Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I mean honestly how many of your guys parents actually wanted you? I know mine didn't and they have told me this. I've accomplished more than my family in my early 20's, with no help from parents. So if the kid wants to pay for child support and college than let him. Its a lot more than most parents that are involved in a child's life do.
Mine wanted me, and I've been loved and adored my entire life . . . it's a very empowering feeling, and you grow up with a strong belief in yourself, your own abilities and confidence that you have a place in the world. It's a feeling every child should experience. And after a couple of unfortunate miscarriages, my brother came along, also to open arms and hearts -- they were thrilled! The fact that your parents were callous enough to tell you that you were unwanted is mindblowing to me. But it does tend to prove my point -- kids who grow up without any role model of what healthy relationships look like have no point of reference to create their own.
there's nothing I value more than my personal freedom. I've got the job I want (engineering), I have a nice house, the car I wanted, I enjoy travelling to exotic places and not having to answer to anything or anyone besides my job.
I'm not sure why seeing your kid for (I don't know) 5-10 hours a week would really change any of that. You still have your house, car, can take your own vacations (don't have to take along the Mother or Child, unless you want) and you would be the (very) secondary parent. Honestly, I don't see a big downside and you probably will enjoy spending time with your son.
I know several women who wish fervently that their former husbands/boyfriends weren't involved with the children because their erratic behavior upsets them and interferes with important things like their education. If you are going to give the mother sole custody, I would say send the checks and let her direct you as to what involvement she thinks would be good for the child. If the child wants to know his biological father as he gets older, I think you have to be welcoming. So make sure any other women you're involved with in the future knows a son might be showing up in your life in the future and for heaven's sake have a vasectomy so this doesn't happen again.
Stay away if you don't want to be in the kid's life. However, make certain to pay your child support on time every month, and pay for the kid's health insurance if you have a company plan you can put him on, and at least half the cost of daycare.
I am raising my daughter without her father in her life (by his choice completely). He does the above regarding CS, health insurance, and daycare. It's a lot easier to parent her without him coming and going. People on here may tell you that it's your duty, but if your heart isn't in it, or if you see him as a burden, and you're constantly checking your watch until your day of visitation is over or you end up canceling visits at the last minute because you don't want to be there, that will, in my opinion, be more harmful to the boy than the kid figuring out that you don't actually like spending time with him.
Be open to seeing him when he's older (like a teenager) - he might want to know his father at that point, and it may be easier for you to do things with him by that age, as well (going to the game, whatever).
Again, I know people will disagree with me here, but if you're not going to love that boy and want to be in his life, then he will figure it out and likely be hurt by it. Be fair with your CS (don't pay the bare minimum), and start saving for college, because CS doesn't always end at the age of 18. And get the paternity test - you should pay for it, because you're the one with the questions, but getting one doesn't hurt. Do it before you sign the birth certificate.
Actually, it will probably be easier on the mom if you don't sign it (if you're not planning to be in the boy's life). If my daughter's father had signed her birth certificate, then I'd have had to have legal paperwork from him saying it's OK for my daughter to get a passport. Because his name wasn't listed, I could just get her a passport by myself. It would have been extremely annoying to get permission from a guy who has never even seen her (again, by his choice), and who had just signed her birth certificate years ago. Not signing the birth certificate does not mean anything legally in terms of being ordered to pay child support (the DNA will) - signing the birth certificate in some states, however, could cause you problems if the kid genetically isn't your's, however. So don't sign it, get the paternity test, and make your payments every month (on time) if the kid is your's.
I think an indifferent father is quite likely worse than an absent one. I don't agree with what you want to do OP, but if you can't be there for the good and the bad of raising a child, don't be there at all. The child will eventually realize he got a crap deal.
I do commend you for first of all, recognizing that the mother had the choice to abort or not, and also for committing to financial support.
I hope the mother finds somebody willing to father her child.
Indifferent father
Absent father
Same thing
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
