Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Does anyone get the feeling OP is slightly transphobic and narrow minded or is it just me?
OP, exactly how old were you when you had your daughter? You seem so immature and hung up over the trivial things instead of the things that matter. Like getting your daughter some help.
Whether Spencer is a good name or not or whether it's more suited for men doesn't matter. What matters is your daughter's well being.
Does anyone get the feeling OP is slightly transphobic and narrow minded or is it just me?
OP, exactly how old were you when you had your daughter? You seem so immature and hung up over the trivial things instead of the things that matter. Like getting your daughter some help.
Whether Spencer is a good name or not or whether it's more suited for men doesn't matter. What matters is your daughter's well being.
I was 17 when I had my eldest daughter who's now 24 and I was 25 when I had Ellie. Not that it matters. I don't understand why you're under the impression I'm focusing on trivial things because I'm not. I'd love to get her some therapy to deal with her issues but I know my child, and I know she's extremely defiant and isn't exactly co-operative. It's just not who she is.
Also, I am in no way transphobic, why on earth would you even think that?
She really hasn't shown any signs of wanting to run away, no. I don't think she'd be able to either, her whole life she's gotten everything handed to her on a silver platter and to be frank, I think I'm starting to agree with the people saying I need to be stricter and take her to a therapist whether she likes it or not. I think it's the only way. However, I don't know how productive it's going to be. I'll certainly try though.
My husband and I divorced when she was 8, it was a long time ago, she's turning 16 this month. I'm pretty sure that isn't why. He hasn't been in the picture in a very long time.
The bold explains exactly why she is acting out. You both should be in counseling.
I wouldn't drag her to a therapist, I would go to one yourself who specializes in adolescents. They can coach you if she is refusing to go. You need help with this.
As for the name, yes you can change what you call her. My son changed his name when he was 5 years old. It took some getting used to, but I did. You can too.
But I agree, there is way more to this then just a name change.
I was 17 when I had my eldest daughter who's now 24 and I was 25 when I had Ellie. Not that it matters. I don't understand why you're under the impression I'm focusing on trivial things because I'm not. I'd love to get her some therapy to deal with her issues but I know my child, and I know she's extremely defiant and isn't exactly co-operative. It's just not who she is.
Also, I am in no way transphobic, why on earth would you even think that?
The fact that you are focusing on the name rather than the behavior is exactly focusing on trivialities.
A person who threatens suicide should be taken seriously. As stated before, if she's truly suicidal she needs help. Now. If she's using the threat to manipulate you, she will continue to do so. Either situation needs immediate attention.
When my son changed his name when he was 5 years old, want to know how much I fought him on it? Not at all. He asked that I call him something else, he was adamant I do (and everyone else too) and we did it. He happily goes by it now. You should have started calling her Spenser when she first asked you to. The legal name change doesn't have to come right away. But now it is a huge war with you. A total mistake on your part to let it get to this.
Get yourself into a therapist. Dragging her in right now is a mistake. BTDT. It creates a war of its own and she will be mum and defiant in therapy forever to prove to you she doesn't want to go. But a good therapist can coach you on parenting her, even potentially ideas for getting her to be receptive to coming in. A therapist can also help you identify where you need to change and be flexible.
When my son changed his name when he was 5 years old, want to know how much I fought him on it? Not at all. He asked that I call him something else, he was adamant I do (and everyone else too) and we did it. He happily goes by it now. You should have started calling her Spenser when she first asked you to. The legal name change doesn't have to come right away. But now it is a huge war with you. A total mistake on your part to let it get to this.
Get yourself into a therapist. Dragging her in right now is a mistake. BTDT. It creates a war of its own and she will be mum and defiant in therapy forever to prove to you she doesn't want to go. But a good therapist can coach you on parenting her, even potentially ideas for getting her to be receptive to coming in. A therapist can also help you identify where you need to change and be flexible.
I do suspect this might fall under the heading of teenage drama, but that doesn't make it a reason to deny her demands. You do have some leverage here OP.
Insist she see a therapist first. If the therapist recommends the name change, tell your daughter you will accept that decision. Then insist she must earn the filing fees and attorney costs as applicable in your state. In most states, the non-custodial parent must be notified via certified mail and given the chance to contest the change. Let your daughter know that will be her responsibility.
And then tell her it all becomes slightly less complicated if she's willing to wait until she's 18.
At 15 she sounds immature. She needs to see a counselor. This is not normal behavior. All because she wants to change her name? WOW. She will be 18 soon then she can do whatever she wants. I wouldn't want this one living at my house at 18.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
