over-protective of their children. Many parents often don't even take the time to notice a "family" restroom that is often present in some of the newer shopping malls. Although, boys ages at least eight years old and up should be using the men's restroom, truthfully, women have stalls, and everything is kept private.
Right. My ex boyfriend always took his daughter to the men's restroom. I never asked any questions because obviously how he choose to parenting is really none of my businesses.
He's a great guy, and a very good dad. Obviously, he worried about his daughter and was overly protective. Understandable. But I always think if I become a mother one day, I'd rather my daughter to go to the restroom with a female stranger and have my husband waiting outside the women's restroom, than having my husband taking her to the men's restroom.
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