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I feel sorry for you OP, it sounds like your wife is the one with the problem.
My sister in law and my wife don't get along either. For some history, my sister in law is 11 months older than my wife. She's 34, my wife is 33. I'm 40 now.
A few years back, we started to try to have kids, because I was a lot older than my wife and I didn't want to be too old by the time a child would graduate high school, college, etc.
So my wife got pregnant, and we waited the typical 3 months to get through the first trimester before telling everyone. Turns out however, that my sister in law and her husband were also expecting... about 1.5 months behind us.
So of course, the older sister is pissed that the younger sister beat her to it, younger sister gave their parents the first grandchild, etc. Tells my wife that she shouldn't have had kids before her, it was HER turn... yeah.
It got so ridiculous that eventually I stepped in and asked how old she and her husband were... Oh, really? You're 6 years younger than me? Then I guess it's MY turn to have kids first.
Needless to say, we don't speak to them any longer, which I'm sorry for because my daughter will never get to know her cousins, but I think it's better this way. Very self centered people and they cause drama in anything that comes up among my wife's family.
"Of course?" No. There is no "of course," life is not a competition and the sooner all of you grow up and the wife of the OP grows up and understands that you get one life to live - your own, the better off we'll all be.
You're bragging that you've cut off communications with part of your own family over that which well adjusted adults celebrate, not use as tools for divisiveness. Keep rolling your eyes if that makes you feel better but I wouldn't be bragging about being so dysfunctional if I had written the above.
i dont think this unusual.
i have seen it in some families. it is like a deep seated angry feud of sorts.
my son married into a family where his wife and her female cousin from the time they were toddlers have had a very intense hostility. They are competitive, they seek to undermine each other, they go out of their way to try and out do each other, they lie to each other constantly ("i told her my dress would be blue because i know she copies me and she did and blue is a horrible color on her thats why i told her blue so she would look ugly" that sort of thing). It is a vicious, visceral, hostility that is deep seated. So in answer to your question, yes it does happen. i have also seen this with two sisters in the same family, i was friends with one of them in high school.
your priority has to be peace in your home and harmony in your marriage. that means rather than condemning your wife, try to listen to her and understand her feelings, and allow her to express her feelings. your loyalty at some level has to be first and foremost to your wife and your marriage and your family that is your own children. that has to come first. it is very visceral and even if you disagree you have to listen and try to understand your wife and her feelings.
Are you really suggesting the OP support and reinforce irrational, immature and divisive behavior? Where does that end - should he help her taint the potato salad she would bring to a family gathering? If she wants to threaten other family members, should he assist her? Where do you draw the line, or should he just turn his back on his own family because his maladjusted, egotistical excuse for a wife demands it?
Put the slacks on, Dude...your wife has no right to put restrictions on visits with your son's grandparents. Get counseling for yourself; I don't think your wife will be agreeable to it, and you will need it, if you care to keep dancing through this minefield. She seems oblivious to the problem in this whole dynamic (herself).
a mother has EVERY right to put restrictions on visits with grandparents.
And often there are very good reasons.
the husband's loyalty and priority has to be first and foremost to his wife and marriage.
not to grandparents making demands.
nothing destroys a marriage faster than a husband who lets his parents run the family and run the show, instead of the couple making ALL the decisions regarding the marriage and raising their children.
Are you really suggesting the OP support and reinforce irrational, immature and divisive behavior? Where does that end - should he help her taint the potato salad she would bring to a family gathering? If she wants to threaten other family members, should he assist her? Where do you draw the line, or should he just turn his back on his own family because his maladjusted, egotistical excuse for a wife demands it?
his wife is his family.
his children are his family.
they have to come first and be made the highest priority, his marriage and his home with his children.
First of all, talk to her about not normal this is. She will miss out on many happy times.
In my family, there were 4 sibs - all married within 3 years - then had 12 children between us over a 6 1/2 year period.
Result: Someone was always pregnant; we all lived within 10 minutes of each other and today, all those children are adults, friends with each other and support each other!
WE LOVE THEM ALL!!
THE MORE THE MERRIER!!
Sounds like my dad's family - 6 kids (he was #3), and then 13 grandkids - 9 of my cousins plus my 2 brothers between 1959 and 1969, I was #12, and then one more straggler in 1985. It was fun going to my grandparents' house in the 1970's because there were so many of us!
Ah, jeezus louizus...
I don't know why I went down this rabbit hole, but after seeing the above link, I saw that in that link there was a reference to an earlier post: //www.city-data.com/forum/non-r...etween-gf.html
OP: Obviously your entire family has issues. Pick your wife or your family. There is drama caused by both sides. Accept they are not getting along, and concentrate on your wife and your kids. You've known the deal for years now.
OP, your post in this thread makes it sound like your wife has serious issues and that the two of you need to reach a better understanding on how often your parents should get to visit your kids. That may still very well be the case, but like several other posters, I was thinking there has to be more to this story. For example, what is a "moratorium" on visiting your kids -- I'm guessing it means more than setting reasonable limits like please call before dropping by and it has to be at a convenient time? If so, is there a reason you agreed to that other than keeping your wife happy?
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