Neighbor (mom) handsout invite to kids and excludes mine (child, school, friends)
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Just wanted thoughts on this. My daughter was playing with the kids next door. It was time to come in so when I went out to get her I saw all the kids talking to a neighbor. The neighbor is the mother of a boy a bit younger than my daughter. My daughter comes in through the patio doors upset and the next door kid walks right behind her telling me my daughter is upset because she didn't get invited to the party. Not only did she not receive an invite but the boy runs to my patio, sits on the chairs and starts telling me he is having a party. My daughter can hear all this and the boy's mom is still right outside her house seeing all this (we live in townhouses so we share some of the back yard- no fencing). When I'm finally alone with my daughter she asks me why the mom didn't invite her. Now, this boy plays as much with my daughter as with the other kids. Of course I don't think the boy had bad intentions, but I do think the mother was incredibly inconsiderate and gave no care in the world that she was hurting my kids feelings. If the boy had been giving out the invitations it would have been different but it was the mother and my daughter was right there with the rest of the kids. Also, I'm not expecting my kid to be included in all parties but there are ways to be sensitive about this. I want to keep my daughter innocent as much as possible but I don't think I'm doing her any favors by sugar coating things. I explained to her that it was ok if she doesn't get invited to some birthday parties, I also reminded her of how she gets invited to many during the year. I also pointed out that the neighbor was rude in inviting other kids like that in front of her if she wasn't going to invite her. I told her we (my husband and I) would not do that to other kids and reminded her of how we invited her friends to her last birthday (mailing invitations to some of the girls in her classroom so the rest of the kids would not get hurt). I also told her that now I would not feel comfortable if she went to the boys birthday because now we knew the mom was rude. She has reached the age (6) where children can be mean to each other and I've been teaching her that we can't force people to be nice. People will be nice if they want and no one can make someone be nice. So when I mentioned the mother being rude, she understood me immediately. She got over the issue almost as soon as the conversation was over. I don't feel the need to talk to the neighbor. I've learned myself that not everyone will act the way I would and more importantly they will not care (clearly she didn't). But it doesn't stop shocking me that people can be thoughtless, inconsiderate and rude.
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Originally Posted by momi2
I see your points but they don't relate to my post. Maybe you should read and understand before you respond. On my initial post I said: (1) I DON'T expect my daughter to be invited to all parties and (2) I don't blame the birthday boy because he is a child. The problem was how the mother behaved.
You seem to formulate a whole story in your head about how people think, negative and positive attitudes or how my child behaved after the situation. My daughter was fine after our talk. My post's main point was not my daughter's feeling or the way her "attitudes will develop in life." It was about an adult being a tool to a kid.
Your posts above are where I got the impression that you were very negative.....Just because someone doesn't invite your child to a birthday party doesn't automatically translate that they are thoughtless, inconsiderate, rude, or a tool.
You do a disservice to your child by influencing these attitudes. Just my opinion, on a thread you created in an open forum and asked for opinions. I'm not misunderstanding or making up the negative attitude that is being conveyed. It is there in print.
I actually am sorry that your little girls feelings were hurt. It could simply be that, rather than deliberately excluding your child, the mother saw a chance to hand out the invites, and your daughter ran up to the group when she saw them gather.
Hope this clears up why I made the comment that seemed to upset you. I apologize it wasn't meant to upset you.
What child doesn't see a cute invitation on the fridge, and not ask excitedly, "Who invited me to their party?!" Do you say, "Oh don't worry about it, I'll tell you when you need to know," or just shoo them away? I mean, c'mon now...
And I used to invite the whole class so nobody felt left out. Not all the kids are going to come anyway.
"There's a surprise party coming up." "It's for your sibling's friend." "It's a secret." They're children, and as parents we decide what they need to know.
I was starting to see more evites when my youngest reached 6th grade. Nothing to put on the fridge.
Your posts above are where I got the impression that you were very negative.....Just because someone doesn't invite your child to a birthday party doesn't automatically translate that they are thoughtless, inconsiderate, rude, or a tool. .
No, simply not inviting someone to a party, in itself is not "rude". But handing out the invitations in front of someone that is not invited, IS rude and generally is considered insensitive and poor manners. That is why it was upsetting to them. Get it?
A lot of people aren't really very nice. She professes to be a Christian, as well.
yup, know exactly what you mean. We are acquainted with several Church every Sunday couples and one little girl is already purposely excluding some classmates just like mean girl mom.
No, simply not inviting someone to a party, in itself is not "rude". But handing out the invitations in front of someone that is not invited, IS rude and generally is considered insensitive and poor manners. That is why it was upsetting to them. Get it?
I had almost the exact same experience that you had. I was a Brownie also in first grade, and the troop leader lived two houses down from us. We were also a poor family. Her daughter had a birthday party and invited everyone in the troop except for me. I found out when I just happened to walk past her house one day and saw them all coming out of the party. I knew why, pretty much. This girls father was an architect and my dad was blue collar and we were poor, although we managed to live in a wealthier neighborhood. A year earlier I'd invited her to come over since we were practically neighbors, but she never wanted to and I'm guessing her parents didn't want her in my home either. The only time I was ever at her house was for our troop meetings, since her mom was troop leader.
Of course, it hurt my feelings but I did have an understanding of why. Some people think being poor is a contagious disease.
You know what is funny ? With most every trauma in my life as a child, I tended to block out the memory of the pain.
I was goaded into trying to walk barefoot across a hot bed of coals at about age 5-6 by two of my older brothers. The last memory I have of that episode was looking at the bed of coals. A cousin asked me about the incident a couple of years ago and asked me if I remembered what happen. I was rather blithe about it. She said my feet swelled up and turned fiery red and it looked like the skin would burst open. I do not remember going to the hospital, the hospital stay or anything. She said she would never forget it and her mother said she doubted that my brothers would let me live to grow up. I remember almost nothing and have some scarring on my feet but not horribly so.
I subsequently had a serious eye injury in about the second grade and because I was administered too much ether during the surgery to repair the damage, I developed double pneumonia. I remember starting up the steps to the hosipital. I woke up 2 days later, under an oxygen tent with hysterical blindness. I was there for 2 weeks and remember almost nothing.
The incident with the failed birthday party invite, I did not remember until my mother brought it up not long before she died in 2003. Then, it was like it happened yesterday and I remembered how hurt I was.
But there were a lot of those kinds of hurt then. I think I would just block things out. My parents were actually from good families in another state but they had fallen on hard times because of the depression. It took 10 years to get out the housing area where we lived but my parents were very good, hardworking people.
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Originally Posted by JanND
Yep....Grew up just like her Mom huh....Glad you were able to rebuff her by acting like it didn't hurt. What a t.u.r.d.
Hope that you had fun at your reunion regardless
Thanks for the thumbs up.
Quote:
Originally Posted by misscross
yup, know exactly what you mean. We are acquainted with several Church every Sunday couples and one little girl is already purposely excluding some classmates just like mean girl mom.
That is pretty sad, isn't it ? That happened to my daughter. She lived a distance from me and was struggling in a bad marriage, working too hard and having unexpected pregnancies. She started going to this church and at first, liked it. Eventually, the young adult pastor started visiting and
made suggestive remarks to her. She didn't say anything until she became friendly with another young woman and found out the same thing happened to her. She stopped going to that church and when the pastor came and asked her why she had stopped attending, she told him. He didn't believe her or the other young woman because this man was a long time church member.
I attended the church a couple of times when she first began going and I was not welcomed, at all. I worried about the church atmosphere then and her fragility in her new found Christianity. When she left, she never found another church she felt comfortable in and was very discouraged.
I am not saying all churches and Christians are bad. We went to church and I had many good experiences but it is horrible and sad when "c hristians" are not really Christians.
Some people are born thoughtless and, for some reason, never learn it in their lives. I agree that it was hurtful to hand out invitations in front of kids who were not invited. That's just low class.
I thought about what I did when I was 6 years old, and I actually do remember that year because it was The Wizard of Oz theme, and my parents laid out a 'yellow brick road' made out of construction paper on the front walk for the guests to walk on up to the front door.
I remember the invitations, because they went with the theme, but I don't remember handing out the invitations so my mom must have mailed them. I know that she did not stand outside and hand them out as she saw kids running around, but then again, as many faults as she has, she does have some class. I do remember that I used to invite some of the yucky boys over just so that my brothers would have people to hang out with during my birthday party that they had to attend.
Unfortunately, this invitation rudeness thing doesn't stop with children's b-day parties. I'll never forget a "friend" I had in Miami who called me up to tell me about the contest that she won on the radio that gave her tickets for her and 8 of her friends to go to some fancy schmancy restaurant for the night. She then proceeded to tell me all 8 friends who were going. About halfway through the conversation, she realized how rude and thoughtless she was being towards me, and hastily added that if one of her friends dropped out, I was her next choice. She would let me know. How nice of her. Course she didn't learn. She then decided to call me the next day and tell me what a great time they all had. Wasn't that sweet of her?
Some people are just thoughtless cows. I'm glad that the parent here is teaching her kid right - some people are rude, and it's not a reflection on her daughter, it's a reflection on that adult. Good going, Mom.
The incident with the failed birthday party invite, I did not remember until my mother brought it up not long before she died in 2003. Then, it was like it happened yesterday and I remembered how hurt I was.
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I also didn't remember being excluded from the b-day party, until many years later. Really after I had a child of my own, that's when a lot of memories started coming back.
My daughter is in Brownies now and I would never let her invite everyone in the troop but exclude one person. I can't imagine how any parent would be okay with that. I would never knowingly do something that might hurt a child's feelings.
Some people are born thoughtless and, for some reason, never learn it in their lives. I agree that it was hurtful to hand out invitations in front of kids who were not invited. That's just low class.
I thought about what I did when I was 6 years old, and I actually do remember that year because it was The Wizard of Oz theme, and my parents laid out a 'yellow brick road' made out of construction paper on the front walk for the guests to walk on up to the front door.
I remember the invitations, because they went with the theme, but I don't remember handing out the invitations so my mom must have mailed them. I know that she did not stand outside and hand them out as she saw kids running around, but then again, as many faults as she has, she does have some class. I do remember that I used to invite some of the yucky boys over just so that my brothers would have people to hang out with during my birthday party that they had to attend.
Unfortunately, this invitation rudeness thing doesn't stop with children's b-day parties. I'll never forget a "friend" I had in Miami who called me up to tell me about the contest that she won on the radio that gave her tickets for her and 8 of her friends to go to some fancy schmancy restaurant for the night. She then proceeded to tell me all 8 friends who were going. About halfway through the conversation, she realized how rude and thoughtless she was being towards me, and hastily added that if one of her friends dropped out, I was her next choice. She would let me know. How nice of her. Course she didn't learn. She then decided to call me the next day and tell me what a great time they all had. Wasn't that sweet of her?
Some people are just thoughtless cows. I'm glad that the parent here is teaching her kid right - some people are rude, and it's not a reflection on her daughter, it's a reflection on that adult. Good going, Mom.
So rather than be happy for your friend, you made it about you.
So rather than be happy for your friend, you made it about you.
I'm sure she would have been happy for her friend, until she was told she was 9th on the friend list. I'd have trouble mustering some congratulations under those circumstances too.
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