Why do people think SAHMs will babysit (meal, games, parent)
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I don't think its surprising in the least. I've had the same thing happen to me because I happen to work from home. People don't think or don't care how their requests put out others.
It doesn't when the sahm days are over. Even now as an empty nester who works at home I've had a couple of people thinking maybe I could dog sit or go and pick up groceries for them. It's just rude people who give it a try and see if you bite.
Obviously there's no excuse for people assuming one will provide free daycare, or for pulling shenanigans like using one-sided "playdates" as free childminding. But it's not as though it's absurd to ask whether a SAHM (or retired person, or stay at home wife or husband or father) is available to babysit for fair compensation. If one suddenly needs a sitter at noon on a Wednesday the options are pretty limited, with the majority of responsible, capable adults being tied to a workplace during the day, and the majority of responsible, capable teenagers being in school, and therefore definitely unavailable, as opposed to only potentially unavailable or unwilling. It's not necessarily about devaluing the occupation of a stay-at-home parent, it's just practicality.
I have been home (both SAHM and WAHM) for 16 years and I have never had a situation where someone asked me for free childcare on a regular basis (like so they could work and not pay for daycare). I have watched friends' kids at times for doctor's appointments or when they were packing to move, and they've watched mine for the same types of reasons. And once an acquaintance asked me to watch her son for two weeks while she was in between daycares, but she paid me what she paid the daycare for the two weeks.
But all you need to do is say no. People can only take advantage of you if you allow it. It's weird to me that you've been asked repeatedly... maybe word has gotten around that you're the one to ask for some reason, or maybe you're the only at-home mom in your circle of friends/acquaintances, so you're who they naturally think of? It's also very strange that anyone would think that you'd provide full-time care or that they could just drop kids off without there being a planned playdate. Maybe that's considered acceptable in your town/area, but it's not in places that I've lived.
Obviously there's no excuse for people assuming one will provide free daycare, or for pulling shenanigans like using one-sided "playdates" as free childminding. But it's not as though it's absurd to ask whether a SAHM (or retired person, or stay at home wife or husband or father) is available to babysit for fair compensation. If one suddenly needs a sitter at noon on a Wednesday the options are pretty limited, with the majority of responsible, capable adults being tied to a workplace during the day, and the majority of responsible, capable teenagers being in school, and therefore definitely unavailable, as opposed to only potentially unavailable or unwilling. It's not necessarily about devaluing the occupation of a stay-at-home parent, it's just practicality.
In my situation it very much was a devaluation of what I do with my time and work. The mother that wanted me to babysit her baby for a week stated I don't do anything all day so I may as well watch her child. As for the dog sitting and the grocery pick up I am the first to offer friends and neighbours in actual need, but in these instances it was because they thought I had all the free time in the world.
I don't find it surprising at all. When I was teaching I don't think there were many years when someone didn't ask about me to babysit their school age kid or kids on days the kids were out of school or during the summer - some with offers to pay, some not. It didn't really bother me unless it was a accompanied by anger or demands to know why not when I politely, but firmly, said no. While it may never dawn on you to presume other people should have to help you when they have "free time" there are oodles of people who do. The people who did this included family, friends, and parents of students.
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I don't find it surprising at all. When I was teaching I don't think there were many years when someone didn't ask about me to babysit their school age kid or kids on days the kids were out of school or during the summer - some with offers to pay, some not. It didn't really bother me unless it was a accompanied by anger or demands to know why not when I politely, but firmly, said no. While it may never dawn on you to presume other people should have to help you when they have "free time" there are oodles of people who do. The people who did this included family, friends, and parents of students.
This happened to me too so I do not find it surprising. We made great sacrifices for me to be a SAHM and I never liked taking care of other people's children. Not only did it disrupt my schedule, but it was stressful. Oh, a few times I'd watch my friend's kids when she had an emergency or such,but otherwise I'd say no with no guilt. Everyone makes choices. If you choose to have children and you choose to work, then you need to find your own childcare. If you choose to save for years and then sacrifice to be a SAHM, you have the right to be with your own kids at home without others horning in and expecting free care.
It doesn't when the sahm days are over. Even now as an empty nester who works at home I've had a couple of people thinking maybe I could dog sit or go and pick up groceries for them. It's just rude people who give it a try and see if you bite.
Yes, I didn't think about that, but an empty nester or retired person probably get the same kinds of requests from people.
I've always been a WAHM (work-at-home Mom) and a couple of other moms have done this to me way back when my kids were young. I have no problem with my son's friend coming over and staying the afternoon occasionally once they reached a certain age, but one mom then wanted to leave her baby there too. Um... nope!
I actually caught one neighbor woman from upstairs in the apartment complex 'ding-dong dash'-ing but leaving her 3-4 year old daughter on my step instead of just playing a prank. I hardly knew the woman and she called, "You are so awesome to watch her while I go to this job interview!" from her car in the parking lot. I called back "What? No! I'm calling the cops" and she came running back glaring at me.
That goes a bit beyond the scope of this discusssion though.
Why would someone leave their most precious possession with someone they barely know? For all she knew you could have been running a drug empire or knew bad people (not that this is true of the OP). I don't understand this idea of leaving children willy nilly with other people they don't know well.
Just because a woman (or man) isn't working, doesn't mean that they are available to watch your child. They do have their own life to attend to and if they have children, they have a full plate already without adding a strangers child to the mix.
I've always been a WAHM (work-at-home Mom) and a couple of other moms have done this to me way back when my kids were young. I have no problem with my son's friend coming over and staying the afternoon occasionally once they reached a certain age, but one mom then wanted to leave her baby there too. Um... nope!
I actually caught one neighbor woman from upstairs in the apartment complex 'ding-dong dash'-ing but leaving her 3-4 year old daughter on my step instead of just playing a prank. I hardly knew the woman and she called, "You are so awesome to watch her while I go to this job interview!" from her car in the parking lot. I called back "What? No! I'm calling the cops" and she came running back glaring at me.
That goes a bit beyond the scope of this discusssion though.
I love your response!
I haven't been asked this but there are a lot of SAHMs in this area and most people have lots of family close by. But I do agree that it's a selfish/pushy thing rather than a working Mom thing. A certain type of person will go as far as you'll let them and they always, always have the feelers out.
I love the mowing the lawn example. And that IS something I've experienced. We own a house in a rural vacation area and my husband was mowing the lawn one day. A man drove up in his car and asked my husband if he could borrow his lawn mower. It was a really weird request because he wasn't from one of the houses right near us, he was going to load it into his car and bring it back when he was done. When my husband said he didn't like to lend out equipment he replied, "Oh, ok. Can you just come with me and mow my lawn?" Can you imagine?
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or go and pick up groceries for them. It's just rude people who give it a try and see if you bite.
I love your response!
