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It definitely will affect her adversely and don't ever allow your wife to make you choose between her & your kid & your other kid. My ex disowned my sons for 7 years and chose her family & kids over his own. MAJOR screw up! They didn't talk until she died.
You owe it to your daughter to be there for her. You were a package deal when you met your wife and she can't change the rules now.
You and birth mom agreed to move closer to her family for your 11 yo's best interest. Any chance of getting bio mom to move also? The children obviously come first. Happiness aside, sometimes you also have to go where the jobs are. I'd try to get bio mom on board to come up with a workable situation for everyone.
My main struggle is balancing a "separated" child, with a wife and "full time" child. I've been told my priority is my wife with whom I took vows. I am strongly attached to my 11 y.o. as well. This is not an easy situation.
Who told you this? As a parent, I believe your first priority is the children you bring into this world. Second wives must know this.
Hi all. I have found myself in a pickle and it's on my mind constantly. I had a daughter with someone that it didn't work out with, in a place I transplanted to for work. I'm still in the same city, but have since married and have a 2 y.o. daughter with my wife. I live in a high cost of living area with long commute times.
5 years ago, (we were already split) I told the 11 year olds mother we should (separately) move closer to her family so the kiddo can be by them, since I have no family in this place. I was/am willing to commute everyday to raise the quality of my daughters life, so she can be close to her immediate family. We have 50/50 custody.
Fast forward 5 years, and I admittedly didn't think about this pre-marriage, but things have of course changed. I have my wife and 2 year old to think about, and we don't live in an area we really want to, and I am commuting a long distance for all this. She also does not have any family around us. We are also not homeowners, and possibly won't be here due to the high cost of living. Our neighborhood is safe, clean, schools are average and all that, but I'm not 100% happy either. It is on our radar to move to a smaller city with lower cost of living, better schools, etc. Long story short, income is also a potential issue, if I were to lose my decent job in this high COL area, finding an equal one around here is tough. Lower income in this high cost of living area would not be good for the quality of life for my household.
So it boils down to providing for my wife and 2 y.o., who only have me, and also being here for my 11 y.o. I'm trying very hard to hold it all together, but if we did have to move away so I could find employment, I just wonder what it would do to my 11 y.o. She is resilient and get's straight A's, but she's a girl and emotional too. I provide a good life for her. Her mother would not let me take her, that's not an option.
Anyone have any input on this? Thanks
Um...no. You have two children and your wife to think about and provide for...financially, emotionally and physically. Just because you moved on from one romantic involvement does not mean a child is SOL. Man up and be a father to both of your children equally. Your wife knew you had an existing child. If she's encouraging you to disregard a child in favor of her and her child, she's not much of a woman.
Last edited by maciesmom; 04-07-2015 at 06:03 PM..
Please don't move away from your daughter. My ex moved 7 hours away from our kids at just about that age. I can't begin to tell you how it has affected my kids.
Your first responsibility is to your children - at least until they are grown.
She's 11. It's really tough on a kid that age. Wait at least 5 years . . . until she's at least old enough to fly and/or drive by herself and able to handle it better emotionally.
MILLIONS of Southern Californians have dealt with horrid commutes, high rent, high insurance rates, high gasoline prices, the high cost of living, and traffic on the 405 during rush hour. Including me.
You're thinking about leaving behind an 11-year old, who is your DAUGHTER, because you don't like dealing with what every.single.person in Southern California deals with. I Really? She'll see her Dad leave and take his new family with him. Dude. You have TWO kids because of your choices. Your 11-year old didn't get a vote when you got married and had another child.
p.s. Your life is hard? So is her's. It will be even harder if she sees Dad move on to something else. She's 11 not 35.
Last edited by DewDropInn; 04-07-2015 at 07:58 PM..
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