How hard is it on an 11 year old for their Dad to move away? (girl, daughters)
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Just a tidbit from my experience. My older girls were 10 and 14 when their dad decided to split.
As soon as he moved out he decided that they weren't his priority, like you are thinking now and he didn't see them much even though he was living somewhat nearby. He decided his new life was the priority (even though it didn't include a new wife yet).
They both felt abandoned.
They both felt unloved.
They both felt as though everything that had come before he left was a lie since he walked away so easily.
They wondered why he didn't care enough to actually have them with him for at least his visitation times and honestly for more than the bare minimum.
They were hurt to find out things he had done that they didn't get to do with him, things they thought a family would do together.
They were sad that he didn't bother to bring them to see his family anymore.
They were devastated that he didn't love them enough to be there for their birthdays.
When he moved, they rarely heard from him at all, but the damage had already been done by him just not being there. He totally damaged his relationship with them and today, as adults at 28(soon 29) and 33, they don't consider him much of a dad. They typically ignore his rare calls. He has lived about 5 hours away for the last 10 years or so and one has been there once to see him, the other not at all. He shows up for family functions maybe once a year so they've come to expect to not see him when they go.
By withdrawing his attention from them, they don't really know him, don't want to know him anymore and feel like there is no love there either. Basically, he threw it all away with them and now there is no relationship.
So, think long and hard about if you want to continue a positive and loving relationship with your daughter. Long distance adult relationships hardly ever work and it's going to be even more difficult with a child.
Dude, you do realize I am 27 with a 6 year old and going on 8 years of marriage.
If you choose your old kid over your new family, you obviously weren't ready to get married again because you still are attached. If you weren't ready to move on, why did you?
As a divorced father of children, I find your attitude nothing short of pathetic. You are treating a child like an old sofa that you can leave behind because you bought a new sofa.
@OP: My daughter is almost 10. She would be devastated if I moved farther away. I see jobs all over the country that I would like to apply to, but I don't, because it is not about me, it is about being a father to my children. I can't imagine not seeing my children on a regular basis.
Just wanted to point out that your daughter didn't get a say in anything and your distinction between your two children is at best sad and at worst .
Always happens. I really can't deal with men that do this. I guess now he'll be the perfect Dad to the 2 year old and not long ago remembered he actually had an 11 year old. Sucks.
My 11-year old daughter has a friend who moved here (GA) with her Mom and stepdad this year. Her father is in NY. That child gets on a plane every other weekend to visit her Dad. Think about that for a minute. That means she will never be able to join a sports team, be in the school play, etc... because she'd miss half the weekend practices. Hardly seems fair. The burden falls on her to do all the exhausting traveling, etc... I know that the family came here for a career opportunity and I get that, but so stressful for the child. In your case, would you be willing to foot the bill for her to fly to visit you every other weekend? Or once a month? Or for the summer? When would you see her, exactly? You've got to consider the reality of the expense of keeping up a relationship with her from long distance. Or would that all fall by the wayside?
On the flip side, I know a divorced family where the Mom cheated on the Dad and they subsequently divorced. She (and her lover/new husband) had a job opportunity across the country. Dad, not wanting to lose contact with the children, managed to find a job in the same city and they all moved at the same time. Now, that's a Dad who put his money where his mouth was in terms of keeping up a relationship with his kids.
Typical male response , why am I not surprised ... Oh I have so many issues with what is stated above . what world do you live in that this would be accepted as normal behavior ...The Op owes his first child every bit as much as his 2nd child ...Unfortunately most men think like the statement above .
Gawd nothing surprises me anymore .
Wow! You're even more of a neanderthal than the guy you're responding to. Come out of the dark ages, lady. At least read the previous responses by all the other men here and read a few from women who are telling him to leave too.
Yeah because taking your child to disneyland always makes up for months of not being there . I love how you on one hand say he shouldn't be unhappy, but on the other say she should be in order to keep the family together. Sexist much?
His viewpoint, while not being popular here, has also been made by women. Your characterization of it as sexist is false and makes you...sexist!
Dude, you do realize I am 27 with a 6 year old and going on 8 years of marriage.
If you choose your old kid over your new family, you obviously weren't ready to get married again because you still are attached. If you weren't ready to move on, why did you?
So if your wife dumps you, maybe for being so immature, you will feel absolutely free to abandon your kid except for the occasional trip to Disney and let your life revolve around your new real family?
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. I love how you on one hand say he shouldn't be unhappy, but on the other say she should be in order to keep the family together. Sexist much?
