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Um no. I'm not joking/being sarcastic. I am speaking as a man and as a father and husband.
Your new wife and child are your first priority, they are your family.
1. The 2 year old
2. New wife
3. 11 year old
You have to do what's best for your real family. The family you're married too. Your first priority is them. You never made a vow to your daughter but you did make a vow to your wife and have a child in the marriage.
Move wherever you have to move. Go visit the 11 year old child periodically and request your ex wife to amend custody so you get holidays and summers with the other child. If she doesn't want to do that, drop it and move on.
Do what's best for your real family bro. The family you are married too. They are your first priority. The other child is still a responsibility of yours, but a lesser one. You are not with the mother, and she is lucky you are even considering her when making this choice. Do not spite your new family over a mistake you made 11 years ago. SoCal is expensive, move to Phoenix, Texas wherever..somewhere with a sensible government, and reasonable prices where you can provide a life for your new family.
If you are going to put your old family above your wife and the baby you had together, why did you even have a new kid...to play second fiddle to a child whose mother you aren't married too?
Move on. These people are emotional whiney babies. Do what's best for the people that matter most, your wife and new child. This is man to man speaking. You will regret it forever and you, your wife and your child will forever resent the 11 year old who held you back from having the best life you can. Again dude, why have another kid and family just to put them behind the child of a woman you aren't even with. The ex and the 11 year old are the past, you gonna dwell in the past? Or you gonna make a good future? Your choice.
Um no. I'm not joking/being sarcastic. I am speaking as a man and as a father and husband.
Your new wife and child are your first priority, they are your family.
1. The 2 year old
2. New wife
3. 11 year old
You have to do what's best for your real family. The family you're married too. Your first priority is them. You never made a vow to your daughter but you did make a vow to your wife and have a child in the marriage.
Move wherever you have to move. Go visit the 11 year old child periodically and request your ex wife to amend custody so you get holidays and summers with the other child. If she doesn't want to do that, drop it and move on.
Do what's best for your real family bro. The family you are married too. They are your first priority. The other child is still a responsibility of yours, but a lesser one. You are not with the mother, and she is lucky you are even considering her when making this choice. Do not spite your new family over a mistake you made 11 years ago. SoCal is expensive, move to Phoenix, Texas wherever..somewhere with a sensible government, and reasonable prices where you can provide a life for your new family.
If you are going to put your old family above your wife and the baby you had together, why did you even have a new kid...to play second fiddle to a child whose mother you aren't married too?
Move on. These people are emotional whiney babies. Do what's best for the people that matter most, your wife and new child. This is man to man speaking. You will regret it forever and you, your wife and your child will forever resent the 11 year old who held you back from having the best life you can. Again dude, why have another kid and family just to put them behind the child of a woman you aren't even with. The ex and the 11 year old are the past, you gonna dwell in the past? Or you gonna make a good future? Your choice.
Typical male response , why am I not surprised ... Oh I have so many issues with what is stated above . what world do you live in that this would be accepted as normal behavior ...The Op owes his first child every bit as much as his 2nd child ...Unfortunately most men think like the statement above .
Gawd nothing surprises me anymore .
I would go. If your ex wanted to keep an intact family for your child, you guys would still be together. You shouldn't be bound to be unhappy. It's not 1910, we have planes, trains, automobiles etc
Here is what you do, you move where your family needs to move. Although you have a daughter in SoCal, you also have a new family to think about. Again, if your ex wanted her daughter to have both parents in her life full time she would have made it work between you too. You have a responsibility to your new kid and your new wife before your old family. Move wherever you have to move, and then fly down every month/6 weeks/2months and get a hotel and spend the weekend with your daughter. Take her to Disneyland or whatever. Also renegotiate the custodial agreement so you get holidays and summers. It won't be that bad if you go see Her every 6 weeks, and spend Thanksgiving, Easter, Christmas and summer vacation with her.
Your responsibility comes first to your new family. If your ex doesn't want to renegotiate the custodial agreement so you get summers and holidays..it is out of your hands and you needn't feel guilty because obviously your ex doesn't care too much.
You have a new family, a fresh start. Worst case scenario, move on from the 11 year old. She will survive but you have a new wife and kid and a new life that she is not required to be a part of. Blame her mother for that because if you guys were still together then your daughter wouldn't be old news, now she is. Your priority is to your real family. Your wife and the child you have with your wife.
Yeah because taking your child to disneyland always makes up for months of not being there . I love how you on one hand say he shouldn't be unhappy, but on the other say she should be in order to keep the family together. Sexist much?
Um no. I'm not joking/being sarcastic. I am speaking as a man and as a father and husband.
Your new wife and child are your first priority, they are your family.
1. The 2 year old
2. New wife
3. 11 year old
You have to do what's best for your real family. The family you're married too. Your first priority is them. You never made a vow to your daughter but you did make a vow to your wife and have a child in the marriage.
Move wherever you have to move. Go visit the 11 year old child periodically and request your ex wife to amend custody so you get holidays and summers with the other child. If she doesn't want to do that, drop it and move on.
Do what's best for your real family bro. The family you are married too. They are your first priority. The other child is still a responsibility of yours, but a lesser one. You are not with the mother, and she is lucky you are even considering her when making this choice. Do not spite your new family over a mistake you made 11 years ago. SoCal is expensive, move to Phoenix, Texas wherever..somewhere with a sensible government, and reasonable prices where you can provide a life for your new family.
If you are going to put your old family above your wife and the baby you had together, why did you even have a new kid...to play second fiddle to a child whose mother you aren't married too?
Move on. These people are emotional whiney babies. Do what's best for the people that matter most, your wife and new child. This is man to man speaking. You will regret it forever and you, your wife and your child will forever resent the 11 year old who held you back from having the best life you can. Again dude, why have another kid and family just to put them behind the child of a woman you aren't even with. The ex and the 11 year old are the past, you gonna dwell in the past? Or you gonna make a good future? Your choice.
I pity the woman that marries you, because it's obvious the only person that takes priority in your life is yourself. He has no reason to resent his child. He even stated that the decision to move closer to her family was his without any regard for the future.
Typical male response , why am I not surprised ... Oh I have so many issues with what is stated above . what world do you live in that this would be accepted as normal behavior ...The Op owes his first child every bit as much as his 2nd child ...Unfortunately most men think like the statement above .
Gawd nothing surprises me anymore .
No kidding, and they make the Fathers who do have a lot to do with their kids look bad as a result.
Um no. I'm not joking/being sarcastic. I am speaking as a man and as a father and husband.
Your new wife and child are your first priority, they are your family.
1. The 2 year old
2. New wife
3. 11 year old
You have to do what's best for your real family. The family you're married too. Your first priority is them. You never made a vow to your daughter but you did make a vow to your wife and have a child in the marriage.
Move wherever you have to move. Go visit the 11 year old child periodically and request your ex wife to amend custody so you get holidays and summers with the other child. If she doesn't want to do that, drop it and move on.
Do what's best for your real family bro. The family you are married too. They are your first priority. The other child is still a responsibility of yours, but a lesser one. You are not with the mother, and she is lucky you are even considering her when making this choice. Do not spite your new family over a mistake you made 11 years ago. SoCal is expensive, move to Phoenix, Texas wherever..somewhere with a sensible government, and reasonable prices where you can provide a life for your new family.
If you are going to put your old family above your wife and the baby you had together, why did you even have a new kid...to play second fiddle to a child whose mother you aren't married too?
Move on. These people are emotional whiney babies. Do what's best for the people that matter most, your wife and new child. This is man to man speaking. You will regret it forever and you, your wife and your child will forever resent the 11 year old who held you back from having the best life you can. Again dude, why have another kid and family just to put them behind the child of a woman you aren't even with. The ex and the 11 year old are the past, you gonna dwell in the past? Or you gonna make a good future? Your choice.
As shocking as this attitude is, it is exactly how the 11 year old will perceive it if her father moves away with his new family. I'm hoping this poster is a teenager with no conception of the responsibility of parenting and an immature and selfish attitude regarding life decisions.
Hi all. I have found myself in a pickle and it's on my mind constantly. I had a daughter with someone that it didn't work out with, in a place I transplanted to for work. I'm still in the same city, but have since married and have a 2 y.o. daughter with my wife. I live in a high cost of living area with long commute times.
5 years ago, (we were already split) I told the 11 year olds mother we should (separately) move closer to her family so the kiddo can be by them, since I have no family in this place. I was/am willing to commute everyday to raise the quality of my daughters life, so she can be close to her immediate family. We have 50/50 custody.
Fast forward 5 years, and I admittedly didn't think about this pre-marriage, but things have of course changed. I have my wife and 2 year old to think about, and we don't live in an area we really want to, and I am commuting a long distance for all this. She also does not have any family around us. We are also not homeowners, and possibly won't be here due to the high cost of living. Our neighborhood is safe, clean, schools are average and all that, but I'm not 100% happy either. It is on our radar to move to a smaller city with lower cost of living, better schools, etc. Long story short, income is also a potential issue, if I were to lose my decent job in this high COL area, finding an equal one around here is tough. Lower income in this high cost of living area would not be good for the quality of life for my household.
So it boils down to providing for my wife and 2 y.o., who only have me, and also being here for my 11 y.o. I'm trying very hard to hold it all together, but if we did have to move away so I could find employment, I just wonder what it would do to my 11 y.o. She is resilient and get's straight A's, but she's a girl and emotional too. I provide a good life for her. Her mother would not let me take her, that's not an option.
Anyone have any input on this? Thanks
My wife's parents split when she was young. Her father came to mid-Pennsylvania and then upstate New York every other weekend, religiously, for "his" weekends. My wife and her sister are now quite close to their father. In other words, find a way to be a part of the 11 year old's life. And if you promise her that, keep the promise.
That has to factor into the "cost of living" part of the decision.
Dude, you do realize I am 27 with a 6 year old and going on 8 years of marriage.
If you choose your old kid over your new family, you obviously weren't ready to get married again because you still are attached. If you weren't ready to move on, why did you?
Dude, you do realize I am 27 with a 6 year old and going on 8 years of marriage.
If you choose your old kid over your new family, you obviously weren't ready to get married again because you still are attached. If you weren't ready to move on, why did you?
So in your mind your child is only important while you are with the other parent or you are single. Once you get married to someone new it's okay to give them the old heave ho, because they now have dropped from number one to number zero. As I said before, I pity any woman that marries you .
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. I love how you on one hand say he shouldn't be unhappy, but on the other say she should be in order to keep the family together. Sexist much?
